the good (intentions), the bad (girl) and the ugly (outcome)

There's a saying in Indonesian:
Semut di seberang lautan tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tiada tampak.
It basically refers to how one can clearly see "an ant" across the ocean, while being oblivious to "the elephant" right under one's nose.

Interesting how fast people can judge a situation, "pinpoint" exactly the problem, and identify the culprit responsible for the situation, literally from thousands of miles away.
It didn't help that I pointed out that he had never been in my situation.
It didn't help that all the while I was thinking: "You are not even here. What do you know?"
It didn't help that at the back of my mind I kept thinking: "Speak for yourself.... Do you know how many complains I have received about you?"
It certainly didn't help also that I lost my cool and raised my voice when I felt I was being attacked, for a decision I made thinking that was the best for everyone.
It certainly sucks being the youngest in the family.

Anyway,
I really had no intention and I still fail to see how such a tiny decision of mine, driven by nothing but good intentions, can hurt anyone or at the very least negatively affect anyone in any way.
I really don't see why it has to be blown out ouf proportion like this. I came up with that idea with nothing but good intentions in mind.

It's interesting how some outsiders feel that I pay too much attention to my family's needs and wants, that I am not living my own life so to speak, while some insiders feel that I am a self-centered, spoilt brat, who cares about nothing but myself.
I find it a bit funny actually when I try to zoom out and look at the whole thing.

Anyway, this whole thing just reminds me of something that crossed my mind the other day.
I was watching a tv show and there was this dialog in i about a past mistake: A wrong decision again done with nothing but good intentions in mind, that might have hurt someone.
It reminded me of something I decided to do, and actually did, a few years ago.
Sometimes, just once in a blue moon perhaps, the cheesy bit in me would wonder if I somehow had hurt anyone's feelings. But at the same time, the critical rational bit in me goes: "Neahhhh....You did the best you could, girl!"
And then all's well again in my self-centered land....
I guess ...

There's someone that I really wish I could have a chat with right now, but I suppose there's no point in trying to talk to someone who doesn't really enjoy talking to you.

The lazy bum in me is using my knee as an excuse to skip my training.
For the most part though, I still think it is the best thing to do.
I'd rather wait until I get the doc's approval on Saturday before I start kicking again.

Big bang

Saw this while waiting at the doctor's today:

Son: "How much does it cost to get married, Dad?"
Father: " I'm not sure, Son.... I'm still paying for it now."

Got tons of stuff to do before I can start my new job, but my biggest problem now is my critically low level of confidence.
Pre-employment anxiety attack?
I really wish I could go out and jog right now. I bet it will feel really good, if not for my cranky left knee. I hope it turns out to be nothing major or permanent.

By the way, I really have to train myself to speak softer FAST. Wonder if anyone has ever failed their probation period at work for being too loud.

On a side note, we had our family photo taken a few weeks back when I was back home for CNY. I have always enjoyed, or actually admired, this particular photographer's work so I decided to ask him to take a picture of me, myself and I.
I have been really curious about the results and I finally got to see it today thanks to my Mom who sent it along with some documents I asked for.

*So happy*

Never in my life have I seen such a fancy picture...... with ME in it!!!!!
Call me a self-centered biatch if you want, I couldn't care less.
I definitely want a BIGASS print of that photo, even if it's going to take forever before I can afford a decent place of my own where I can put it up.
And it will definitely be on my personal list of priceless worldly possessions.

---------------------

An accident happened around the corner, just in front of our block while I was working on this post.
There was a short screeching sound before a really loud BANG.
The first kay-poh instinct in me tip-toed in high speed (to avoid disturbing my gramps who were already fast asleep) to the window but couldn't get any view. Not willing to give up, I speed-tip-toed again to the front door, thinking I would go downstairs to get a real close-up view.
As I was reaching out for the door, I suddenly froze.
"What if it gets really bloody?" I thought.
"What if the scene looks like something out of a horror movie? what if there are kids involved?"
I don't think I could've handled that. Although in hindsight, I doubt any parents with a straight mind will drag their kids around with them at 1 am in the morning during weekdays.

So I walked back to my room not realizing that my cousin were joining his parents in their room to watch the whole thing from the parents' window. He told me later that the accident involved a cab and a silver sedan.

So there you go... why the title for today's post is what it is : )
As for the casualties, my cousin thinks both drivers survived, albeit with some injuries of course.

Does it still count as a compliment when someone tells you:
"You're pretty lah.......(a short silence)....... I mean, ... I can see what you'll look like once you slim down."

Sometimes I wonder how a girl is supposed to take such a thing.

To have a perfect stranger, whom you have met less than 10 minutes in total, list out some really personal traits of mine was really an interesting experience.
Something he said though just strengthened my faith in the power of prayers and persistence.

Parents are great but they are even more amazing as grandparents.

My grandparents are really amazing people and I suppose my parents take after them.

In the case of my wacky parents, they take grand-parenting to a whole new level of wackiness.

Who else would lug BBQ pork, roti prata, chicken rice, tau-pok and the likes almost every single time they fly back home from this tiny blip on the blue planet? My dad who doesn't even step into a wet market back home would even go and volunteer to do the shopping himself.

(I just hope my lucky niece and nephew can see how lucky they are)

The downside of this, of course,.... I feel a tad guilty whenever I don't do the same thing for those wacky kids of my brother's.

You see... they're just too wacky to be true, ...... just the way I love them to be.

God knows what the heck they're doing in this picture, but it shouldn't be that hard to guess who instigated the whole thing.

the OUCH factor

Out of curiosity, I decided to experience what Threading is all about.
One word to describe it: .... OUCH!!!!
I almost swore I would never go for it again, before I realize how relatively short the pain was compared to my trying to tweeze my eyebrows myself.
Now for the latter, I not only get the same amount if not more pain, and I also lose time (due to lack of experience).

I used to have a very nice roomie who would help me out in this area. I really do miss her.....
(for more reasons that her excellent --and free!-- eyebrow-shaping service.
HAHAHA!

I can't believe how girly-girl I sound...... and VAIN also!
SHAME ON YOU, CHOCOHOLIC! SHAME ON YOU!!!!

sub·sti·tu·tion

Interestingly, two different yet almost similar things are going on in my life.
Well, at least in my mind..... and at least some parts of them are quite comparable to each other.

What would you do when you have a wish, a dream or a fantasy that you have been holding on to for a really long time, with very little sign of it becoming a reality anytime soon?
And all that you have to hold on to is hope, and a gut feeling that it is your destiny, well... maybe not to that extreme, but just this really weird sort of sixth sense that it is meant to be.

But then of course, it can very well be that you are just being delusional after years and years of convincing yourself that it is what it is.

Back to the dream.

So, after waiting and waiting for a while, or actually... make that a really long while, what would you do when someone offers you something else in place of this dream or fantasy?

"Take (Do) this and forget about that one." this person says to you.

The idealist, or at least the idealist-wannabe in me, would say "I really appreciate it. Thanks, but no, thanks."
The idealist me is saying that you don't achieve anything without perseverance and persistence. The idealist me is saying that one must stay true to his or her goal.

(By now you should have a pretty clear idea of how many cheesy movies and books I have come across in my life. I blame all the Chicken Soup series I gobbled up in high school.)

Where does one draw the line between persistence and ignorance?
Between bravery and foolishness?
Between perseverance and mere insanity?
Between patience and stupidity?

While mulling over these questions, I stumbled upon this:
Though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays.
- Sun Tzu -

So, now it's confirmed and I'm congratulating myself as I type, for it might be my highest achievement in life: A candidate for the biggest fool in the world.

Chat me not

I just got off the phone a few minutes ago with this poor friend of mine.
He called just for a quick chat, a quick hello, and I managed to torture him for about 2 hours?!?!?!?

Geesh.... sometimes I really wish I could shut myself up.
Where the heck did I get this super ability to chat like there's no tomorrow?

I think they should include me as the latest addition to the characters in the TV series HEROES: The girl who can kill people with her chattiness.
(Btw, I LURRRRVE that show!!! GO HIRO NAKAMURA!!!)
They have to pay me a fee to actually develop that character though.

Anyway, so people: Beware now! Call me not when you are not ready to face the dire consequence of death by speech.

YIPEE!!!
If nothing goes wrong, I might actually find myself a new accomodation. A new place for myself, also at a marginal cost, thanks to the wonderfully large extended family that I have. And what's even better, I might actually get the whole place for myself!!!!
Of course then again, I should probably not count my chickens before they hatch.

Still, I still need to thank my wacky aunt (who also took care of me as a toddler) and her husband.

To be honest, now I'm getting a bit more anxious about finding a job soon.
The idea of a crappy job with low pay now doesn't look half that bad with this incredibly cheap housing option.

One heck of a lucky girl

Sometimes I'm really amazed at what a blessed life I have.
So much so nowadays I often find it hard to believe how miserable I let myself feel as a kid.
I really can't figure out what I have done to deserve such a good life.

I remember someone said I was crazy when I told her that I was nervous about how good my life was and that I was really afraid that something bad will come and ruin it.
Don't get me wrong.... I'm not saying my life is perfect. In fact, it's on the other end of the universe from perfection. It is so imperfect with the numerous "holes" in it that I know "some people" are really worried about me. My dear grandma and my wacky parents, for example.

However, I really truly believe that God has bestowed upon me a life so good that sometimes I can't help but feel guilty that I'm enjoying it so much. I feel guilty sometimes that I still have so many things I ask for in my prayers.
I keep telling myself that I need to "return" at least part of the blessings that I have received, to do my bit for the society I suppose. But the sad truth is I haven't done anything remotely close to adequate in this area. I haven't done anything. Period.

Every now and then I'm reminded of a plan I once had to get myself involved in a charity work.
"Soon", I keep telling myself , "Once I have at least settled down a bit. Once I have at least figured out where to stay."
I just hope I get to keep my promise before it's too late.

I am a strong believer of karma.
I might not be a devout buddhist who knows the sutras by heart, but I believe in the basic principles.
However, I do wonder if any good deeds done out of guilt, out of fear for losing the good life that one has -- in other words out of selfishness, still has its merits.
I doubt it.
But then again, I'm thinking: Heck, I'm human afterall!
Show me one man (or make that woman) with no fear and no trace of selfishness.
(OK, I'll let you have the late Mother Teresa. Anyone else?)
So I figure,something... anything is better than nothing, regardless of the motive.

Now...., if I can just figure out a way to get things moving.
Or actually, I suppose I should figure out where to stay put first.

Decomposing away...

I can't remember the last time I felt this way.
It sure sucks as hell.
Waiting sucks.
I wish some people would make up their mind what they want to do, whether or not they want me on their team.

sushi fund

You know you're getting old, when you're seeing:
SUSHI FUND SCANDAL

instead of
SLUSH FUND SCANDAL

when going through the newspaper headline about the trial involving Hyundai Motor Chairman.

Well, it's either I'm getting old or I'm really hungry....

Home.... the new Atlantis

Just some pics I got from BBC and CNN:

Week at a glance

It has been a rather interesting week.
When last week began with a high "high" on Monday, I wondered if my plan was going to work out after all.
Then Friday afternoon came, and instead of that one phone call I was waiting for, I was hit with a surprise "road block" a la Amazing Race instead.
Though I was a bit upset, I refused to let the thing ruin the weekend that I had planned. So the show had to go on.
Went to Cafe del Mar with some of my classmates and I found myself really enjoying the place. The weather of course helped a lot, with the clear sky, full moon and plenty of cooling breeze. Afterwards, some of us went on for a second round at St. James by this end of the bridge.
It's quite a fun place and I also quite enjoyed the place as I didn't feel as out of place as in the case last time when I tried Ministry of Sound.

And so the new week came in at an all-time low, with the realisation that my plan might not work out after all.
Having to get up really early to avoid the long and winding line only to deal with grumpy immigration officers is just not my idea of fun.
On the bright side, however, I managed to scour my stack of junk to find that one letter that showed the silly changes done by this supposedly well-established local educational institution.

I was browsing through some books on Chinese astrology at the book store.
I guess you can say I'm a skeptic believer.... I listen or I read, I believe for like 5 minutes and I forget for the rest of the year, until it's time again for these publishers to come up with new ones for the following year.
I dunno... I just think it's kinda' fun to pretend for at least a second that you know what's gonna happen to the world, or at the very least, your life.

So, if you have the option for a relatively safe yet rather boring year or an exciting yet uncertain year when you have to constantly jump hoops and all (of course with at least a 50:50 chance of either making it big or falling really hard), which do you prefer?
I suppose the answer of course depends on which stage of your life you're currently at. At this point of my life however, I think I'd take any hoops rather than a quiet, boring year.
So, bring it on, world! Gimme all you've got!This snake ain't scared of ya!!!
BRING IT ON!!!

P.s. I'm not sure how to react when someone strongly insists that you have coloured your hair, when you really haven't. Should I be sad coz that means my hair looks fake, or worse, unhealthy? Or should I be happy coz I saved myself the trouble and cost of a professional hair color session? By the way, it just got me wondering what's the point of listing info on eye and hair color on our passports, which I remember seeing on my older ones. Curious what they listed on mine, I flipped through my fairly new passport while waiting at the Immigration office this morning and only then did I find out that they had taken out the information on hair and eye colour(at least the ones issued by our beloved country that's turning into Atlantis).I suppose it makes perfect sense, with all the colored contacts and DIY hair color products in the market.

I guess I'd better stop rambling nonsense here. Must go and pick up the car from the service centre, where I dropped it off this afternoon for a regular "check-up" and pampering "car spa" service. Hope it won't cost me an arm and a leg.

Time: January 29th 2007 , 4.50 pm
Place: A living room in one corner of this blip on the blue planet.

IT'S THE PHONE CALL I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS!

Let's see how it goes on Friday then.... I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed (real hard).
I can't believe I actually heard back from them, but who knows.... ^_^

Btw, thanks to my trainer's idea, I have managed to succesfully gained some beautiful bruises on my elbow. By now I really can't help but suspect that he is actually enjoying watching me hurt myself, even just for a bit.

Get(ting) real, .... or at least trying to

As if it's not bad enough that one's heart is beyond the jurisdiction of one's brain, I can't even get my brain to control my mind. So now my heart and my mind are in cahoots and my brain is left with no allies. No wonder one of my best gal pals always tells me that I live to torture myself.

Assuming that what I have been hearing a lot lately is true, that my idealistic approach will never get me anywhere in life (i.e. "GET REAL!"), I thought the time had come for me to really sort out the load of junk in my life: Time to sort out my fantasies, dreams, ambitions, and reality. However, I'm finding it extremely hard to do, though..... exactly for the above reason.
One is a 22-year old dream (although it was stuffed away in closet for the past 6 years) and the other is an ongoing wish cum 10-yr old fantasy (also stuffed away in the darkest corner of the closet for the past few years).

Realistically, I should really throw everything out the door. But when you have lived with these dreams and fantasies for so long, they kinda' form part of your identity (albeit a confused one, in my case). I suppose getting rid of it might be like Cindy Crawford finding out that her mole needs to be removed for health reasons, or Hugh Grant losing his tousled hair overnight, Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie getting a procedure to reduce the size of her lips. I mean, remember Enrique Iglesias? I bet you do.... at least the original version with the mole. Boy I bet he misses the mole now.

*Sigh*
Well, anyway it's not like I don't want to do what's necessary. It's just so darn hard!
I'm telling myself I'll just have to take one step at a time..... Lemme see what I can start with....
Oh I know!
*lightbulb moment*

Maybe I'll start by..... ............pampering myself with enough sleep : )

P.s. I haven't got the faintest idea what the heck Rain is saying in his song "I do", but somehow the song can always help brighten up my crappy days.

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away
Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees
Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me you see now how can that be?
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Keep you all where the light is
Just keep us where the light is
Ohh.. where the light is!

-Gravity (John Mayer)-

Btw, where do you draw the line between simply having a good network and nepotism/cronyism?(hope I got the spelling right)

I'm really loving this couple on the Amazing Race - Asia show: Syeon Park and Andrew Tan.
I know it could very well be just a well-edited show that just happens to work in their advantage, but I really love watching how sweet this couple seem to be.
Andrew seemed to have been portrayed as slightly pushy and bossy in the beginning, but they seem to be showing more of his good sides in the later episodes.
I was quite impressed at how patient yet in control Andrew was in one episode, when Syeon seemed to be getting a bit whiny: " Baby, ... I know you're tired, but can you please do it?". There was no sign of annoyance in his tone at all.
I really hope they win the race.

Anyway I just spent the past 20 minutes watching some videos of my youngest niece.
My goodness.... when I saw her around Chinese new year last year, she was just like a doll. Couldn't do anything at the time except maybe cry and smile a bit occasionally.
And she's a full blown toddler now.

One of those days again when I feel so darn old.

Dang! How did I get here?

Breakfast: Muesli & oat milk
At the gym: 30 mins on treadmill, 1 hr of kick-fit.

My sweet sis-in-law sms-ed me and tried to call me several times while I was at the gym. Got an sms from my buddy, Mr Bunny, on my way to the gym.Dad also sent me an sms. Initially thought Mom had forgotten (as usual), but she called me later, put everyone at the office on speaker phone and they sang me the birthday song, which was kinda' sweet in a cheesy way. Also heard from some good friends from all over the place: DC, Oakbrook and home.

Lunch: SUSHI!!!! Don't care even if it's only supermarket sushi. I LOVE IT! And I think I'm fully entitled to a decent b'day meal :P

Afternoon: Found a long lost classmate from secondary school. I'm quite impressed that he still remembers my full name, although it is quite embarassing that the one thing he remembers the most about me was how we used to argue with each other.

Dinner: The most sinful dinner I have had for quite a while now, but I just didn't have the heart to say no to this dear aunt of mine who went through all the trouble. Plus the fact that it's also her husband's b'day..... (So, happy b'day, Uncle Charlie!)

So there you go..... 365 days and counting down to the end of my 20s (as one of my seniors from undergrad reminded me just now). I guess I should say it to myself now and try to accept the reality that the dreadful day is finally here:















(grabbed this from some website coz I love it! Hope I won't get into trouble....)

Waiting for a change

Had an IM session with Miss M just now.
She pointed out an interesting thing:
Although all of us (i.e. the Dearborn plus club) split up and went on our own paths, somehow we ended up at the same spot:
Waiting for a change.

what goes around, comes around....

OK...
I guess it's payback time.
The series of roundhouse kicks I had to do today have landed me with a seriously bruised-up shin, even after my trainer took off his shin pad.
My goodness.... not sure how I am supposed to do it all over again on Wednesday.

what's on TV

I stumbled upon this while browsing another blog.
What the hell is going on with Paula Abdul?
I mean I am aware that she's been getting weirder and weirder for a while now, but what's going on this time?
Is she starting her own reality show any second now? A somewhat Anna Nicole-wannabe perhaps?

Oh, and I noticed how girls got all fired up and went all ga-ga over Wentworth Miller (I only saw some pictures of him but never caught the show he's in). Then everyone suffered a blow after the news that he's gay.
I mean.... come on? Don't tell me that anyone would be surprised about such a thing?
I'm not a fan but, but shouldn't it have been quite obvious?
To be honest, I think I would be more surprised (read: impressed) if such a good-looking guy turns out to be straight all along....

Unbelievable...
One more thing to add to the list of silly things I've done:
Drove from where I live here on the west side of the island, all the way to the airport on the east end of the island.
Purpose? None.

mayday... mayday...

My brain is turning into mush!
I'm trying to salvage any remaining part that is still usable.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me....

Kicking balls

Today was the first time ever I've kicked a guy in the balls. Literally. :P
And the victim was..... my poor trainer.

lol
Serves him right though, for insisting on having me do the push-kick, even after I told him I can't reach the height that he wanted me to do.

It was kinda' awkward for a split second after it happened but I couldn't help but burst out laughing afterwards.
Especially after I did it... the second time.
lol
He then jokingly warned me that he still wants to celebrate Father's day in the future.

SO funny. ... I mean I do feel sorry coz I really didn't mean to (of course), and he's a really, really NICE guy. Wasn't mad at me or anything at all when it happened. I hope he will get to celebrate Father's days with at least a dozen of kids in the future.

I must say though.... it feels so damn good to get to kick somebody :P

Oh and today, I had my very first Subway after 1.5 years.
I know... I'm supposed to be watching what I eat, but I was really hungry. And I just happened to walk pass by Subway. And I remembered Jared, the subway guy (wonder if I got the spelling right).
Then the devil inside me thought: Shouldn't be that bad right? I mean... Jared still managed to lose weight, didn't he?
Besides, it was like 2.5 hrs past lunchtime and I was really starving.
So there I was, munching on my toasted chicken teriyaki on honey oat with teary eyes.
I was quite impressed how it tastes exactly the same as the ones I used to have in Chicago. Except somehow the chicken is so much softer (almost mashed up compared to the ones I used to have). One thing though, was totally, completely consistent: The crappy service.

My plateau

I'm hitting a plateau, and my trainer wants me to run for an hour every day....
It's not like I don't want to do it, but I can't even do 2 minutes without stopping to catch my breath.
Sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with my lungs that I have such a terribly short breathing. I mean, even people with worse weight problem than me seems to be handling it much better than I do.
Don't tell me that those crappy cigarettes that I once upon a time enjoyed (for a really short period of time) did this to me?

Anyway, I'm starting a 4-times a week training program. I just got home around 8.30 pm and I have to be back there tomorrow by 9 am. My trainer also told me he would arrange for a free membership upgrade that would allow me to go every day, instead of 4 days/week, which I have been using as an excuse not to work out every day.
(I wonder if that means I really, really have to do it now ^_^)

Anyway, my trainer told me that his other client, a rather well-known local designer, has managed to lose more weight than I have, eventhough he started later than me.

So, I'm trying to hypnotize the lazy little biatch in me into thinking: MUST NOT LOSE TO THIS GUY!

So, I'm setting my own target now:
5 kg loss by the end of the month.

Seriously doubt I can make it happen, but why settle for low target that won't get me anywhere right? Might as well try to go for the big bang. Now,... if I can just somehow make myself more disciplined in watching what I eat .

F.O.O.L

Tragedy plus time equals comedy.

My roommate was the first one who told me this, and I fell in love with this aphorism right away.

Ever since that day, whenever I'm feeling down (like today), I try to tell myself that I will get over it before I even know it. I try to remind myself to look forward to that one day when I'll look back and have a good laugh about all of this.

I must say though... that it's getting harder and harder to convince myself nowadays.

Sometimes I'm just amazed at what a big fool I am...
I mean, what else can you say to describe a person who continuously inflicts pain on him or herself?
F.O.O.L.... that's it.

Well, either that or a masochist, I suppose..... ^_^

Just wondering...

You walk pass by a place that looks and feels like your dream home from the outside, but then you find out that it is totally beyond your means.

Do you:
a. Knock on the door and try to get a look at the place? Maybe see if you can somehow strike a bargain?
b. Just marvel at the place from the outside for a while before heaving a sigh and reluctantly walking away, occasionally turning around to steal another look at the place.
c. Fuhgedaboutit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or, as my roommate reminded me:
d. Start laying out a plan to build your own dream home.

Another encounter with men in uniforms

Time: 3.30 am
Location: A blip on the blue island

I could've sworn I heard the door bell, but then again I might be dreaming.
There it goes again. You've got tons of imagination, I told myself.
Third time. Is it for real? Must be... You're not that creative, I told myself.
Fourth time. Is it Dad? No, he's not coming till this afternoon. Can't be....
Then who the heck is this nut case?

In seriously bed-tousled hair and half-opened eyes,upsetly walked to the door and took a peek.
Only saw 2 guys' faces.

Opened door: Yes?

Only then did I notice the uniforms. One of them mumbled a name, which I really couldn't hear, to which I replied that I thought they must've gotten the wrong address.
He took a look at his note and read out a license plate number.

SHIT, I thought.

"The car alarm has been going on and off for the past 4 hours, Mam. "

I apologized right away and scurried away for the keys. In the elevator, they told me that the car's ok and it was locked. Only the interior light was on.

Phewh.... what a relief....

Phai seh lah.... I really didn't realize it. Gosh, now I'm worried about the car battery. I guess it's a good thing I cancelled off my apppointment for tomorrow morning.

Then on my nerve-wrecking walk back home (coz I was afraid I might get rotten eggs or tomatoes dropped on me from some of the flats), after giving the men my cell phone number in case something goes wrong again, I was thinking: The poor people who couldn't sleep because of the alarm.... I really feel bad for them but I dunno whom to apologize to.
So phai seh lah...

Then in the elevator ride back up, it hit me: How come it took 4 hours before I get the notice?
Did people actually put up with such a crazy thing for that long? Or did the officers really need that much time to respond?
I'm sorry but I guess after my first encounter with their colleagues, I really didn't appreciate the squad that much.
I hope it was for the first reason.

Either way, from the bottom of my heart, I would like to apologize to people in this tiny island who couldn't sleep on the second evening of the new year due to my absent-mindedness.
I promise, I'l try really really really hard to not let such a thing happen again.
May your patience be awarded with loads and loads of good things to come in this new year.

Cheers!

Back to sleep....

P.s. I wish I could come up with my case studies as fast as I could come up with a post for this blog of mine.

New year's resolution

Finding out that you were wrong about something can sometimes be such a good feeling.

Anyway, is there really a need for new year's resolutions?
I didn't have much time to come up with a list for the year, so I've decided that I will only have one set of resolution that I will be using each year from now on, which is:

I will start.

Old & New

This was an impressively quiet New Year's Eve.
For 4 consecutive years before last year, New Year's Eve was a pretty much standard operation for FUN. Last year was spent back home with my family. Although with two toddlers, my sis-in-law and my brother was in no mood to stay up late, at least I was home.
Most importantly, it was not quite.... at all. With the amount of illegal fire crackers that were unleashed around the block, I was even starting to get nervous, thinking that I had somehow got myself stranded in some war zone.

This year, however.... was totally the opposite.
Silent Night couldn't have been more appropriate as a theme song for the night.
Just me, my notebook, the stack of material for my assignment, my hand phone(which had turned into some sort of gallery for Hallmark-card kind of wishes), and .... the quiet reservoir.
There was almost no wind, so the water was almost perfectly still.

Somebody made me really miserable, and bugged as hell for a while coz I didn't expect to get that miserable.

My sis-in-law called to wish me happy new year since I'm one hour ahead of her.

Then the new year came.

Suzie was the first one to sms me right after midnite.
Mom followed with confirmation of the annual illegal firecracker competition around the block at home.

Wished for a second that I had some champagne or even just plain nice girly beer to celebrate the new year. Just me, myself and I.

Anyway, life goes on...
New year. New calendar on the wall.New (older) age to put in forms (well, technically still got some time before that happens).
Same old life. Same old me. Same old world.

leave me alone

It sucks when you think someone's avoiding you, regardless of whether or not that person is really doing so.
Although in this case, I'm almost 99% sure that person is really avoiding me.

And if that's true, what's annoying me is that it wasn't even my fault, since I know exactly what the cause is.
I didn't have anything to do with it!!!!
It really wasn't me......

Anyway, on the other hand I guess it is a rather effective way of putting an end to all this nonsense.

As much as I know how impossible it is, I just wish those over-zealous people (as HB put it)would leave me alone after all this brouhaha.
I just feel like sitting in my dark corner and dwell in this unbelievably miserable feeling.

Just leave me alone.

Hooked

Thanks to channel 255, I'm hooked....

None of the endless crying and sobbing typical of Korean dramas, this one has way more hilarious moments than anything else. Just a dash of some touching scenes here and there. And when they do have sad scenes, they're never too lengthy, which is something I definitely like.
But then again, I've only seen 6 out of 16 episodes.
So far though, I'm liking it so much I'm having a hard time figuring out whether or not Full House is the only Korean drama I can enjoy.

I missed the first episode coz I really wasn't planning on watching the show. I had come up with a strategy for watching K-drama, which is to have my relatives or friends watch everything and only watch any of those that they say are funny. In other words, I only watch one show: Full House.

Out of boredom though, I caught the second episode of this show. I was skeptic at first but decided to give it a chance as I wasn't sure where it was heading. I figured the show is different from the rest when they got to the scene at the hospital when Gong-chan thought his grandpa had died. That was quite funny and that was really the turning point for me. My favorite scene so far though was when the lead actress dressed up in a super-chicken mascot costume (cape and all) and took revenge for her father.
Damn hilarious!!! Can't wait for next weekend.

Still got no resolutions

After my trainer stood me up yesterday, I went for a girl-power lunch with HB yesterday. Initially, we wanted to go to this French restaurant for dinner but decided to do lunch instead to make sure we still have some cash to last us till the end of the year. It was a really good pow-wow with really good food served in very xiao-jie servings, as HB put it.

I ran out of memory on my phone so couldn't take any pictures of the yummy stuff. It was a 3-course lunch andHB started taking pictures of the appetizers but I think by the time we finished it, we completely forgot about it.

I'm (very) slowly getting acquainted with the nice places in town, thanks to my nice classmates (just the nice ones... :P).
It's a bit sad though, when I think of the possibility that I might have to leave pretty soon just as I'm getting more acquainted with the place, and most importantly, the people.
I guess it's the same old story all over again.

Anyway, I DID MY LAUNDRY TODAY!!!!
It's quite a risky move considering I'm 3 databases and 3 case studies behind.
(Somehow I can hear my brother's voice from our recent phone conversation: You haven't changed that much, have you?)

Speaking of my brother, he called me long distance this morning, only to find out how to say "Finally" in Mandarin.
I suppose he's making good money to be able to afford such an expensive translation service, huh? And not even a reliable one at that.

Although I was already scouring the saturday's Paper of Hope (a.k.a. Recruit section, which was so terribly disappointing today -- which I suppose should've been obvious before I ran downstairs to get them as most people are still enjoying their holidays), I was still in a blurry mode. It wasn't until much later that I found myself a tad impressed with how I could answer it quite promptly without having to check my dictionary.

This only reminds me of my plan a few months ago: To pick-up where I (was) left in my mandarin lessons next year! I suppose this must go to my new year's resolution then.

Anyway, I've been on and off my emo mode the past week or so, so just ignore me when I start to gripe and whine. And what a perfect song I was listening to (I LUUURRRRVVE this musical so much I promised myself I would go again if it ever comes to town):

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

- Idina Menzel, Wicked-the musical -

Indecent exposure

I'm trying really hard to stay on my program, which means I have to physically drag my butt to the gym three times a week.
As a result, I'm really bugged by this one issue I've always had with ladies in the changing/locker room.

Why the heck do I have to be exposed to all these exhibitionist ladies who walk around in their underwears, or worse, in their bare skin.
I mean I don't care if it's Jessica Alba or Carmen Electra, or if John Mayer thinks it's a wonderland, I don't think it's right for these ladies to force me to put up with this.

So OK.... say they have really hot bodies. Some guys might love it but hey, for all I know, I might just get too traumatized and too self-conscious after the shock to even step out of my door anymore. Can you imagine? What a poor thing... can't even go to work (yea... rite).

Seriously, can't I sue anyone for indecent exposure?
Isn't it illegal for someone to flash his/her private parts in public, non nudity-designated areas? I mean, I for sure did not see a warning-you-are-entering-a-nudist-camp sign at the entrance. So why should I have to put up with all this?

I remember bringing this up to someone a few years back and this friend was trying to reason with me, reminding me that it is a ladies locker/changing room after all. Girls feeling comfortable changing in front of girls... that kinda thing.

However, I don't think some sort of comfort zone from being surrounded by the same gender is the issue here. I think it's simply a matter of courtesy and being considerate towards others.
Just because you feel that the provided cubicles less than 6 metres away are too far, that you'd rather save your energy to torture yourself on the cross-trainer, should not mean that I have to put up with all these boob-flashing (and potentially more).

I'm just a tad upset.

Stop the freakin' train

I have no idea when John Mayer's Continuum was released coz there was quite a long period of time until recently that I wasn't keeping up with the latest pop music.
So I got all excited when I stumbled upon the album while browsing around at the music corner of a local bookstore.

I'm loving it! The whole grown-up John Mayer thing. The lyrics, the music, everything!
I'm not sure how to describe it but somehow the whole album can really "cool" me down. It's now a current staple when I drive.
2.5 days and still going....

So scared of gettin' older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
to find a way to say that
life has just begun
- Stop the Train (John Mayer) -

Wet laundry

My roomie was complaining about doing laundry, and I couldn't help but smile reading her blog, coz I remember that she was the "better" one in this area when we used to share an apartment.
All I can say is, as much as I'm impressed at how she's turned the other way around, I am afraid I can quite confidently say that I still outdo her record.

Anyway, those who really know me would know that I am the biggest fan of cool, super gloomy, overcast days. Simply for the cool air and nothing else.
It never crossed my mind that I would one day beg for the sun to show up (at least just a bit), but surprisingly it has happened today.
The reason?

What else but the freakin' laundry?
My gosh! What do I have to do to get my freakin' underwears dry?????!?!
OK, I know I'm gonna regret posting this since I really don't feel comfortable talking about underwears and all (in public)... but what can I say? It does get to you a bit when, after like a whole 7-day week of non-stop rain, none of your "intimate apparel" can hang to dry, ok??!??!?

I really miss the 24-hr laundry room in my old apartment, but then again, I guess it won't solve the problem since I have definitely learned my lesson that some stuff are just not machine-washable.Period.

Ona side note, you know there's a mismatch between your actual and "musical" age, when you can't get Justin Timberlake's My Love out of your head. And to make things worse, you can't even stop yourself from sitting in a daze in front of the TV whenever you accidentally see the video on MTV while flipping channels.
I'm doomed!!! DOOMED, I tell ya!

OH WHAT A DAY!!!

Yipadeedoodah! Zipadeedoodah!
What a beautiful, overcast day today!

The results are out and I cleared them all! Both my classes that is.... And I actually did quite ok!
Much better than I thought. What makes me even happier is the fact that my buddy, Mr. Bunny, my most dependeable and loyal partner-in-crime also got the same results as me!

So the heck with those people who claim that the only reason I can get a good grade is because of the work I'm supposed to be doing for the lecturer.
It's our sweat, tears and blood, ok? We busted our ass off doing our group projects.
(You're right, Mr. Bunny.... what do they know? And why should I care what they think? .... Well, I did kinda care a bit... but now, the heck with'em!)

Gosh..... I'm so happy!
At least my nightmare didn't come true. I've officially seen the last of my school days.... !

YIPEE!!!!

Going back to my delusional mode:

Suddenly in between the panadol - colds I've been chugging for this damn flu that won't go away, something crossed my mind:

Is it possible that there has always been that one image at the back of my mind all along?
Could it be the reason why nothing else seems to be right?
Have this delusional state of mind has been going on for most of the past decade?

If that's the case, then boy,... am I screwed up!

Then again, I can always blame this holidays' blues.New year's resolution: To bounce back from this delusional mode.

(de·lu·sion·al)

From wikipedia:

A delusion is commonly defined as a false belief, and is used in everyday language to describe a belief that is either false, fanciful or derived from deception. In psychiatry, the definition is necessarily more precise and implies that the belief is pathological (the result of an illness or illness process).

Couldn't think of any better word to describe what's going on in my head right now.

A lightbulb moment

Out of nowhere, this afternoon, a lightbulb just lit up in my head.
So now aside from the tons of things on my wish-to-do list that I haven't achieved,
a new item has just popped up.

......
*drumroll*
......

I wish to write a book.

I don't mean that I want to be a published author of any sort. I think I am already close to maxing out on the amount of rejection I can handle.
Just a book. A very short one will do.
It doesn't matter if it turns out crappy. Or sappy. Or cheesy. Or ridiculous.
It doesn't matter if it's all nonsensical nonsense.
It doesn't matter if I'm the only person to read it. Ever.

I remember cooking up stories in my head as a kid. I remember starting something but then throwing it away as I was dead sure that my mom would scold me as she would definitely have seen it as a waste of time, when I should have been studying instead.
I remember a good friend in high school suggesting that I should try writing scripts for TV or something, simply because of the crazy plots in the nightmares and silly dreams that I shared with her.

I don't know what got into me this afternoon.
Maybe it's just my brain suggesting an idea to fill this void.

lol

Yup.
To write a book.
Rephrase that:
To write a book that nobody reads.
Somehow this sounds better to me. It reminds me of this particular dancer turned singer turned actress turned mrs. movie director. If she can do it, why can't I?

If my mom had a wishlist for Christmas, or New Year's, or even her next birthday (which is almost a year away), I suspect I know one potentially major item on the top of the list.
Unfortunately, as much as I try to be a good daughter, there's very little I can do to help her get this wish. This despite the fact that I could literally see the picture of it in front of me.

What can I say, ... life just doesn't work out that way. You can't always (or in my case, you simply don't) get what you want.

On the bright side, I did clear up the misunderstanding before I left... well at least on my end.
At least now I know my mom's not that nutty after all (to be putting me in such an embarassing spot), though now she's pressuring me to clarify with the other end that the message did not come from her.
Honestly I really just want to get it over with, but I really don't know how to do it without making it seems like such a big deal.

It's raining.... projects

Today is almost surreal. My final FINAL.
I know I must have experienced this feeling before, considering I have completed other degree programs before but somehow it feels a bit more intense now.
Maybe it's just been an intense 1.5 year but then again maybe it's just me getting older and less able to handle it mentally as the previous times.

Honestly though, if not for the fact that my "boss" has just showered me with additional projects , I think I would have gone ahead with the idea that crossed my mind this afternoon: french classes/mandarin classes/photography classes. Anything that will make sure at least I get to talk and interact with people.
(I suspect my roomie will want to whack my head and tell me to snap out of it when she sees this.)

Anyway I suppose decision time is stretched to Chinese New Year now.
I hope I find something by then coz otherwise it's "Adios, amigos!" for me.

I hope it wasn't a bad sign that this morning the staff at this particular embassy kept asking me when the passport-size photo I submitted was taken.
I hope they weren't trying to tell me that I have aged so much in just a few months.

I stumbled upon this....., and I'm so loving it!
It's just so darn hilarious!

An accidentally cool movie

"Remember son.... the word triumpsh starts with "try" and ends with "umph"
"Umph...umph...umph..."
- Memphis & Young Mumble, Happy Feet (2006)-

I didn't go with much expectation, but ended up loving the movie. It is definitely accidentally cool to me. I think I haven't laughed that much at the movies for a really long time (but then again, I haven't been to the movies that much lately).
The choice of the songs in the supposedly "spontaneous" singing scenes was just hilarious.... Robin Williams' performance is brilliant (as usual.... though sometimes I feel sorry for the guys as I believe he's gotten so deep into each and every single roles he's played that he just goes around collecting all these personas and as a result... a little bit "wacky", if I might say). Anwyay,I didn't know Brittany Murphy could sing??!?
I wish I could have a stuffed Little Mumble... SO CUTE!!!!

After the show, Suzie and I talked about not eating fish. But how is that even remotely possible at all?
I LURRRVE FISH!!! And actually, I'm quite dependent on fish right now.

Lucky people

Earlier this evening, while driving home from my yoga class, I had to stop at a traffic light.
There was a couple there, waiting for their turn to cross the street after their evening walk around the reservoir, I assume. When it was their turn to cross, I could see how the husband was carefully leading the pregnant wife, with his arms around her as both of them slowly walked across.

I must say... not everybody in this world is as lucky as they are.
I hope they know that.

Is there such a thing as school-project withdrawal syndrome?

A historical day

A very important day in the history of mankind.

I submitted my last paper today. It was a 68-page group paper that I whacked down from 80-something pages.

After about 40 sleepless hours and a drive to campus and library (where I made a significant "contribution" to the library's fund), I came home and sat in a daze.

Ran into another international student from the new batch at the library, who innocently commented: You haven't been getting enough sleep, have you?

You got that right, man!
(And why the hell am I still sitting in front of the computer right now?)

I know I've also said it before but I really, really mean it this time :
I've really had enough with schools.That's it. This is as far as it goes.

On the top of my shopping list right now: hylexin.

Romancing Singapore?

From Friday's edition of the Business Times - 17 Nov 2006 :

SINGAPORE - Singapore loves the dating game.

The government is so keen for its citizens to marry and procreate that it is setting aside $600,000 (US$384,250) to help fund private matchmaking agencies as part of a new move to reverse the island-state's falling birth rate.
...
Singapore is worried about its declining birth rate. Earlier this year, the Department of Statistics reported that the birth rate had fallen for the 28th consecutive year below the 'replacement rate' needed to maintain the population. The fertility rate had fallen to a record low of 1.24 children per female.
In a speech marking National Day in August, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong urged married couples to have more children, and outlined a plan to encourage immigration as part of efforts to increase Singapore's population.
The new matchmaking plan follows other government efforts such as 'Romancing Singapore', a 2004 campaign that involved tips on meeting partners, heart-shaped pizzas and the launch of a perfume carrying the campaign name. The government also offers financial incentives to encourage larger families.
A recent Social Development Unit survey revealed that 90 per cent of 1,000 singles interviewed hoped to get married, and 72 per cent wanted more opportunities to meet possible partners.
The survey said Singapore's singles had spent $29 million so far this year on dating-related expenses, including dining, traditional or computer matchmaking, speed dating and personal ads. -- AP

I know it is a critical issue for Singapore's survival, but somehow I still find myself quite amazed by how hands-on the government is.
I guess one of Mariah Carey's earliest songs "Love takes time" is definitely not something they want to hear right now.

The last class, but not the last supper (I hope)

I had my last lecture in the program this evening.

It's so weird. I can't believe it's really the end.
I'm so gonna miss seeing everybody in class. As I was telling some of the guys earlier, I won't really have anyone to talk to now.
It's a bit sad.
(What can I say... I've always been the sentimental type)

I don't care. Must plan for a good time to celebrate once we're done with the exams.
And I'll definitely try my best to keep in touch with this crowd!

It's not that easy to get so many nice friends all at one go at this age.
I mean, gone are the school days where you have friends to just "chill" and hang out with.

I must say, if I had to name the most important thing I gained from this program, ...
it's gotta be getting to know this lovely bunch of people.

Different personalities, different styles, but at the end of the day, we all became friends.
And I really, really like that.
Wish I could turn back time.... NOT.

I'll keep the friends, but not the torturous program.

Getting compliment for the work you've done feels GREAT!

It's that time of the year again....for me to start coming up with items for the never-to-be-actualized New Year's Resolutions!
Gosh... I have so many items to include on the list.

Sweatie-pie

After 4 weeks of absence from my yoga class, I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed the torture.
The really nice 3-musketeer ladies in the class (including the awesome 57-yr old auntie) were all asking why I didn't show up.
They're really nice though.

Anyway, I know this is silly but I don't care. I'm so proud of myself for doing a semi shoulder stand. I managed to push my knees close to my chest (I think I just took a really deep breath and threw my legs up) and somehow miraculously managed to straighten them up and held them up for maybe about 20 seconds.

It might be nothing for others but it means a lot to me to be able to do that.
At least that's an improvement coz I really couldn't do it last time I tried it, which was probably about 6 weeks ago, although I thought I remember being able to do it when I was in PE class back in secondary school.

Anyway, the only disappointment this time was that I could not manage to throw my legs back up after I dropped them. So I guess that was as far as I could go for now.

I have made up my mind. Will ask my trainer to help me learn how to do a proper shoulder stand.

Seriously, although I had heard about it like a zillion times, I never realized how good working out can make you feel, despite the feeling like you're gonna die over and over again during the process.

All this just makes me wonder if I had somehow picked up sports while growing up, whether or not I would still have any of my current issues.

Anyway, it's never too late to start, right?

Thanks for the (no) help, Madam!

This actually happened about 2 weeks ago. Grandpa had forgotten about his keys and left them stuck on the door coming home from one of his smoking breaks downstairs. Nothing special I suppose considering his age.
However, some assholes were more than happy to snatch those dangling keys from our door.
Luckily, it was a Sunday. Everybody was home when Grandpa suddenly realized he didn't have his keys with him. My uncle went out to get some replacement locks and everything was under control within 2 hours.

(This is the wonderful thing with the guys in my family.... the older ones at least. They're always so hands-on. For example, my dad has always been the 24-hr electrician/plumber/car mechanic. He's definitely THE HANDYMAN in the family. My late paternal grandpa was also like that. He could fix anything you can think of... refrigerator, TV, video, battery-powered mini cars, bicycles, generators, ..... anything other than computer, of course, considering he was way into his retirement age by the time computers are all over the place)

Anyway, back to the lost keys.
So things were cool for the rest of the weekend and Monday. Come Tuesday morning, though, it was a different story.

Around 11 am, somebody rung the door bell, while I was stuck in my room working on my project.
I went out of my room and quietly tiptoed to take a peek at who it was -- a habit that I have somehow developed after my 4 years in Chicago. No, it wasn't because I was avoiding debt collectors or anything like that. By now I can't really remember why and how I developed the habit, but I'm positive there was one particular event that triggered it.

Anyway it was 2 guys that I saw through the peeking hole (whatever you call it).
I don't know that many people in this city and I most definitely don't recognize those 2 faces. I also know that my aunt, who owns the flat, does not have visitors that often either, other than relatives.
Instead of opening the door, I quietly slipped back to my room and grabbed my digital camera. I turned the thing on as I tiptoed back out.

By the time I got back to the door, I could hear them trying to use the keys.

Now this is when I made the biggest mistake. I got so excited at the idea of catching potential burglars that I lost my cool. Forgetting that I had a camera on my left hand, I opened the main door (I was really high, I tell ya'.... what an adrenalin rush) and startled the guy (the other one was standing further away by the elevators) when I asked him what he was doing. The startled guy who by then had his back turned towards me did not reply. I raised my volume and repeated my question.

He turned back to face me, and replied: " Oh no... we're selling VCDs..."
As I said, I got too excited and lost my cool, as I instantaneously replied:" Yeah... rite....."

It was then and there, at that split second, that he saw I had a camera on my left hand.
He ran like a sissy and I could hear his buddy following him.

I had to grab my keys and struggle a bit to open the outer grille door (Was still not used to the new locks). Instead of taking the stairs which were right by the flat, those two sissies ran towards the corridor on the other side of the block. Obviously they were very familiar with the place as most people usually don't realize that there is an additional staircase on the other end of the block. Even my aunt didn't realize that there was a staircase there....

Anyway, I tried to chase those two, but by the time I managed to open the door and ran to that corridor, they were way ahead of me.

I was actually pretty ok afterwards. Just some silly kids, I thought...
I didn't think much of this until later on when some of my friends insisted that I should go to the police to report this. Just to be save, they said...

One thing led to another, and these friends of mine definitely managed to freak me out.
So, I thought, oh what the heck... just go and get it over with.

So the following night, my aunt and I went to police station to report this.

I must say, I was really impressed at how the police lady officer couldn't even properly feign a concerned look on her face.

For starters, I learned that there was nothing that the police can do since those two guys did not manage to get in. So, I couldn't report it as attempted break-in. I suppose I should have let them in instead.

I also noticed that the lady officer did not even bother asking me what the guys looked like until way, way in the end,after she repeated for like the hundredth time that there was nothing they could do. I think the two officers at the two different counters where I had to report and re-report myself (within less than 50 metres) might have spent more time taking down my particulars. Anyway by the time she asked, I really did not see what the point was in her doing so, especially since she only scribbled my description on a piece of scratch note on her desk, despite having some fancy looking monitor in front of her showing some fancy looking screen, and a keyboard right at her fingertips. By now I wonder if the screen was really working.

The highlight of the day, though... or should I say the highlight of the evening, was when she asked me which block the address was (again, this was not until way, way, WAY later, which is interesting). Her response to our answer was, "Yeah... there really is nothing much we can do. Your neighborhood, ... you're at Txxxx Gxxxxxx Rd right? Yeah... there are a lot of questionable characters there,especially block xx to xx (she named a range of numbers that included our block".

Then it was all the yadayadayada about protecting ourselves, adding extra locks, calling the emergency number if we see any suspicious character loitering around, etc.

Anyway, what really impressed me though was her inability as a police officer to at least comfort me or at the very least create the illusion of a sense of security.
I mean, there I was a resident who's concerned about the safety of me and my family members, and what she decided to do was basically to tell me that we're not living in the right neighborhood and that there's nothing they could do?
I mean, if it is such an unsafe neighborhood, shouldn't they be patroling the area more often then? I mean, apart from 2 incidents involving reports of a small fire, I have never seen any police officer patroling around here.

I suppose the campaign that they used to run "Low crime doesn't mean no crime" couldn't have been more appropriate.
I just wish there were more that they could offer as public servants in instilling the public sense of security.

Another Quantum Leap moment

My gosh...
The other day I was listening to the radio and somehow they played Jay Chou's Hui dao guo qu.

Slam!
Another Quantum Leap moment for me.
Suddenly I was back in my apartment at 1030 Dearborn.
The second floor apartment without heat but with a really nice window looking out.
I remember listening to this song a lot those days.

Undescribable feeling.

me & me

I know I'm exaggerating, but I feel like I'm exploding and I have to get it out of my chest.So, here it goes:

I don't think I've ever been this anxious before.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS THING!
I'VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING ELSE MORE THAN THIS!
...
(pause & breathe)
...

"Oh yes, you certainly have." my brain replied.
"In fact, I think I can come up with at least a dozen more things you're wishing for right now..."

"Oh yeah hor....."

(sigh)

(go back to my long overdue projects)

Good and bad news

Bad news: Think the haze is killing me. at only psi around 59, I already feel like I'm suffocating. It also comes with nausea and headache. I blame my trip to kiwiland for spoiling me with the damn fresh air.

Good news: The almighty machine says I actually lost fat and gained only muscle the past 2 weeks.

Bad news: I think there's something really wrong with machine.

Good news: I will be done with my last exam by Dec 4th!

Bad news: I have 2 group projects due in the next few days. And they're all major stuff :(

Good news: I think I've reached a point where I couldn't care less. I just want to be done with the whole thing.

Bad news: My wisdom tooth is giving me a hellish time right now.

Good news: I think I have adequately supplied myself with painkillers from back home.

So in conclusion.... everything's under control.
(yanking my hair out while typing this)

Post-whirlwind

The past two weeks has been a whirlwind. I don't even know where to start.
I don't think I've ever felt this exhausted before.

After running around the Sydney airport to catch our connecting flight, after a serious delay in our first flight from Auckland, I made it back to this hazeland late Thursday night.
As much as I tried to catch up and cook up a decent presentation, the exhaustion and distraction was taking its toll, I think. So I failed. My Friday presentation was really bad.... I'm really disappointed in myself.

It's only a freaking 15% of your grade. Don't worry about it. You have tons of other things to worry about.
I try to convince myself.

Anyway, don't have much time to mope around. I must catch up on the other 2 group projects.
Now those are really major stuff if I really want to graduate this year.

I came home after a group meeting on Saturday feeling a bit giddy. Took one panadol extra and some diluted honey (hope that really works), and found myself totally out for .. 10 HOURS?
I haven't had that much sleep since....since......
I can't remember.

When you wake up one day and find that the butterflies-in-your-stomach is gone,
(No, it's got nothing to do with our digestive system....)
and you don't even know exactly when and where you lost it.
You just sat there and felt the butterflies slowly dissapear.
Nothing you could do coz it was just a feeling in your stomach. There was no butterfly to catch.
It is a bit sad, but as usual, who has time to mourn the departure of a feeling in one's stomach?
So you sit down, take a deep breath, pat yourself on the shoulder and stand back up again.
Life goes on ...

Coincidence?

What an interesting coincidence involving these 4 figures....
Can't help but wonder if I should buy 4D..... but I don't know how it works and I sure the heck don't like the idea of queueing up in such a long line for it.
If only they had an online system......with tutorials.

Wonder why I never noticed how "anglo" is just a breath away from"ang-moh"...

Silly me...

Boy was I wrong or what....

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I wanted to deal with more "concrete" things than rows and rows of numbers,
only to find myself getting cross-eyed from staring at up to 22,000 rows of data at one point in time.

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I would be free from annoying crappy databases that sound all great in concept until you need them to work properly and respond promptly),
only to find myself stuck with another one with even more issues to deal with.... so much so that I have to hold my breath and keep my toes crossed while doing a single click on my mouse.

(For God's sake, can't everyone learn from google? Capacity! CAPACITY!For God's sake please make sure your server's adequate before you start charging thousand and thousands of dollars will ya? Silly me forgot that I was fighting for access with people from the other side of the world)

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I want to be closer to my family,
only to find myself drifting even further apart.

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I will be able to spend more time and attention on my dearest family,
only to find myself having neither the time nor the patience to pay enough attention to them.

Silly me didn't have a clue...

What is it with doctors?

Somewhere along our usual late night rants on MSN, Gin-man started complaining about being surrounded by doctors.
He's the mutant, really...

Anyway,why is it that
doctors marry doctors then raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise even MORE doctors?

I mean, I'm thinking at one point or another, these people are gonna end up related to each other, aren't they?
Where do you draw the line before it's considered an incestuous relationship then?

Well, but then again, maybe with the story of Adam & Eve.... I guess we're all on the same boat here....

Nevermind, let's not get started...

Breathe again....

It's been a rather quiet weekend.
The weather was actually quite nice this evening. Just when I thought I would never see the end of the horrible hazy days we've been stuck with the past few days, suddenly I woke up from my nap this afternoon to find that everything was clear. No sign of the nasty haze anywhere to be found.
I could even see people strolling by the reservoir , trying to make the best use of the nice weather while we still have it, I suppose. And tonight, I could clearly see all the lights from across the reservoir, including the blinking lights from the 3 towers.
What a nice feeling.... just to be able to open your windows and breathe normally.
Something that we tend to take for granted, I suppose.....

The sky is falling on my head...

I've been feeling claustrophobic the past few days.
At first I thought it was just my room. Then I went outside, and it wasn't any better.
It's the haze, I think.
I'm not sure why.... I've dealt with fog and haze before.
I told Mr. Bunny that I feel like the sky is falling on me.
I feel like I'm suffocating... or wait a minute.... I AM suffocating.
There's no need to open your windows unless you want to get a taste of the fresh haze. Occasionally, you can really smell it.

I'm just glad my niece is not here right now. I bet her allergies will give her a really hard time.

Chien-Ming Wang, jia you!

I've just learned today that ladies' level of body fat is influenced by their periods.
Interesting..... I think I must have dozed off in high school biology when they discussed this.

My latest crush

I don't understant a lot about US politics. I just know that I'm not crazy about their current president AT ALL. I was a huge Clinton (the Mr) fan years back before the whole Lewinsky scandal. I kinda' respect Clinton (the Mrs) since she just seems like she could kick ass, though I've heard some negative opinions about her. I mean I'm sure nobody's perfect but who cares, I think she would make one heck of a leader, and I would really like to see her as the first female president of USA, so Clinton can be.... the first mister? I dunno....
(Now do you see what a fun and interesting time it would be to have her hold that position? I personally think if France's Segolene Royal wins the election, US would be so passe if they don't have Hillary up the next round. The devil wears Prada will then have to be based in Paris rather than NYC.)

Anyway, I started to like Gore since that day he showed his sense of humour by guest-starring in SNL. I like people who have the ability to occasionally not take themselves too seriously and maybe make fun of themselves once in a while. Simply because I've found that people of this type of personality are usually not as uptight and arrogant as others might be.

Now, I think I'm really close to having a crush on Gore.
All because of this short footage I caught on TV of this documentary
An Inconvenient Truth of Al Gore's crusade to save the world.

Why?

One. The movie, or maybe I should say just the short footage of it scared the shit out of me. So much so that I felt like buying a submarine or a house up in the mountains (not anywhere near any volcanoes though .... now if only I could afford it). Well, ok... so maybe this is not the first time the thought has crossed my mind. Some other Hollywood productions have did it to me before, but this is when my second reason comes in to the picture.

Two. I really find it inspirational to see how some people just don't bury themselves under any failure they have to face along their ways. There was one footage of Gore introducing himself,"Hi. I'm Al Gore. I used to be the next president of the USA". Going back to what I said about people with a sense of humour, I love that intro. So what if he didn't make it as the president of the U.S.A.......?? Big deal!!!He's moved on to do a more important mission:
To save the world!

Gosh, I think I really have a crush on him now.
^_^

I'm a bit sad that the (ex)Japanese PM Koizumi had to leave.
I'm not familiar with any of his policies, or anything like that.
Honestly haven't been doing a good job in keeping up with international news.

I just somehow feel that he's a fairly decent guy.
Maybe it's the funky hairdo.

Yea... come to think of it, I think it's the funky hairdo. I'm still not sure whether that's natural or permed.

It's either that or the repeated footage of him ballroom-dancing with Richard Gere. YUP! I think that's what did it to me.

Happy butterflies

I had a little "chat" session with one of my best friends, Bule, last night.
For some reasons, she seems to think I have the ability to decipher dreams, as she has this habit of asking me to do it for her, and this has been going on forever.

Anyway, we ended up talking about dreams.
Not just any dreams, but those that gave you this particular happy butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. Those happy dreams that really make you feel reluctant to wake up to the harsh reality.

It's been a while, I must say....

Unbreak my heart

I spoke to one of my YA-YA sisters on Tuesday.
It's been a while since we last had our catch-up session.
I was in a "mixed" mood but leaning towards a rather good mood. Unfortunately, she was on the opposite extreme, trying to bury herself in work to temporarily forget about her problem, it seems.

It really broke my heart to hear her story.
It's crazy what the heart can make you do despite what the mind tells you.

Sometimes I find it amazing the number of heart-breaking stories I have heard from people around me. So much so that at one point I really suspected that I brought bad "qi" to my friends. A friend even once suggested that I could probably write a book compiling all these drama, or maybe even work for a korean production house.

Up to this point, I think I've kinda' decided that my bad "qi" can't be that powerful as to have an impact on so many people. Therefore, my final conclusion is that the problem lies with people. These humans.... tsk..tsk..tsk...
(Oops.... I guess I've kinda' overlooked the fact that I'm one of them too :P)

I framed myself

Yesterday, my trainer said that he didn't realize that I kinda have "small bones", i.e. small-framed.
"You've gotta be kidding me...," I said, " I don't get associated with the word small ... EVER."
He said that was based on his observation on my wrist size.
Well,... I thought then that it was acceptable given that one tend to experience some kind of optical illusion when comparing a large item to another humongously larger item.

Just out of curiosity, I checked online, and guess what....
I'm a MEDIUM-framed!
Hey, I'll take anything other than LARGE (and any combination involving this word), anytime anyday...

When you think too much....

I'm listening to Jay Chou's new album, and I'm actually loving it.
Some of the songs are really quite nice. I really like 千里之外 despite my aunt's comment that the older singer (Fei Yu Qing) is a way better singer than Jay Chou. 听妈妈的话, which I think is supposed to be some kind of conversation to Jay's younger self (based on my limited knowledge of mandarin )is also a really nice song to listen to. I also like 红模仿 simply coz I think some elements added to the song reflect the guy's sense of humour. Out of the 3 music videos I've seen for this album, the one with a cute Chinese boy vampire and the spoof of the Ring's Sadako was the one I like the best.

Sometimes I think the world is just so not fair....
While people like Jay Chou and 方文山 are just drowning in their talents,
while my classmates who are new moms lose weight as easy as they breathe,
while some are lucky enough to be doing their dream jobs,
while others make money as they open their eyes in the morning, ....

Better not get started, I guess....
I mean, I know for a fact that everyone has his or her own set of problems, as what I usually advise any of my friends who's feeling down and starting to look at others with a dash of jealousy.

My mom also told me something that my grandma used to tell her:
人比人，气死人

Well, this is what happens when you think too much, I suppose.
Something that I somehow ended up discussing with a friend the other day.

So, better stop fretting and pull yourself together, girl!
Every day is a bonus, so ......... THANKS, GOD!

I love fast people

I love small offices. I love efficient, and most importantly friendly, staff at a particular embassy in town.
Less than half an hour to get approval? God Bless them!
(Can't believe how I spent such a longer time (weeks, actually) to straighten things out with ppl back home)

All governments should learn from this particular office and get rid of those typically nasty,lengthy and unnecessary procedures.

I know that it's just how life is but being manipulated sucks. Big time.

Poker vs. Cucumber

Sometimes I really wish I could be more composed.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't get fired up the way I do when it gets to something I really care about.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't get over-excited the way I do when it gets to something I really like.
Sometimes I wish I were cool as a cucumber.
Sometimes I wish I were a poker champion, with the poker face, poker voice and all.

My roomie tried to convince me that I'd be just fine without a poker face.
I must say, I think a poker face and voice would come in really handy though.
Some kind of protective shield..... for me and for the people around me (e.g. my current team mates).

Well, anyway I've decided to forget about poker face and poker voice.
I have a new item for my (extremely long) new year's resolution list :
TO BE COOL AS A CUCUMBER

Somehow, it never crossed my mind before to list it in my previous new year's resolutions.

I'm listening to this Madeline Peyroux CD that I just got on my way home from my group meeting. For some reason, the songs somehow just send me back to my second apartment in Chicago.

It was a teeny weeny studio on the third floor of the south wing of a vintage building. There were 2 large windows with a crappy view of the parking lot and the alley behind the church next to the building. I saw my first snow flakes through those windows. I kept track of this particular tree's changing colours my first fall there. My very first experience of cooking for my friends was there. So was my very first experience of almost killing myself (and probably others, too) and causing a fire in the whole building (on a separate occasion). I had my first (and hopefully the last) visit from the cops following a complaint from some grumpy old lady neighbour, when my friends and I had too much of a good time when I had some of them over for dinner.

Oh, now I remember why the CD did this to me.
I think my ex-boss's hubby was playing her songs when my ex-boss had a farewell party for me at her home.
It just brings back memories of good times in the past.

Over a chat this evening with some of my classmates, I've just remembered this one particular thing I wanted to complain about traffic back home.

No, it's not the traffic jam.
I've accepted the fact that it is what it is. I doubt that there will be any significant change within the next 20 years or so, considering how things are done back there.

What I found most annoying from my driving experience during this most recent 4-day stay was the pedestrians.
God, they're annoying!!!!

I could not and still can not fathom what is so fun about jaywalking that all of them, and I mean all... well, ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but seriously a lot of them do, either have a cheeky grin or a really wide smile when they jaywalk.
On one occasion on the road leading to the toll-way, with tons of vehicles running in high speed, I even encountered a bunch of giggly ladies (who were definitely not in their teens) chuckling and laughing, holding hands while dashing across the street. What made it even more annoying was how they deliberately completely slow down, while still giggling, and strutted along once you slow down to let them cross.

Speechless...

I mean, I'm not a saint. I definitely jaywalk, too. BUT there is a huge difference: I happen to take jaywalking as a dead-serious activity, ok? I only do that either when the traffic is in a complete stand still, or when I know that I won't be in the way of the incoming vehicles which are usually quite a distance away. OH well, I know this is quite a relative measure which can be debated, but at the very least, I never, never, NEVER giggle when I jaywalk.As I said before,it's a dead-serious activity to me.

I think we should have a heavier fine for giggling jaywalkers. I think they're insulting the serious jaywalkers like me.

A nice compliment ... and a few more

There's this really nice middle-aged couple in one of my yoga class. Unfortunately they're dropping the class since they are not able to keep up with the rest of the class.
Today was the last classs, so I stopped to talk to them in the hallway, just so I could kinda' say good-bye to them.

He confirmed they won't be coming next week.
"We can't do most of the stuff.....," he smiled, before adding, "But you......you're doing really well, though."
I couldn't help but gave an awkward smile. Not sure what to say as I think he was just trying to be nice.
"No... seriously! I mean, despite your size....." he added again with a smile.

Hahahaha....
I thought then at that minute that he must have meant what he said.

Thanks for making my day, Uncle!

I love the compliments I've been getting the past few days.

An acquaintance said my face was "thinner". My sis-in-law liked my hair. My aunt said my butt is ever-so-slightly smaller. Eeyore said I looked kinda' cute driving my sis-in-law's Pooh-invested Honda Jazz... (What can I say.... I don't hear the word cute being associated with me that often, even when it's in a joking manner such as in this case. So, I happily took note of this historical event).

One hectic week-end

I just came back from the lovely Miss M's wedding reception. It was really sweet of Miss M to invite my parents but they had another reception to attend, so my brother and sis-in-law went with me. It was a good thing they did as I only knew very few people there (sigh..... I guess one of the downside of being single is not having any readily available friend to go to functions like this), but anyway it was definitely worth the trip back here just to see Miss M - Pak W, Girbo, Samantha, Yuli and ...... Lenny! I haven't seen the chirpy gal since 2004, I believe.....
Gosh... it just reminds me of all the pork talk....

Anyway, I didn't know I was going to have such a tight schedule here trying to juggle everyone and everything during my 3D/3N stay here.
I have been here less than 36 hours but I felt like I've done tons of stuff and met tons of people.

Mom picked me up at the airport yesterday and we made a stop at my aunt's place to drop off some stuff for the 2-Qis. My Dad's youngest sis was going to return to Canada this morning, so my Dad wanted us to have a proper sending off, with a family dinner. So, after a quick nap at home, I had to drive Didi, Mom and me to the restaurant, where we met (some of) the rest of the clan. We had a really good time,especially with after-dinner entertainment by my niece and nephew, which reminded me of the "shows" my brother and I used to put together for the family when we were young. We reached home around 8.30 and some of my younger cousins stayed over here for the nite. The boys played PS2 with my brother while the girls and I (plus my youngest aunt) had a girl talk session. Then Dude picked me up at 11.30. We picked up Eeyore at his home and Dude dragged both of us to NuChina in Kemang. I wasn't crazy about the music they were playing that night but Dude had said that nowadays she only had the two of us to go clubbing with, so I tried to bear with it for a while. By 2 am though, I was bored stiff.
We finally left at 2.30 am and by then Eeyore was starving, so we headed down to the nearby McD.

It was almost 4 am by the time I got home to find the kids (except for Marilyn) strewn all over the place and the couch. I had to start shifting everyone to the room, waking one at a time and making sure each of those sleep-walking kids gets a corner to stretch and sleep in the air-conditioned room. 2 girls and 2 boys later, I was out..... only to be disturbed less than 4 hours later by the chat going on over breakfast in the dining room.

Within the following 14 hours or so, I managed to:
-Tagged along with my sis-in-law to send the girls home so one of them can make it in time to her boyfriend's volleyball match (Gosh... I still remember the days when I had to bathe and feed her as a toddler, and now dating.... I feel so old now!!!).
- Met my sis-in-law's mom and his brother Ben at his new shop (Interestingly, Ben was wearing the t-shirt I gave him a few years ago)
- Picked up some softwares for myself at the nextdoor shop
- Had a (useless) facial to help calm my (still) breaking-out skin condition
- Went for a catok session at a neighbourhood hair salon that I will never step my foot in again in the future
- Attended Miss M's reception and met some of the Dearborn(+) gank.

I guess Grandma was right. I shouldn't have bothered bringing my materials here.
There are already things lined up for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

I just wish I could get some good night's sleep to let my skin recover.
Oh yea... and for all of these not have any impact on my program.

Dream on....

I'm hooked on this particular HK TV series. It's actually something within the line of Grey's Anatomy. Not as sad and intense as ER.

Sometimes the brain gives you the wrong signal....... and you'd think that there's something, when the reality is there's nothing there.

A rough idea of what I can remember and interpret from a character in the show, who's a doctor making a comment about her own life, by referring to one of her patient's complains of pain from a recently amputated limb.

Distorted messages. Misinterpreted messages.

(Speechless)

Better go and pack now. It's less than 10 hours before my flight and I have not even started packing. Yea... I'm a true blue procrastinator. What can I say?
Mom took my 2, cabin and medium-size, suitcases.... so I (think I) have an excuse to get a new one :P

Just bought myself a pretty little khaki 4-wheeler. YAY!I love 4-wheelers.
Guess where I bought it??...
MUSTAFA, of course! Hahahaha... where else can you shop at 1 am in the morning?
Finally... no more lugging and dragging things around like a rickshaw-man!
Unbelievable... I'm actually packing my yoga mat. Hahahaha.... I betcha my family's gonna have such a good time poking fun at me.
I'm only doin it as I've learned my lesson after my experience last week. Didn't do anything at all for several days and I actually felt quite uncomfortable. Some kind of weird soreness going on.
Coming from me....., I find this testimony amazing. ^_^

Thursday nite at school

Had a wacky time at school this evening.

The Prof who pronounced "Rolex" like "Durex.
The same prof who listed massage as one of the "local demand".
Mr Kuah who sms-ed me begging to be killed (Luckily I didn't really get the sms in time as I silenced my phone..... I might have found the request too tempting to reject).
Uncle who managed to catch a quick nap while sitting upright with a very peaceful , zen-like look on his face.
Ms. Eye who thought that I said I was dating when I told her I was driving.

If not for the above, the lecture was seriously dangerously boring. So much so that I managed to fall asleep.... twice!
Both while still not giving up on trying to scribble down the prof's comments on my lecture notes.
Great.
Can't wait to see what I wrote as the impact of globalization on urban growth in low-income countries.

I went shopping today in my attempt to try to find a decent dress for this Sunday. Anyway, I must say it was a rather frustrating experience, for obvious reasons...
So, I will be doing a second sweeping at Orchard tomorrow, after picking up my tickets and of course after completing my 1.5 hr of torture. If nothing else is available in the market, I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go with this one.
I seriously have no idea what I'm doing. I hope I won't appear in any magazine's list of Don'ts.
Keeping my fingers crossed.....