leave me alone

It sucks when you think someone's avoiding you, regardless of whether or not that person is really doing so.
Although in this case, I'm almost 99% sure that person is really avoiding me.

And if that's true, what's annoying me is that it wasn't even my fault, since I know exactly what the cause is.
I didn't have anything to do with it!!!!
It really wasn't me......

Anyway, on the other hand I guess it is a rather effective way of putting an end to all this nonsense.

As much as I know how impossible it is, I just wish those over-zealous people (as HB put it)would leave me alone after all this brouhaha.
I just feel like sitting in my dark corner and dwell in this unbelievably miserable feeling.

Just leave me alone.

Hooked

Thanks to channel 255, I'm hooked....

None of the endless crying and sobbing typical of Korean dramas, this one has way more hilarious moments than anything else. Just a dash of some touching scenes here and there. And when they do have sad scenes, they're never too lengthy, which is something I definitely like.
But then again, I've only seen 6 out of 16 episodes.
So far though, I'm liking it so much I'm having a hard time figuring out whether or not Full House is the only Korean drama I can enjoy.

I missed the first episode coz I really wasn't planning on watching the show. I had come up with a strategy for watching K-drama, which is to have my relatives or friends watch everything and only watch any of those that they say are funny. In other words, I only watch one show: Full House.

Out of boredom though, I caught the second episode of this show. I was skeptic at first but decided to give it a chance as I wasn't sure where it was heading. I figured the show is different from the rest when they got to the scene at the hospital when Gong-chan thought his grandpa had died. That was quite funny and that was really the turning point for me. My favorite scene so far though was when the lead actress dressed up in a super-chicken mascot costume (cape and all) and took revenge for her father.
Damn hilarious!!! Can't wait for next weekend.

Still got no resolutions

After my trainer stood me up yesterday, I went for a girl-power lunch with HB yesterday. Initially, we wanted to go to this French restaurant for dinner but decided to do lunch instead to make sure we still have some cash to last us till the end of the year. It was a really good pow-wow with really good food served in very xiao-jie servings, as HB put it.

I ran out of memory on my phone so couldn't take any pictures of the yummy stuff. It was a 3-course lunch andHB started taking pictures of the appetizers but I think by the time we finished it, we completely forgot about it.

I'm (very) slowly getting acquainted with the nice places in town, thanks to my nice classmates (just the nice ones... :P).
It's a bit sad though, when I think of the possibility that I might have to leave pretty soon just as I'm getting more acquainted with the place, and most importantly, the people.
I guess it's the same old story all over again.

Anyway, I DID MY LAUNDRY TODAY!!!!
It's quite a risky move considering I'm 3 databases and 3 case studies behind.
(Somehow I can hear my brother's voice from our recent phone conversation: You haven't changed that much, have you?)

Speaking of my brother, he called me long distance this morning, only to find out how to say "Finally" in Mandarin.
I suppose he's making good money to be able to afford such an expensive translation service, huh? And not even a reliable one at that.

Although I was already scouring the saturday's Paper of Hope (a.k.a. Recruit section, which was so terribly disappointing today -- which I suppose should've been obvious before I ran downstairs to get them as most people are still enjoying their holidays), I was still in a blurry mode. It wasn't until much later that I found myself a tad impressed with how I could answer it quite promptly without having to check my dictionary.

This only reminds me of my plan a few months ago: To pick-up where I (was) left in my mandarin lessons next year! I suppose this must go to my new year's resolution then.

Anyway, I've been on and off my emo mode the past week or so, so just ignore me when I start to gripe and whine. And what a perfect song I was listening to (I LUUURRRRVVE this musical so much I promised myself I would go again if it ever comes to town):

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

- Idina Menzel, Wicked-the musical -

Indecent exposure

I'm trying really hard to stay on my program, which means I have to physically drag my butt to the gym three times a week.
As a result, I'm really bugged by this one issue I've always had with ladies in the changing/locker room.

Why the heck do I have to be exposed to all these exhibitionist ladies who walk around in their underwears, or worse, in their bare skin.
I mean I don't care if it's Jessica Alba or Carmen Electra, or if John Mayer thinks it's a wonderland, I don't think it's right for these ladies to force me to put up with this.

So OK.... say they have really hot bodies. Some guys might love it but hey, for all I know, I might just get too traumatized and too self-conscious after the shock to even step out of my door anymore. Can you imagine? What a poor thing... can't even go to work (yea... rite).

Seriously, can't I sue anyone for indecent exposure?
Isn't it illegal for someone to flash his/her private parts in public, non nudity-designated areas? I mean, I for sure did not see a warning-you-are-entering-a-nudist-camp sign at the entrance. So why should I have to put up with all this?

I remember bringing this up to someone a few years back and this friend was trying to reason with me, reminding me that it is a ladies locker/changing room after all. Girls feeling comfortable changing in front of girls... that kinda thing.

However, I don't think some sort of comfort zone from being surrounded by the same gender is the issue here. I think it's simply a matter of courtesy and being considerate towards others.
Just because you feel that the provided cubicles less than 6 metres away are too far, that you'd rather save your energy to torture yourself on the cross-trainer, should not mean that I have to put up with all these boob-flashing (and potentially more).

I'm just a tad upset.

Stop the freakin' train

I have no idea when John Mayer's Continuum was released coz there was quite a long period of time until recently that I wasn't keeping up with the latest pop music.
So I got all excited when I stumbled upon the album while browsing around at the music corner of a local bookstore.

I'm loving it! The whole grown-up John Mayer thing. The lyrics, the music, everything!
I'm not sure how to describe it but somehow the whole album can really "cool" me down. It's now a current staple when I drive.
2.5 days and still going....

So scared of gettin' older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
to find a way to say that
life has just begun
- Stop the Train (John Mayer) -

Wet laundry

My roomie was complaining about doing laundry, and I couldn't help but smile reading her blog, coz I remember that she was the "better" one in this area when we used to share an apartment.
All I can say is, as much as I'm impressed at how she's turned the other way around, I am afraid I can quite confidently say that I still outdo her record.

Anyway, those who really know me would know that I am the biggest fan of cool, super gloomy, overcast days. Simply for the cool air and nothing else.
It never crossed my mind that I would one day beg for the sun to show up (at least just a bit), but surprisingly it has happened today.
The reason?

What else but the freakin' laundry?
My gosh! What do I have to do to get my freakin' underwears dry?????!?!
OK, I know I'm gonna regret posting this since I really don't feel comfortable talking about underwears and all (in public)... but what can I say? It does get to you a bit when, after like a whole 7-day week of non-stop rain, none of your "intimate apparel" can hang to dry, ok??!??!?

I really miss the 24-hr laundry room in my old apartment, but then again, I guess it won't solve the problem since I have definitely learned my lesson that some stuff are just not machine-washable.Period.

Ona side note, you know there's a mismatch between your actual and "musical" age, when you can't get Justin Timberlake's My Love out of your head. And to make things worse, you can't even stop yourself from sitting in a daze in front of the TV whenever you accidentally see the video on MTV while flipping channels.
I'm doomed!!! DOOMED, I tell ya!

OH WHAT A DAY!!!

Yipadeedoodah! Zipadeedoodah!
What a beautiful, overcast day today!

The results are out and I cleared them all! Both my classes that is.... And I actually did quite ok!
Much better than I thought. What makes me even happier is the fact that my buddy, Mr. Bunny, my most dependeable and loyal partner-in-crime also got the same results as me!

So the heck with those people who claim that the only reason I can get a good grade is because of the work I'm supposed to be doing for the lecturer.
It's our sweat, tears and blood, ok? We busted our ass off doing our group projects.
(You're right, Mr. Bunny.... what do they know? And why should I care what they think? .... Well, I did kinda care a bit... but now, the heck with'em!)

Gosh..... I'm so happy!
At least my nightmare didn't come true. I've officially seen the last of my school days.... !

YIPEE!!!!

Going back to my delusional mode:

Suddenly in between the panadol - colds I've been chugging for this damn flu that won't go away, something crossed my mind:

Is it possible that there has always been that one image at the back of my mind all along?
Could it be the reason why nothing else seems to be right?
Have this delusional state of mind has been going on for most of the past decade?

If that's the case, then boy,... am I screwed up!

Then again, I can always blame this holidays' blues.New year's resolution: To bounce back from this delusional mode.

(de·lu·sion·al)

From wikipedia:

A delusion is commonly defined as a false belief, and is used in everyday language to describe a belief that is either false, fanciful or derived from deception. In psychiatry, the definition is necessarily more precise and implies that the belief is pathological (the result of an illness or illness process).

Couldn't think of any better word to describe what's going on in my head right now.

A lightbulb moment

Out of nowhere, this afternoon, a lightbulb just lit up in my head.
So now aside from the tons of things on my wish-to-do list that I haven't achieved,
a new item has just popped up.

......
*drumroll*
......

I wish to write a book.

I don't mean that I want to be a published author of any sort. I think I am already close to maxing out on the amount of rejection I can handle.
Just a book. A very short one will do.
It doesn't matter if it turns out crappy. Or sappy. Or cheesy. Or ridiculous.
It doesn't matter if it's all nonsensical nonsense.
It doesn't matter if I'm the only person to read it. Ever.

I remember cooking up stories in my head as a kid. I remember starting something but then throwing it away as I was dead sure that my mom would scold me as she would definitely have seen it as a waste of time, when I should have been studying instead.
I remember a good friend in high school suggesting that I should try writing scripts for TV or something, simply because of the crazy plots in the nightmares and silly dreams that I shared with her.

I don't know what got into me this afternoon.
Maybe it's just my brain suggesting an idea to fill this void.

lol

Yup.
To write a book.
Rephrase that:
To write a book that nobody reads.
Somehow this sounds better to me. It reminds me of this particular dancer turned singer turned actress turned mrs. movie director. If she can do it, why can't I?

If my mom had a wishlist for Christmas, or New Year's, or even her next birthday (which is almost a year away), I suspect I know one potentially major item on the top of the list.
Unfortunately, as much as I try to be a good daughter, there's very little I can do to help her get this wish. This despite the fact that I could literally see the picture of it in front of me.

What can I say, ... life just doesn't work out that way. You can't always (or in my case, you simply don't) get what you want.

On the bright side, I did clear up the misunderstanding before I left... well at least on my end.
At least now I know my mom's not that nutty after all (to be putting me in such an embarassing spot), though now she's pressuring me to clarify with the other end that the message did not come from her.
Honestly I really just want to get it over with, but I really don't know how to do it without making it seems like such a big deal.

It's raining.... projects

Today is almost surreal. My final FINAL.
I know I must have experienced this feeling before, considering I have completed other degree programs before but somehow it feels a bit more intense now.
Maybe it's just been an intense 1.5 year but then again maybe it's just me getting older and less able to handle it mentally as the previous times.

Honestly though, if not for the fact that my "boss" has just showered me with additional projects , I think I would have gone ahead with the idea that crossed my mind this afternoon: french classes/mandarin classes/photography classes. Anything that will make sure at least I get to talk and interact with people.
(I suspect my roomie will want to whack my head and tell me to snap out of it when she sees this.)

Anyway I suppose decision time is stretched to Chinese New Year now.
I hope I find something by then coz otherwise it's "Adios, amigos!" for me.

I hope it wasn't a bad sign that this morning the staff at this particular embassy kept asking me when the passport-size photo I submitted was taken.
I hope they weren't trying to tell me that I have aged so much in just a few months.

I stumbled upon this....., and I'm so loving it!
It's just so darn hilarious!

An accidentally cool movie

"Remember son.... the word triumpsh starts with "try" and ends with "umph"
"Umph...umph...umph..."
- Memphis & Young Mumble, Happy Feet (2006)-

I didn't go with much expectation, but ended up loving the movie. It is definitely accidentally cool to me. I think I haven't laughed that much at the movies for a really long time (but then again, I haven't been to the movies that much lately).
The choice of the songs in the supposedly "spontaneous" singing scenes was just hilarious.... Robin Williams' performance is brilliant (as usual.... though sometimes I feel sorry for the guys as I believe he's gotten so deep into each and every single roles he's played that he just goes around collecting all these personas and as a result... a little bit "wacky", if I might say). Anwyay,I didn't know Brittany Murphy could sing??!?
I wish I could have a stuffed Little Mumble... SO CUTE!!!!

After the show, Suzie and I talked about not eating fish. But how is that even remotely possible at all?
I LURRRVE FISH!!! And actually, I'm quite dependent on fish right now.

Lucky people

Earlier this evening, while driving home from my yoga class, I had to stop at a traffic light.
There was a couple there, waiting for their turn to cross the street after their evening walk around the reservoir, I assume. When it was their turn to cross, I could see how the husband was carefully leading the pregnant wife, with his arms around her as both of them slowly walked across.

I must say... not everybody in this world is as lucky as they are.
I hope they know that.

Is there such a thing as school-project withdrawal syndrome?

A historical day

A very important day in the history of mankind.

I submitted my last paper today. It was a 68-page group paper that I whacked down from 80-something pages.

After about 40 sleepless hours and a drive to campus and library (where I made a significant "contribution" to the library's fund), I came home and sat in a daze.

Ran into another international student from the new batch at the library, who innocently commented: You haven't been getting enough sleep, have you?

You got that right, man!
(And why the hell am I still sitting in front of the computer right now?)

I know I've also said it before but I really, really mean it this time :
I've really had enough with schools.That's it. This is as far as it goes.

On the top of my shopping list right now: hylexin.

Romancing Singapore?

From Friday's edition of the Business Times - 17 Nov 2006 :

SINGAPORE - Singapore loves the dating game.

The government is so keen for its citizens to marry and procreate that it is setting aside $600,000 (US$384,250) to help fund private matchmaking agencies as part of a new move to reverse the island-state's falling birth rate.
...
Singapore is worried about its declining birth rate. Earlier this year, the Department of Statistics reported that the birth rate had fallen for the 28th consecutive year below the 'replacement rate' needed to maintain the population. The fertility rate had fallen to a record low of 1.24 children per female.
In a speech marking National Day in August, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong urged married couples to have more children, and outlined a plan to encourage immigration as part of efforts to increase Singapore's population.
The new matchmaking plan follows other government efforts such as 'Romancing Singapore', a 2004 campaign that involved tips on meeting partners, heart-shaped pizzas and the launch of a perfume carrying the campaign name. The government also offers financial incentives to encourage larger families.
A recent Social Development Unit survey revealed that 90 per cent of 1,000 singles interviewed hoped to get married, and 72 per cent wanted more opportunities to meet possible partners.
The survey said Singapore's singles had spent $29 million so far this year on dating-related expenses, including dining, traditional or computer matchmaking, speed dating and personal ads. -- AP

I know it is a critical issue for Singapore's survival, but somehow I still find myself quite amazed by how hands-on the government is.
I guess one of Mariah Carey's earliest songs "Love takes time" is definitely not something they want to hear right now.

The last class, but not the last supper (I hope)

I had my last lecture in the program this evening.

It's so weird. I can't believe it's really the end.
I'm so gonna miss seeing everybody in class. As I was telling some of the guys earlier, I won't really have anyone to talk to now.
It's a bit sad.
(What can I say... I've always been the sentimental type)

I don't care. Must plan for a good time to celebrate once we're done with the exams.
And I'll definitely try my best to keep in touch with this crowd!

It's not that easy to get so many nice friends all at one go at this age.
I mean, gone are the school days where you have friends to just "chill" and hang out with.

I must say, if I had to name the most important thing I gained from this program, ...
it's gotta be getting to know this lovely bunch of people.

Different personalities, different styles, but at the end of the day, we all became friends.
And I really, really like that.
Wish I could turn back time.... NOT.

I'll keep the friends, but not the torturous program.

Getting compliment for the work you've done feels GREAT!

It's that time of the year again....for me to start coming up with items for the never-to-be-actualized New Year's Resolutions!
Gosh... I have so many items to include on the list.

Sweatie-pie

After 4 weeks of absence from my yoga class, I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed the torture.
The really nice 3-musketeer ladies in the class (including the awesome 57-yr old auntie) were all asking why I didn't show up.
They're really nice though.

Anyway, I know this is silly but I don't care. I'm so proud of myself for doing a semi shoulder stand. I managed to push my knees close to my chest (I think I just took a really deep breath and threw my legs up) and somehow miraculously managed to straighten them up and held them up for maybe about 20 seconds.

It might be nothing for others but it means a lot to me to be able to do that.
At least that's an improvement coz I really couldn't do it last time I tried it, which was probably about 6 weeks ago, although I thought I remember being able to do it when I was in PE class back in secondary school.

Anyway, the only disappointment this time was that I could not manage to throw my legs back up after I dropped them. So I guess that was as far as I could go for now.

I have made up my mind. Will ask my trainer to help me learn how to do a proper shoulder stand.

Seriously, although I had heard about it like a zillion times, I never realized how good working out can make you feel, despite the feeling like you're gonna die over and over again during the process.

All this just makes me wonder if I had somehow picked up sports while growing up, whether or not I would still have any of my current issues.

Anyway, it's never too late to start, right?

Thanks for the (no) help, Madam!

This actually happened about 2 weeks ago. Grandpa had forgotten about his keys and left them stuck on the door coming home from one of his smoking breaks downstairs. Nothing special I suppose considering his age.
However, some assholes were more than happy to snatch those dangling keys from our door.
Luckily, it was a Sunday. Everybody was home when Grandpa suddenly realized he didn't have his keys with him. My uncle went out to get some replacement locks and everything was under control within 2 hours.

(This is the wonderful thing with the guys in my family.... the older ones at least. They're always so hands-on. For example, my dad has always been the 24-hr electrician/plumber/car mechanic. He's definitely THE HANDYMAN in the family. My late paternal grandpa was also like that. He could fix anything you can think of... refrigerator, TV, video, battery-powered mini cars, bicycles, generators, ..... anything other than computer, of course, considering he was way into his retirement age by the time computers are all over the place)

Anyway, back to the lost keys.
So things were cool for the rest of the weekend and Monday. Come Tuesday morning, though, it was a different story.

Around 11 am, somebody rung the door bell, while I was stuck in my room working on my project.
I went out of my room and quietly tiptoed to take a peek at who it was -- a habit that I have somehow developed after my 4 years in Chicago. No, it wasn't because I was avoiding debt collectors or anything like that. By now I can't really remember why and how I developed the habit, but I'm positive there was one particular event that triggered it.

Anyway it was 2 guys that I saw through the peeking hole (whatever you call it).
I don't know that many people in this city and I most definitely don't recognize those 2 faces. I also know that my aunt, who owns the flat, does not have visitors that often either, other than relatives.
Instead of opening the door, I quietly slipped back to my room and grabbed my digital camera. I turned the thing on as I tiptoed back out.

By the time I got back to the door, I could hear them trying to use the keys.

Now this is when I made the biggest mistake. I got so excited at the idea of catching potential burglars that I lost my cool. Forgetting that I had a camera on my left hand, I opened the main door (I was really high, I tell ya'.... what an adrenalin rush) and startled the guy (the other one was standing further away by the elevators) when I asked him what he was doing. The startled guy who by then had his back turned towards me did not reply. I raised my volume and repeated my question.

He turned back to face me, and replied: " Oh no... we're selling VCDs..."
As I said, I got too excited and lost my cool, as I instantaneously replied:" Yeah... rite....."

It was then and there, at that split second, that he saw I had a camera on my left hand.
He ran like a sissy and I could hear his buddy following him.

I had to grab my keys and struggle a bit to open the outer grille door (Was still not used to the new locks). Instead of taking the stairs which were right by the flat, those two sissies ran towards the corridor on the other side of the block. Obviously they were very familiar with the place as most people usually don't realize that there is an additional staircase on the other end of the block. Even my aunt didn't realize that there was a staircase there....

Anyway, I tried to chase those two, but by the time I managed to open the door and ran to that corridor, they were way ahead of me.

I was actually pretty ok afterwards. Just some silly kids, I thought...
I didn't think much of this until later on when some of my friends insisted that I should go to the police to report this. Just to be save, they said...

One thing led to another, and these friends of mine definitely managed to freak me out.
So, I thought, oh what the heck... just go and get it over with.

So the following night, my aunt and I went to police station to report this.

I must say, I was really impressed at how the police lady officer couldn't even properly feign a concerned look on her face.

For starters, I learned that there was nothing that the police can do since those two guys did not manage to get in. So, I couldn't report it as attempted break-in. I suppose I should have let them in instead.

I also noticed that the lady officer did not even bother asking me what the guys looked like until way, way in the end,after she repeated for like the hundredth time that there was nothing they could do. I think the two officers at the two different counters where I had to report and re-report myself (within less than 50 metres) might have spent more time taking down my particulars. Anyway by the time she asked, I really did not see what the point was in her doing so, especially since she only scribbled my description on a piece of scratch note on her desk, despite having some fancy looking monitor in front of her showing some fancy looking screen, and a keyboard right at her fingertips. By now I wonder if the screen was really working.

The highlight of the day, though... or should I say the highlight of the evening, was when she asked me which block the address was (again, this was not until way, way, WAY later, which is interesting). Her response to our answer was, "Yeah... there really is nothing much we can do. Your neighborhood, ... you're at Txxxx Gxxxxxx Rd right? Yeah... there are a lot of questionable characters there,especially block xx to xx (she named a range of numbers that included our block".

Then it was all the yadayadayada about protecting ourselves, adding extra locks, calling the emergency number if we see any suspicious character loitering around, etc.

Anyway, what really impressed me though was her inability as a police officer to at least comfort me or at the very least create the illusion of a sense of security.
I mean, there I was a resident who's concerned about the safety of me and my family members, and what she decided to do was basically to tell me that we're not living in the right neighborhood and that there's nothing they could do?
I mean, if it is such an unsafe neighborhood, shouldn't they be patroling the area more often then? I mean, apart from 2 incidents involving reports of a small fire, I have never seen any police officer patroling around here.

I suppose the campaign that they used to run "Low crime doesn't mean no crime" couldn't have been more appropriate.
I just wish there were more that they could offer as public servants in instilling the public sense of security.

Another Quantum Leap moment

My gosh...
The other day I was listening to the radio and somehow they played Jay Chou's Hui dao guo qu.

Slam!
Another Quantum Leap moment for me.
Suddenly I was back in my apartment at 1030 Dearborn.
The second floor apartment without heat but with a really nice window looking out.
I remember listening to this song a lot those days.

Undescribable feeling.

me & me

I know I'm exaggerating, but I feel like I'm exploding and I have to get it out of my chest.So, here it goes:

I don't think I've ever been this anxious before.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS THING!
I'VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING ELSE MORE THAN THIS!
...
(pause & breathe)
...

"Oh yes, you certainly have." my brain replied.
"In fact, I think I can come up with at least a dozen more things you're wishing for right now..."

"Oh yeah hor....."

(sigh)

(go back to my long overdue projects)

Good and bad news

Bad news: Think the haze is killing me. at only psi around 59, I already feel like I'm suffocating. It also comes with nausea and headache. I blame my trip to kiwiland for spoiling me with the damn fresh air.

Good news: The almighty machine says I actually lost fat and gained only muscle the past 2 weeks.

Bad news: I think there's something really wrong with machine.

Good news: I will be done with my last exam by Dec 4th!

Bad news: I have 2 group projects due in the next few days. And they're all major stuff :(

Good news: I think I've reached a point where I couldn't care less. I just want to be done with the whole thing.

Bad news: My wisdom tooth is giving me a hellish time right now.

Good news: I think I have adequately supplied myself with painkillers from back home.

So in conclusion.... everything's under control.
(yanking my hair out while typing this)

Post-whirlwind

The past two weeks has been a whirlwind. I don't even know where to start.
I don't think I've ever felt this exhausted before.

After running around the Sydney airport to catch our connecting flight, after a serious delay in our first flight from Auckland, I made it back to this hazeland late Thursday night.
As much as I tried to catch up and cook up a decent presentation, the exhaustion and distraction was taking its toll, I think. So I failed. My Friday presentation was really bad.... I'm really disappointed in myself.

It's only a freaking 15% of your grade. Don't worry about it. You have tons of other things to worry about.
I try to convince myself.

Anyway, don't have much time to mope around. I must catch up on the other 2 group projects.
Now those are really major stuff if I really want to graduate this year.

I came home after a group meeting on Saturday feeling a bit giddy. Took one panadol extra and some diluted honey (hope that really works), and found myself totally out for .. 10 HOURS?
I haven't had that much sleep since....since......
I can't remember.

When you wake up one day and find that the butterflies-in-your-stomach is gone,
(No, it's got nothing to do with our digestive system....)
and you don't even know exactly when and where you lost it.
You just sat there and felt the butterflies slowly dissapear.
Nothing you could do coz it was just a feeling in your stomach. There was no butterfly to catch.
It is a bit sad, but as usual, who has time to mourn the departure of a feeling in one's stomach?
So you sit down, take a deep breath, pat yourself on the shoulder and stand back up again.
Life goes on ...

Coincidence?

What an interesting coincidence involving these 4 figures....
Can't help but wonder if I should buy 4D..... but I don't know how it works and I sure the heck don't like the idea of queueing up in such a long line for it.
If only they had an online system......with tutorials.

Wonder why I never noticed how "anglo" is just a breath away from"ang-moh"...

Silly me...

Boy was I wrong or what....

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I wanted to deal with more "concrete" things than rows and rows of numbers,
only to find myself getting cross-eyed from staring at up to 22,000 rows of data at one point in time.

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I would be free from annoying crappy databases that sound all great in concept until you need them to work properly and respond promptly),
only to find myself stuck with another one with even more issues to deal with.... so much so that I have to hold my breath and keep my toes crossed while doing a single click on my mouse.

(For God's sake, can't everyone learn from google? Capacity! CAPACITY!For God's sake please make sure your server's adequate before you start charging thousand and thousands of dollars will ya? Silly me forgot that I was fighting for access with people from the other side of the world)

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I want to be closer to my family,
only to find myself drifting even further apart.

Silly me left my previous job thinking that I will be able to spend more time and attention on my dearest family,
only to find myself having neither the time nor the patience to pay enough attention to them.

Silly me didn't have a clue...

What is it with doctors?

Somewhere along our usual late night rants on MSN, Gin-man started complaining about being surrounded by doctors.
He's the mutant, really...

Anyway,why is it that
doctors marry doctors then raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise doctors who marry doctors and raise even MORE doctors?

I mean, I'm thinking at one point or another, these people are gonna end up related to each other, aren't they?
Where do you draw the line before it's considered an incestuous relationship then?

Well, but then again, maybe with the story of Adam & Eve.... I guess we're all on the same boat here....

Nevermind, let's not get started...

Breathe again....

It's been a rather quiet weekend.
The weather was actually quite nice this evening. Just when I thought I would never see the end of the horrible hazy days we've been stuck with the past few days, suddenly I woke up from my nap this afternoon to find that everything was clear. No sign of the nasty haze anywhere to be found.
I could even see people strolling by the reservoir , trying to make the best use of the nice weather while we still have it, I suppose. And tonight, I could clearly see all the lights from across the reservoir, including the blinking lights from the 3 towers.
What a nice feeling.... just to be able to open your windows and breathe normally.
Something that we tend to take for granted, I suppose.....

The sky is falling on my head...

I've been feeling claustrophobic the past few days.
At first I thought it was just my room. Then I went outside, and it wasn't any better.
It's the haze, I think.
I'm not sure why.... I've dealt with fog and haze before.
I told Mr. Bunny that I feel like the sky is falling on me.
I feel like I'm suffocating... or wait a minute.... I AM suffocating.
There's no need to open your windows unless you want to get a taste of the fresh haze. Occasionally, you can really smell it.

I'm just glad my niece is not here right now. I bet her allergies will give her a really hard time.

Chien-Ming Wang, jia you!

I've just learned today that ladies' level of body fat is influenced by their periods.
Interesting..... I think I must have dozed off in high school biology when they discussed this.

My latest crush

I don't understant a lot about US politics. I just know that I'm not crazy about their current president AT ALL. I was a huge Clinton (the Mr) fan years back before the whole Lewinsky scandal. I kinda' respect Clinton (the Mrs) since she just seems like she could kick ass, though I've heard some negative opinions about her. I mean I'm sure nobody's perfect but who cares, I think she would make one heck of a leader, and I would really like to see her as the first female president of USA, so Clinton can be.... the first mister? I dunno....
(Now do you see what a fun and interesting time it would be to have her hold that position? I personally think if France's Segolene Royal wins the election, US would be so passe if they don't have Hillary up the next round. The devil wears Prada will then have to be based in Paris rather than NYC.)

Anyway, I started to like Gore since that day he showed his sense of humour by guest-starring in SNL. I like people who have the ability to occasionally not take themselves too seriously and maybe make fun of themselves once in a while. Simply because I've found that people of this type of personality are usually not as uptight and arrogant as others might be.

Now, I think I'm really close to having a crush on Gore.
All because of this short footage I caught on TV of this documentary
An Inconvenient Truth of Al Gore's crusade to save the world.

Why?

One. The movie, or maybe I should say just the short footage of it scared the shit out of me. So much so that I felt like buying a submarine or a house up in the mountains (not anywhere near any volcanoes though .... now if only I could afford it). Well, ok... so maybe this is not the first time the thought has crossed my mind. Some other Hollywood productions have did it to me before, but this is when my second reason comes in to the picture.

Two. I really find it inspirational to see how some people just don't bury themselves under any failure they have to face along their ways. There was one footage of Gore introducing himself,"Hi. I'm Al Gore. I used to be the next president of the USA". Going back to what I said about people with a sense of humour, I love that intro. So what if he didn't make it as the president of the U.S.A.......?? Big deal!!!He's moved on to do a more important mission:
To save the world!

Gosh, I think I really have a crush on him now.
^_^

I'm a bit sad that the (ex)Japanese PM Koizumi had to leave.
I'm not familiar with any of his policies, or anything like that.
Honestly haven't been doing a good job in keeping up with international news.

I just somehow feel that he's a fairly decent guy.
Maybe it's the funky hairdo.

Yea... come to think of it, I think it's the funky hairdo. I'm still not sure whether that's natural or permed.

It's either that or the repeated footage of him ballroom-dancing with Richard Gere. YUP! I think that's what did it to me.

Happy butterflies

I had a little "chat" session with one of my best friends, Bule, last night.
For some reasons, she seems to think I have the ability to decipher dreams, as she has this habit of asking me to do it for her, and this has been going on forever.

Anyway, we ended up talking about dreams.
Not just any dreams, but those that gave you this particular happy butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. Those happy dreams that really make you feel reluctant to wake up to the harsh reality.

It's been a while, I must say....

Unbreak my heart

I spoke to one of my YA-YA sisters on Tuesday.
It's been a while since we last had our catch-up session.
I was in a "mixed" mood but leaning towards a rather good mood. Unfortunately, she was on the opposite extreme, trying to bury herself in work to temporarily forget about her problem, it seems.

It really broke my heart to hear her story.
It's crazy what the heart can make you do despite what the mind tells you.

Sometimes I find it amazing the number of heart-breaking stories I have heard from people around me. So much so that at one point I really suspected that I brought bad "qi" to my friends. A friend even once suggested that I could probably write a book compiling all these drama, or maybe even work for a korean production house.

Up to this point, I think I've kinda' decided that my bad "qi" can't be that powerful as to have an impact on so many people. Therefore, my final conclusion is that the problem lies with people. These humans.... tsk..tsk..tsk...
(Oops.... I guess I've kinda' overlooked the fact that I'm one of them too :P)

I framed myself

Yesterday, my trainer said that he didn't realize that I kinda have "small bones", i.e. small-framed.
"You've gotta be kidding me...," I said, " I don't get associated with the word small ... EVER."
He said that was based on his observation on my wrist size.
Well,... I thought then that it was acceptable given that one tend to experience some kind of optical illusion when comparing a large item to another humongously larger item.

Just out of curiosity, I checked online, and guess what....
I'm a MEDIUM-framed!
Hey, I'll take anything other than LARGE (and any combination involving this word), anytime anyday...

When you think too much....

I'm listening to Jay Chou's new album, and I'm actually loving it.
Some of the songs are really quite nice. I really like 千里之外 despite my aunt's comment that the older singer (Fei Yu Qing) is a way better singer than Jay Chou. 听妈妈的话, which I think is supposed to be some kind of conversation to Jay's younger self (based on my limited knowledge of mandarin )is also a really nice song to listen to. I also like 红模仿 simply coz I think some elements added to the song reflect the guy's sense of humour. Out of the 3 music videos I've seen for this album, the one with a cute Chinese boy vampire and the spoof of the Ring's Sadako was the one I like the best.

Sometimes I think the world is just so not fair....
While people like Jay Chou and 方文山 are just drowning in their talents,
while my classmates who are new moms lose weight as easy as they breathe,
while some are lucky enough to be doing their dream jobs,
while others make money as they open their eyes in the morning, ....

Better not get started, I guess....
I mean, I know for a fact that everyone has his or her own set of problems, as what I usually advise any of my friends who's feeling down and starting to look at others with a dash of jealousy.

My mom also told me something that my grandma used to tell her:
人比人，气死人

Well, this is what happens when you think too much, I suppose.
Something that I somehow ended up discussing with a friend the other day.

So, better stop fretting and pull yourself together, girl!
Every day is a bonus, so ......... THANKS, GOD!

I love fast people

I love small offices. I love efficient, and most importantly friendly, staff at a particular embassy in town.
Less than half an hour to get approval? God Bless them!
(Can't believe how I spent such a longer time (weeks, actually) to straighten things out with ppl back home)

All governments should learn from this particular office and get rid of those typically nasty,lengthy and unnecessary procedures.

I know that it's just how life is but being manipulated sucks. Big time.

Poker vs. Cucumber

Sometimes I really wish I could be more composed.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't get fired up the way I do when it gets to something I really care about.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't get over-excited the way I do when it gets to something I really like.
Sometimes I wish I were cool as a cucumber.
Sometimes I wish I were a poker champion, with the poker face, poker voice and all.

My roomie tried to convince me that I'd be just fine without a poker face.
I must say, I think a poker face and voice would come in really handy though.
Some kind of protective shield..... for me and for the people around me (e.g. my current team mates).

Well, anyway I've decided to forget about poker face and poker voice.
I have a new item for my (extremely long) new year's resolution list :
TO BE COOL AS A CUCUMBER

Somehow, it never crossed my mind before to list it in my previous new year's resolutions.

I'm listening to this Madeline Peyroux CD that I just got on my way home from my group meeting. For some reason, the songs somehow just send me back to my second apartment in Chicago.

It was a teeny weeny studio on the third floor of the south wing of a vintage building. There were 2 large windows with a crappy view of the parking lot and the alley behind the church next to the building. I saw my first snow flakes through those windows. I kept track of this particular tree's changing colours my first fall there. My very first experience of cooking for my friends was there. So was my very first experience of almost killing myself (and probably others, too) and causing a fire in the whole building (on a separate occasion). I had my first (and hopefully the last) visit from the cops following a complaint from some grumpy old lady neighbour, when my friends and I had too much of a good time when I had some of them over for dinner.

Oh, now I remember why the CD did this to me.
I think my ex-boss's hubby was playing her songs when my ex-boss had a farewell party for me at her home.
It just brings back memories of good times in the past.

Over a chat this evening with some of my classmates, I've just remembered this one particular thing I wanted to complain about traffic back home.

No, it's not the traffic jam.
I've accepted the fact that it is what it is. I doubt that there will be any significant change within the next 20 years or so, considering how things are done back there.

What I found most annoying from my driving experience during this most recent 4-day stay was the pedestrians.
God, they're annoying!!!!

I could not and still can not fathom what is so fun about jaywalking that all of them, and I mean all... well, ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but seriously a lot of them do, either have a cheeky grin or a really wide smile when they jaywalk.
On one occasion on the road leading to the toll-way, with tons of vehicles running in high speed, I even encountered a bunch of giggly ladies (who were definitely not in their teens) chuckling and laughing, holding hands while dashing across the street. What made it even more annoying was how they deliberately completely slow down, while still giggling, and strutted along once you slow down to let them cross.

Speechless...

I mean, I'm not a saint. I definitely jaywalk, too. BUT there is a huge difference: I happen to take jaywalking as a dead-serious activity, ok? I only do that either when the traffic is in a complete stand still, or when I know that I won't be in the way of the incoming vehicles which are usually quite a distance away. OH well, I know this is quite a relative measure which can be debated, but at the very least, I never, never, NEVER giggle when I jaywalk.As I said before,it's a dead-serious activity to me.

I think we should have a heavier fine for giggling jaywalkers. I think they're insulting the serious jaywalkers like me.

A nice compliment ... and a few more

There's this really nice middle-aged couple in one of my yoga class. Unfortunately they're dropping the class since they are not able to keep up with the rest of the class.
Today was the last classs, so I stopped to talk to them in the hallway, just so I could kinda' say good-bye to them.

He confirmed they won't be coming next week.
"We can't do most of the stuff.....," he smiled, before adding, "But you......you're doing really well, though."
I couldn't help but gave an awkward smile. Not sure what to say as I think he was just trying to be nice.
"No... seriously! I mean, despite your size....." he added again with a smile.

Hahahaha....
I thought then at that minute that he must have meant what he said.

Thanks for making my day, Uncle!

I love the compliments I've been getting the past few days.

An acquaintance said my face was "thinner". My sis-in-law liked my hair. My aunt said my butt is ever-so-slightly smaller. Eeyore said I looked kinda' cute driving my sis-in-law's Pooh-invested Honda Jazz... (What can I say.... I don't hear the word cute being associated with me that often, even when it's in a joking manner such as in this case. So, I happily took note of this historical event).

One hectic week-end

I just came back from the lovely Miss M's wedding reception. It was really sweet of Miss M to invite my parents but they had another reception to attend, so my brother and sis-in-law went with me. It was a good thing they did as I only knew very few people there (sigh..... I guess one of the downside of being single is not having any readily available friend to go to functions like this), but anyway it was definitely worth the trip back here just to see Miss M - Pak W, Girbo, Samantha, Yuli and ...... Lenny! I haven't seen the chirpy gal since 2004, I believe.....
Gosh... it just reminds me of all the pork talk....

Anyway, I didn't know I was going to have such a tight schedule here trying to juggle everyone and everything during my 3D/3N stay here.
I have been here less than 36 hours but I felt like I've done tons of stuff and met tons of people.

Mom picked me up at the airport yesterday and we made a stop at my aunt's place to drop off some stuff for the 2-Qis. My Dad's youngest sis was going to return to Canada this morning, so my Dad wanted us to have a proper sending off, with a family dinner. So, after a quick nap at home, I had to drive Didi, Mom and me to the restaurant, where we met (some of) the rest of the clan. We had a really good time,especially with after-dinner entertainment by my niece and nephew, which reminded me of the "shows" my brother and I used to put together for the family when we were young. We reached home around 8.30 and some of my younger cousins stayed over here for the nite. The boys played PS2 with my brother while the girls and I (plus my youngest aunt) had a girl talk session. Then Dude picked me up at 11.30. We picked up Eeyore at his home and Dude dragged both of us to NuChina in Kemang. I wasn't crazy about the music they were playing that night but Dude had said that nowadays she only had the two of us to go clubbing with, so I tried to bear with it for a while. By 2 am though, I was bored stiff.
We finally left at 2.30 am and by then Eeyore was starving, so we headed down to the nearby McD.

It was almost 4 am by the time I got home to find the kids (except for Marilyn) strewn all over the place and the couch. I had to start shifting everyone to the room, waking one at a time and making sure each of those sleep-walking kids gets a corner to stretch and sleep in the air-conditioned room. 2 girls and 2 boys later, I was out..... only to be disturbed less than 4 hours later by the chat going on over breakfast in the dining room.

Within the following 14 hours or so, I managed to:
-Tagged along with my sis-in-law to send the girls home so one of them can make it in time to her boyfriend's volleyball match (Gosh... I still remember the days when I had to bathe and feed her as a toddler, and now dating.... I feel so old now!!!).
- Met my sis-in-law's mom and his brother Ben at his new shop (Interestingly, Ben was wearing the t-shirt I gave him a few years ago)
- Picked up some softwares for myself at the nextdoor shop
- Had a (useless) facial to help calm my (still) breaking-out skin condition
- Went for a catok session at a neighbourhood hair salon that I will never step my foot in again in the future
- Attended Miss M's reception and met some of the Dearborn(+) gank.

I guess Grandma was right. I shouldn't have bothered bringing my materials here.
There are already things lined up for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

I just wish I could get some good night's sleep to let my skin recover.
Oh yea... and for all of these not have any impact on my program.

Dream on....

I'm hooked on this particular HK TV series. It's actually something within the line of Grey's Anatomy. Not as sad and intense as ER.

Sometimes the brain gives you the wrong signal....... and you'd think that there's something, when the reality is there's nothing there.

A rough idea of what I can remember and interpret from a character in the show, who's a doctor making a comment about her own life, by referring to one of her patient's complains of pain from a recently amputated limb.

Distorted messages. Misinterpreted messages.

(Speechless)

Better go and pack now. It's less than 10 hours before my flight and I have not even started packing. Yea... I'm a true blue procrastinator. What can I say?
Mom took my 2, cabin and medium-size, suitcases.... so I (think I) have an excuse to get a new one :P

Just bought myself a pretty little khaki 4-wheeler. YAY!I love 4-wheelers.
Guess where I bought it??...
MUSTAFA, of course! Hahahaha... where else can you shop at 1 am in the morning?
Finally... no more lugging and dragging things around like a rickshaw-man!
Unbelievable... I'm actually packing my yoga mat. Hahahaha.... I betcha my family's gonna have such a good time poking fun at me.
I'm only doin it as I've learned my lesson after my experience last week. Didn't do anything at all for several days and I actually felt quite uncomfortable. Some kind of weird soreness going on.
Coming from me....., I find this testimony amazing. ^_^

Thursday nite at school

Had a wacky time at school this evening.

The Prof who pronounced "Rolex" like "Durex.
The same prof who listed massage as one of the "local demand".
Mr Kuah who sms-ed me begging to be killed (Luckily I didn't really get the sms in time as I silenced my phone..... I might have found the request too tempting to reject).
Uncle who managed to catch a quick nap while sitting upright with a very peaceful , zen-like look on his face.
Ms. Eye who thought that I said I was dating when I told her I was driving.

If not for the above, the lecture was seriously dangerously boring. So much so that I managed to fall asleep.... twice!
Both while still not giving up on trying to scribble down the prof's comments on my lecture notes.
Great.
Can't wait to see what I wrote as the impact of globalization on urban growth in low-income countries.

I went shopping today in my attempt to try to find a decent dress for this Sunday. Anyway, I must say it was a rather frustrating experience, for obvious reasons...
So, I will be doing a second sweeping at Orchard tomorrow, after picking up my tickets and of course after completing my 1.5 hr of torture. If nothing else is available in the market, I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go with this one.
I seriously have no idea what I'm doing. I hope I won't appear in any magazine's list of Don'ts.
Keeping my fingers crossed.....

To be or might be

This is yet another question that's been bugging me (occassionally) for the past few years.

I've noticed for quite a while now that I seem to navigate myself with a back-up plan to fall back on at all time. Well,... at least most of the time.
I'm not sure when this habit started, but it's definitely been going on since I was much younger.

There's always this statement going on in my head:
If this doesn't work out, I'll go and do that instead.
If I don't get accepted here, I'll still have that school to go to.
If I can't find a job in this field, I'll try to go for that field.
If I can't stay here, then I'll go there instead.

Maybe it's due to my mom's influence on me. I guess one can say that I was fully trained in worst case scenarios by her. Among other things, to be prepared for the worst seems to be one of the critical points she's instilled on me since a young age.

But now I wonder if having all these back-up plans is actually a distraction in my effort to achieve whatever goals I might have. I wonder if my ex-boss was correct when she told me that I had the persistence that some people didn't. You see, I know some people who are very adamant about what they want. It's always a case of "to be or not to be" and not "to be or might be" for them.
I think this helps them to be very persistent and more consistent in what they do.

I must say, it's a really tough habit to change though. I don't think I'll be able to get a good night's sleep without any plan-B.

Can't wait till December...

I feel bad.
I wish I could spend more time with my gramps...
but with all the classes, the projects, the assignments from "my boss", the errands I have to run for my "real boss", and the training sessions, I really have very little time to spare.

To make things worse, I've always been a nite owl.
I have a clearer mind at night, thus I'm more efficient and effective working during night time.
My gramps, on the other hand, can barely stay up past 8.30 pm.
By the time, I get up in the morning, they've left with my aunt to her shop.
I'll probably see them for about an hour or two nowadays. And that's only when I don't have anything going on in the evening.

I'm really afraid I'm turning into the cousin who I resent the most for his lack of attention for our gramps. It's a long story, but in short I feel that he's not fulfiling his duty as the only "official" grandson, while enjoying all the benefits my gramps provide for him.

I keep telling myself that things will be better once I'm done with school in December. That I will be able to spend more time with my family, especially my parents and my gramps.... oh and also the two trouble-makers back home, aka. my niece and nephew. I really, really hope I'm not lying to myself.

I can't wait till December.

Getting to know the devil

Just came back from a totally chick-flick session with HB at Bugis earlier tonight.
We went to see the Devil wears Prada, as both of us had been really looking forward to catch it.
And I'm totally smitten by the movie!!

I love everything about it. I love it. I love it. I love it!I LOVE IT!
I loved Meryl Streep's performance. It took me a while to finally remember that she's Meryl Streep and not Cruella De Vil and now I think it will be another few years before I can see her not as Miranda Priestly.

I really like how the character Andy Sachs doesn't believe in quitting despite all the pressures that she gets. And, of course.....the outfits!!!!!!!!!!
Anne Hathaway looks so cute, sweet, gorgeous and cool at the same time that I think both HB and I were almost hypnotized (Bravo, Pat Field!)

After the movie, HB and I were laughing about the idea of reliving the days of the girly bangs which we haven't had , at least in Anne's full-blown scale, since primary school. However, although I'm seriously curious to relive the experience, I think I know much better than to actually go and do it.

No, I'm not ready to jump in this case.

Anyway, I can't seem to get one line from the movie out of my head, and I really hope that one day in the future, I can look back and at the very least tell myself that

(I) must've done somethin' rite....

Confession of a dangerous stomach

Geez.....
I'm gonna pay dearly for what I did this evening. Out of all the things in the world, I went to a buffet!!!!!
And this is when I'm supposed to be on a very strict diet per orders from my trainer.

And what's even worse....., I really enjoyed the food aside from the company. ...
I seriously wonder if Gin-man and Mr. Bunny are the devil in disguise.

Well, nothing I can do now except to pray really hard and keep my fingers crossed that this one-time buffet won't do too terrible a damage on my program.

Mayday. Mayday.

Critical case of carb withdrawal identified.

(Wish I knew what kind of assistance to request in this case)

Grumpy old girl

So many things are going on right now I seriously wish I had a clone.
The number of people I have to deal with (including myself), the number of requests and concerns to address, the number of phone calls to make....
O sh*t, I think I forgot to make one phone call.

Anyway, it's getting almost ridiculous considering the continuous comments within the line of "This shouldn't be a problem for you.You have all the time in the world .... since you're a full time student now."

Multiply this comment by the number of people that you know, and....
VOILA!
You're in trouble.

I'm just a bit worried that I might snap the next time anyone makes the above comment in front of me.
So far, I've managed to do with a sigh or just by rolling my eyes.... but please do excuse me if I somehow snap the next time I hear those words.
Don't say I didn't warn you now.....

The yapping fake Cap

I'm really quite befuddled by what I see from the married couples around me......

Why is it that married couples don't "talk" to each other? And by "talk" of course I am not referring to something within the line of the yapping that I do all the time to my friends. By "talk" I mean serious communication. It doesn't even have to be a serious topic, but why can't they just talk to each other?

I mean, if they could manage to talk to each other on the phone and bog the phone all day, if they could whisper seriously silly things to each other like there's no tomorrow, if they could do all that while they were dating or seeing each other, then why can't they communicate with each other once they're married?
I just don't get it.

Is it because they're so sick of each other that there's nothing they feel like discussing with their spouses anymore? I sure hope not.

I used to naively think that the reason married couples don't need to talk so much to each other was because they know each other so well that there was no need to say the words.
I know now that I either watched too many chick flicks or listened to too many cheesy songs. So, as a penalty, there will be no more Ronan Keating's When you say nothing at all for me.

Well, ... not until the next time I start singing along like a crazy girl when I hear this on the radio

Seriously, ... I hope if -- and that's a big IF--, IF God's finally nice enough to let me be in the same position one day, I pray that I will not do it the same way.

This just reminds me of what an old friend from high school said once. She told me that given my kungfu, I'd have to find a really, seriously quiet person who can bear with all my yapping. I thought it was silly then, but now I'm not so sure especially considering how I've gotten from good to EXCELLENT in my yapping skills. Then, a few years later, someone else told me that his first impression of me was: "Boy, ....is this girl talkative or what!!!?!?

Despite their comments, though, the same two people used to make me talk to them for hours. When I tried to cut down on phone bills, they would call me instead and insisted that I talk to them... about anything at all.
It's quite silly now that I think of it.

Anyway, I found this from an old acquaintance's posting on friendster's bulletin board:

Capricorn, the tenth Sign of the Zodiac, is all abouthard work. Those born under this Sign are morethan happy to put in a full day at the office,realizing that it will likely take a lot of those daysto get to the top. That's no problem, sinceCapricorns are both ambitious and determined:they will get there. Life is one big project for these folks, and they adapt to this by adopting a businesslike approach to most everything they do.Capricorns are practical as well, taking things onestep at a time and being as realistic and pragmaticas possible. The Capricorn-born are extremelydedicated to their goals, almost to the point ofstubbornness. Boy, those victories sure smellsweet, though, and that thought alone will keep Capricorns going.

If this is true, I should seriously try to re-check my date of birth.

Not a very good Saturday

I decided to wake up a bit early today just to make sure that I can get my hands on the Saturday edition of the paper, or to be precise, the Recruit section of the paper.
As HB once said, Saturday is the day of hope.

Anyway, another reason why I decided to do it is that I wanted to get at the uncle who ran the mom-n-pop shop downstairs. Not that he's mean or annoying or anything. He's the cheerful, kinda' goofy, happy-go-lucky type that always makes fun of me when I run downstairs and try to get the newspapers. He used to say "good morning" to me when I do, even when it was already 1 pm. Occassionally, I would get the very last copy that he has, and he would say: " Very lucky today, hor?"

So there I was, grinning happily as I grabbed my copy of the paper and walked to his "counter" to pay for it. He wasn't there though, he was busy arranging some stuff in another corner of the tiny shop. That's when I noticed the shop looked a bit more spacious. Some stuff were missing.
I asked him about it and that's when he told me ," You're gonna see less and less in the next few days."

I thought it was one of his silly jokes again, so I smiled and waited for his punch line.

"Seriously, I'm folding up the business. Someone's gonna take over next month."

This is coming from a guy who told me and my aunt that he doesn't mind losing money every month for the past few years, just so he has something to do to keep his mind occupied.

I thought that business was really bad now, but he told me that he wants to spend time with his wife who has just been told that the breast cancer she had 2 years ago is back.
At this stage, he and his wife were told that any therapy is basically only to try to slow down the cancer from spreading anywhere else.

"Nothing I can do" he said.
"I must take care of her...... must take her to see "the world" now...."

I was speechless.
The thought of my grandpa crossed my mind.
But there's no point in mentioning that story to him now.
He seems to be dealing with it much better than I did in a relatively similar position.

There was a brief silence as we looked at each other.
I was afraid that if I stayed any longer in the shop I would start to cry.
A deep breath and sigh later, I said a weak good-bye and left. I wish I could give him a hug or tell him to hang in there, but I didn't know the chinese word for it.

The other day, when I dropped by his shop to get a top-up card for my phone, I ended up looking at some of the old pictures he had from back in 1968. He was happily telling me how pulau Ubin used to be so much fun back then. Another day, he was proudly "introducing" me to the pictures of his grandchildren that he proudly displays on the shelf behind his counter. And yet another day, I met one of his grandsons in the shop, sitting contentedly on a tiny stool in one corner, happily munching on some snacks that I suppose he raided from his grandpa's shop.

I'm sure gonna miss seeing him around....

Can I have some cartilage, please?

Chocomania,

I think I'm out of cartilage. Could you please help me order some?
Thanks,

Dr.S

To this day, I can't help but smile when I remember this email I got when I was still working in my previous office.

I just remember this as I was complaining to Mr. Bunny about using up almost a whole 500-sheet packet of paper and a fresh set of cartridge just to keep up with printing for school work and the part-time stint I have now.

In local style (i.e. Gin-man and Mr. Bunny's style) : So "fierce" ah?

At this moment, I seriously wish I could curse like Captain Haddock in Tintin.
But I suppose I shouldn't. I can't either.
Seriously, why is it so hard to convince people that I know what I'm doing?

Darn it, what I did just now is gonna cost me so much .....

Weekend log

Yesterday was another "full" day for me.

I had to get up early to settle my tuition fees at school. Some idiot hit my front bumper at the parking lot and I only found out when I got back from the StudentServices.
I was so darn pissed off..... Still am actually....
Can't help but feel like cursing the coward cum idiot.
(On hindsight, I find it interesting how in sharing this story with my friends, I simply assume that it was a male driver. )

Anyway, I didn't have much time to sit around and investigate (as suggested by Bow later on), as I still had to run to my very first kick fit appointment
Yup, smelly gloves and all (The trainer is helping me buy a new pair. YAY!Red gloves and wraps! I bet everyone in my family will have something to say about this...)
The session was really impressive though.... 500 g in 1 hour??!?!?
Especially since I spent most of the time panting and gasping for air.

After a quick nap at home, which I think I fully deserve since I haven't been getting enough sleep and everybody says I look tired, it was off to campus for my class.

After the full 3-hour lecture, HB and I dropped off the guys at various spots and then we went back to Brauhaus for a girl power talk session.
It was really fun though the place was unusually crowded last night.
Apparently, HB and I seem to share a lot in common.

As for today, this evening was my very first encounter with snails as a dish on the dining table....
Yaiks.... Talk about color, texture and taste, it was definitely an interesting experience.
I was quite nervous at first, but since everybody else seemed to enjoy it a lot, I didn't wanna be a party pooper.
Remembering the song from the classic "Three Little Pigs" video that my brother and I used to watch: "Who's afraid of the big bad (snail)?" I thought.
So off I went sucking from the end of the snails that my grandma carefully mutilated earlier in the afternoon. Grandpa was watching me the whole time and gave me a pointer or two about the proper way to suck a snail out of its shell. My uncle was telling me about how people used to order snails in buckets back in his hometown.
Not sure that is something I think I'll be doing any time soon, though....
Not really crazy about it...

Anyway, now it's just chillin' time for me.
Just bought 3 cds for myself on Thursday when I picked up the textbooks for Mr. Bunny and Uncle: Soler's Intuition concert VCD (so I can just stare at the gorgeous twins), Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams (just in case he has other songs as nice as his Better Together) and a compilation album titled Nat King Cole @ the Movies. I know these are kinda old, but who cares, since they're so cheap. Anyay, the first two I kinda "used up" the past two days and now, it's Nat's time....

I must say, he truly deserves to have King as his middle name.

My previous life

I've always believed in reincarnation, ever since I was a little kid.
I guess I can blame it on my parents for introducing me to Buddhism (though not properly and thoroughly) , or I can blame it on myself for watching too many Hong Kong movies and TV series growing up.

There's one thing I couldn't seem to straighten out in my understanding of the concept, though.
The question has been bothering me ever since I learned how humans have multiplied significantly from the days of Adam and Eve.
(I'm so screwed up, I know..... Well, this is what you get from sending a kid to a Catholic school and feeding him/her Buddhism at home. )

But anyway, so if everyone of us has gone through several rounds of reincarnation before, I couldn't explain to myself how the world's population just keeps growing and growing.
"Where did all these newbies come from?", I thought.
Especially when you take out those who have reached nirvana.... aren't they supposed to stop reincarnating then?
(Again, I told you I don't have the whole picture of Buddhism.... I know there must be some serious glitches in my interpretation of it. )

One day I found the answer:
I learned at school about the extinction of tons of species and how there used to be dinosaurs just chillin' and eating up each other. Though there were also nice dinosaurs that were vegetarians.

Then I remembered something they taught us in my Buddhist Sunday class:
If you do good things and create good karma, you'll lead a better life in your next one, one step closer to nirvana. On the contrary, if you do bad things, you make bad karma, and you might end up as an animal in your next life.
(well, this wasn't the teacher's exact words... but it was my interpretation as a 6-year old kid).

I remember asking my mom if that meant I'd turn into a cockroach if I did bad things.
" Uh huh.... ", my mom said without even looking at me.
I remember for quite a while after that, I couldn't help but stare at my brother's dog and goldfish, wondering what they had done in their previous lifes.

Anyway, so the whole puzzle was solved with the help of my science teacher.

Now I know what I was in my previous life(s)!!!

I must have been a really, really NICE dinosaur.

A visit to the Oracle

No, I'm definitely not Neo, or even Trinity for that matters. It was a different type of oracle.
A different type of story, and this one was slightly more straight-forward in his explanation than the Matrix's.

I know to some it sounds like such an "auntie" thing to do, but out of curiosity, I went with my aunt and grandma anyway.
It was a favor that my aunt had promised to do for my other aunt.
(This is what you get for being in a huge and closely-knit extended family)

While we're at it, I thought I might as well see what he sees in the future for me.
Most of the stuff he (or He) said was quite relieving, but I still can't figure out this one particular comment that he made. My aunt and I have different interpretation of this comment.

I think my interpretation made more sense than hers though...

^_^

My aunt and I did agree on one thing: How amateur we were compared to the others who were there. I guess it's perfectly understandable considering this was the first time we've done this.
Seriously, people just seem to have so many questions in their mind. Each one of them needed at least a good 10 minutes.... but it took both of us less than 10 minutes in total, I believe.
Lesson learnt: Need to practice on scenario analysis with hypothetical questions (What if I do this instead of that? What if.... What if....?) along with sensitivity analysis of each alternative.
^_^

Anyway, I just wanted to make note of his comment for future reference. We'll see how things turns out.

And no, I am not looking for an Adam-Sandler's Universal remote control. I'm iust keeping my fingers crossed. Will just hope for the best.

More addictions

Just came back from Mustafa Centre again.
By now, I'm seriously really close to being convinced that for the first time ever in my life, I'm using shopping as an excuse to go out for a drive.
I actually had to try really hard to convince myself that I really, really do need a new mat.

Geez... now not only am I a chocoholic, a shopaholic, ....
in a way I've also turned into a mustafa-holic!

Well, ....that and a steering-wheel-aholic.

Midnite Click

I'm glad I went to see Click with Suzie.

I picked her up at her place and went for a tour around her flat that she shares with her sister (and mom). I'm so envious of her..... I can't wait till the day I have my own place.
It was also really nice to see her mom again after so many years, especially to see how well she's doing after going through so much a few years ago.
It is amazing what love and care can do to a person, the right kind of love, that is.......

We had a little problem finding parking, but we got there just in time for the movie.
Even during the first few minutes of it, I kind of choked up a bit at the sight of Bed Bath and Beyond.
It's silly, I know....

Anyway the movie is just what I expected from Adam Sandler.
His typical heart-warming-end movie with hilarious bits and snide comments here and there.... and I loved it.
Mostly because it has just reminded me of the main reason why I decided to come back.

I was thinking about this on the way home at 1.30 in the morning, noticing how I seem to have slowly somehow forgotten about it as I have to deal with other pressures that crept into the picture.

Anyway, I got home to some noise and light from the kitchen, and later found out that it was my grandpa having his midnite crackers.
His hearing is so poor nowadays he didn't even hear me come in and was a bit surprised to see me walk by. He casually asked if I wanted some and I decided to just grab a stalk of celery and sit there at the table with him.

We just sat there and did not say much to each other except for when I started by asking him whether those were the "good" crackers that he mentioned last week. I've heard and witnessed how Grandpa's memory has been deteriorating a lot. Despite knowing that it's not gonna help, I've been trying to initiate small talks with him as much as possible just to get him to talk and response to questions.

This just reminds me of my roti-prata supper sessions with my late paternal grandpa.
Sure do miss him a lot...

I've just realized I haven't been talking to my parents that much lately. A while ago, Mom complained that I used to call them up more when I was in US. Well, what can I say, Mom... I was earning my living then... I'll try to do better,though.

Note to Adam Sandler: I don't think a universal remote control is the way to go.
Should've talked to the korean cloning expert instead.

(Recap: Multiplicity starring Michael Keaton, ...I think.... Anyway I don't remember much about this movie.)

"Family comes first!" - Click(2006)

After-class outing

After class tonight, I went with the other two musketeers (Gin-man and Mr. Bunny) , the Daimsel-in-(di)stress a.k.a. HB (just kidding, HB..... ) and 2 other guest stars to the second Third Coast again.

The crooning singer was still there tonight, singing his heart out while nobody's listening.
Kinda' reminds me of Phoebe's stints at the Central Perk.
(Smelly Cat... Smelly Cat.......... Little Black Curly Hair... How did you end up there?.....
Hahahaha.... she's hilarious! Anyway, I think Phoebe had way more appreciative people listening than this guy does.)
This time I also saw an auntie sitting at the table right by the door. We smiled at each other as I walked pass by her to the restroom.
Couldn't figure out what she was doing there coz she looked so out of place.
Come to think of it, I hope I wasn't seeing things.... It is the "seventh month" after all.

The two musketeers played pool and Mr. Bunny tried to teach me how to aim (in vain).
We just hung out and chatted.
It was really nice and relaxing. Too bad not everyone could join us tonight.
Mommy1 who's turned into one hot momma misses her baby at home, Uncle wasn't up for it, and Mr. Vain had an "appointment".

Anyway, it just hit me:
Boy, ... I'm sure gonna miss everyone really bad ......
Wonder if I could stay somehow...
But what am I saying here? This coming from someone who said this is a boring and suffocating place with a terrible education system and terrible working culture?
I must be under a lot of stress.... Think I'm seeing, hearing and thinking things.
Hahaha....

Then another hit:
I cried my heart out last year, also for the same reason.

What can I say, I have always been really bad in letting go.
I wish I could just put everyone in my pocket and have them with me everywhere I go, so I don't have to bother missing anyone anymore.

Maybe I should contact the Wicked Witch of the West.

Skipped gym today. Had problem walking after some leg stretches and warrior pose on Wednesday. As he passed by a few times, the instructor kept telling me to push more and get out of my comfort zone. Didn't know I would be completely out of it the next day. Anyway, wonder if 2 x 1.5 hr of practise would be enough as penalty for skipping gym. Anyway, I bet I would be so dead when I start the kick-fit training next week.

By the way, I just realized I live on the West side of the island......
Heck!
Don't tell me.... I AM the Wicked Witch of the West?

Just not my day

This is a really bad day.

First of all, I'm kinda' upset that I haven't lost any weight since my training started.
I know all the talk about building muscles that are heavier than fat... but I can't help but feel disappointed.
Note to self: Must hang in there!

Then on the way home, I think I got caught when I "didn't realize I was going slightly beyond the speed limit" on the expressway.

Then it was home to find out what a scheming, scamming organization a reputable education institution can be.
All the intransparencies. All the so-called behind-the-scenes politics.
I hate it when people try to camouflage the truth.
I think I would've been less upset if they had been more honest in handling the issue.

I know Uncle's right. At the end of the day, it boils down to business.
Make money.
The heck with people.

I was so pissed off earlier I was ready to just pack up and leave.

Wait a minute... is this the sign I was looking for?
Hahaha....

Neah..... I have to learn how to be cool as a cucumber.
Now is there any schoool in this world that offers a graduate degree in this subject?
I suspect they might have something like this in Tibet....

I must have been a gypsi in my previous life. Either that or a Mongolian nomad.
Wait a minute... guess I'd better confirm first whether or not they really have nomads in Mongolia.

At the bookstore yesterday, while waiting in this tremendously long line, I overheard a discussion among some freshmen behind me( or at least I believe they are freshmen.... well, undergrads for sure).
I was really amazed to hear one of the girls said (in their giggly girly voice):
"Huuh?? Work in Japan ah? I don't want leh.... I don't wanna work overseas. I wanna stay here in *blip*. "

"Don't be a 井底蛙"
That's what a cab driver once fiercely said to me.
Note to him: Dearest uncle cabbie, maybe you should talk to that girl .... Straighten her out instead of me.

Signs.
I'm looking for signs.
Any sign at all....

It's silly, I know.
Superstitious? I don't think so.... I believe everything happens for a reason.

I'm waiting to see where the wind will take me next.

It's so weird....
I was really tortured at the gym today by this senior PT, but I found myself actually enjoying the torture, despite almost fainting when I was doing the weight training.

Seriously should've gone for the senior trainer instead.

On shuffle mode, my ipod decided to play me Frank Sinatra's My Kind of Town.

sigh....

I found my second Third Coast

I went with HB and Uncle to see one of the fireworks at the Espalanade on Tuesday.
The fireworks was ok but the crowd wasn't....
I guess I might be getting slightly too old for all the brouhaha.
I had to try very hard not to start scolding these youngsters for cutting line, sneaking in to get a better view in the front.
Well, that plus I think I'm a bit traumatized getting stared at by a traffic police when I decided to join some people who were jaywalking.

Anyway, Mr Playboy Bunny joined us with his gf after the fireworks, and we all headed to Novena Square to meet up with Mr Gin and his lady.
We went to this place that supposed to be a German food / beer place.
But interestingly, they had Fried pork knuckle bee hoon in their menu!
My gosh... Didn't know Germans are also into te-kar-bee-hoon....
Hahaha....

The place is really NICE though. Very relaxed, cozy ambience. Food was good. Beer was better. They had some fruity beer which tastes so much better than the regular beer.
I'll definitely go back there one of these days. The ambience of the place kinda' reminds me a bit of Third Coast in Chicago. Well, minus the singer that nobody listens to despite his effort to sing his heart out.

Sometime after midnite, we left the place. I had to follow the Gin man's lead to PIE coz I had no idea where I was.
5 minutes away from home, I changed direction and headed to Mustafa Centre instead.
What a waste of gas,.... I know.
Novena - PIE - Clementi - AYE - ECP - Mustafa?
Geez....

But I LOVED it though....
Well, night time is my favorite time of the day in the first place.
So midnite walks, midnite grocery shopping, midnite drives.... you name it and I love it. Well, except for midnite gotta-have-this-done-by-tomorrow kinda' thing.
Everything seems so much more peaceful in the wee hours of the night.

I slowed down a bit on the Esplanade bridge (whatever its real name is).... and managed to stole a glance, or rather a few of them, of the downtown skyline.
It was really nice.

By the way, I really think every city should have their own Mustafa Centere. Seriously.....

I think the place is amazing.

Branded watches. MP3 player. NIKE. CF card. Luggages. Yoga bricks. Clothings.Stationery. Toiletries. Cellphones. Groceries. Souvenirs. Home applicances. Toys. Digital cameras.
Open for 24-hours everyday (Best part).

My buddy, Mr. Playboy Bunny said that I'm just a LOST girl.
Not to be mistaken for the TV series, he meant that I'm literally lost.
He said I have a lot of mixed feelings.

He couldn't have been more right on, I suppose.

Gosh,..... I hope it's not that obvious to others.
(Hahaha... who are you kidding here?)

Start counting down to my (hopefully) final 16 weeks of torture.
Keeping my eyes focused on December.

In so much pain now... It even hurts just to reach out to turn on the lights.
Have no idea what to do tomorrow. Will go to the gym anyway.... Must stick with it (keep repeating to self).

I've never realized how hard it can be to edit someone else's writing when you're afraid you might start turning the thing upside-down and inside-out. I've edited quite a few project reports for some of my classes before but I've never had such a hard time.

A repenting couch potato ???

Today couldn't have been more extreme.
I went for my very first personal training ever this morning. Spent a good 2hrs at the gym (mostly in the ladies changing room, though... hahaha). I keep on reminding my PT that I don't want to end up like Arnold. Especially since he mentioned that my test showed no liquid retention and aside from the obvious sinful fat, I have quite a significant muscle mass.

Geez..... I seriously feel like the Terminator (in progress) now....
(Practising my hasta la visa, baby now....)

Anyway, after doing my laundry this afternoon, I had to go to my Yoga class earlier this evening where the instructor seemed to have his mind set on trying to reach the 30% drop-out rate he was bragging about in the first week. So, another 1.5 hr of sweating and gasping for Oxygen....
(Inhaaaaale....... Exhaaaaale..... Inhale.... Ex...Inhale.... Ex..Inhale.. INHALE. Darn it! Where did all the Oxygen go?)

My bro was nice enough to call up and check on me (i.e. nag about watching my diet and putting in extra effort on the exercise part). Anyway, it's not very often I get a phone call from him with some signs of concern on my well-being, though.
Makes me wonder what new PC games he wants me to get for him next.....

All in all... It was quite a day for a couch potato, I suppose....

Now I'm gonna take a good rest to welcome the awful pain that's gonna hit me later.
On second thought.... I think it's here :(

Listening to Jack Johnson's Better Together and loving it....

Everything is an illusion

Growing up, I used to think that someday...I could be as wise and knowledgeable as the "adults" in my life.
Of course, my Mom had a huge role in this case, with her constantly brain-washing me that as long as I study really hard, I can be anything I want, well almost anything, since she was also the one who told her friends: "This one (i.e. Me) is so useless in Math compared to her brother."
So I guess Math teacher was out from the list then :P

Anyway, so I grew up looking forward to being wise or at least wiser.
I think that was the only upside of aging that I was looking forward to.

Well, judging from the silly things I used to do, I think I have become slightly wiser now.

However, judging from the silly things I still do, I don't see the difference between where I am now and where I was before.

To make things worse, I think that age has taken away the wisdom from the "adults" in my life.
Either that, or they actually have never had it before.

"Everything is an illusion", said David Carradine in Kungfu the Legend.
(This is one of the TV quotes that have been with me for the past 20+ years. Used to stay up late till almost midnite once a week to watch this TV series. God knows I don't like David Carradine. God knows I don't like angmohs interpretation of the Chinese Gongfu, or their interpretation of anything Chinese for that matter. So, only God knows why as a kid I would sacrifice so much for that crappy TV series.)

I guess then maybe wisdom is an illusion, too...

The absent girl

I'm so mad at myself for being so absent-minded.
I missed my Sunday class as I woke up thinking it was Saturday.
When my aunt asked me to go with her for another "cleaning-up" session at Anchorage..., I just went along with her.

No wonder I felt so off... Something was upsetting me but I couldn't pinpoint what it was until grandma asked me about my yoga class.

Darn it.... my 78-yr old grandma has better memory than me.

I hope I can still remember my name when I wake up tomorrow.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

It's do darn annoying...... It was bright and sunny this morning, so I decided to clean some of the windows. Inside out, that is. So I had to stand on a chair and reach out the window to reach some of the spots on the window pane, coz I didn't like the wiper that my aunt had.
It was kinda' scary coz some of the windows do not have any grille, so I was reaching out a window on the 6th floor at times.

At one point while I was standing on the chair and wiping the window panes, someone from a higher floor actually threw a bottle of water out the window. SPLAT!
I thought that was a reminder to me of what would happen to my brain if I had lost my balance.

Anyway, I'm not sure my mom or aunt would've approved the way I did it, but who cares? It's cleaned, ... or so I thought.

Less than 2 hours laters, I was sitting around sorting through some of the trinkets I have... when suddenly out of noswhere the sky became overcast and rain started pouring like nobody's business.

WTH?

All my effort just went down the drain.... :(

I guess that's what happens when you live in the tropics,huh?
(Splat... splat.... splat.... the sound of the huge, or actually gigando raindrops falling on my window now)