"I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got. "
-- Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)--

In the spirit of Christmas

This was floating around in our email server at the office this morning. So in line with the Christmas joy the malls and shopping centres are trying to spread in order to get people to spend, here is the latest Christmas song out there:

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

Sigh.....

On another (brighter) note, I had a really great time today at the gym with this trainer, LT.
I have seen him around and I thought he was quite good.
Actually, I've been wondering if there was anyway I could arrange to get back to my muay thai training under him.
Somehow one thing led to another and I ended up training with him today.
He was really good and I think he managed to push me a bit further. Another few sessions I think I may be more comfortable and hopefully slightly more dynamic.
While it was a one-session kind of thing, I think I will be be talking to him again very soon.
Now let's just hope my knee problem doesnt kick in tomorrow.
So looking forward to learn muay thai again....

Crossing the line

Gramps are back in town today.
One of my uncles had to accompany them for the trip as Grandpa seems to be having some health problem and Grandma couldn't possibly have managed by herself.

It really breaks my heart to see how much more fragile he is since the last time I saw him around my cousin's wedding. Especially since I can't seem to do anything much to help take his pain away.

Seeing him also reminded me of another issue in hand. Something which is actually quite critical, but is now conveniently dragged on by who else but the selfish me, myself and I.

"Uncle" couldn't have been more right....I seem to have crossed that thin line between persistence and stubborness....

The Call

Another missed call on Sunday morning.
Checked the number and returned the call immediately.

Was half awake so didn't bother opening my eyes.
It was close to an hour later before I did, with swollen eyes.

Times like these I sometimes wish I would wake up to find it was all just a dream.

11.11(pm)

That was the time shown in my car (which is actually about 10 mins too fast).
And I made a wish while driving along this bend near Outram.

00.50. That was the time shown on my pc.
And I got (part) of what I wished for.

God is really nice to me : )

Substitution

In this nonsensical nonsense-kind-of-life, can a chocoholic actualy substitute a Snickers bar with Mars?

Do you think the Mars bar will be upset to find out that it is only a mere substitute?
Assuming chocolate bars have feelings, of course....

Anyway, all the chocoholic knows is that there is definitely not any direct substitution around as it just never is quite the same with any other chocolate bars.

So the search continues, for the perfect substitution.

Talk about over-commitment....

Wonder if I'll be overdoing it this coming week:

Monday: Hair-cut @ 6pm, followed by gym @ 9pm
Tuesday: Mamma Mia, the movie, @ 7pm (since I have been advised that learning tennis will be strenuous on my knee now)
Wednesday: Boxing @ 8 pm
Thursday: Steamboat dinner with RCF+ (time TBC)
Friday: Gym @ 9pm
Saturday: Cousin's wedding dinner, followed by Attica

Wonder where I should squeeze in time to clean up my room by Friday, since I have really wasted my weekend....

GIRL POWER!!

I'm in love with 神木與瞳's 為你而活 and 草戒指!!!
Just find Jane Huang's powerful vocal particularly refreshing, especially with the tons of typically soft, girly-girl chinese pop singers out there.
And watching the two kids go through the Taiwanese talent show, they just look like pretty cool kids. The guy, Yuming, is also good and he can be quite funny too....

Another hero in the making

"Chocoholic! What happened to you? How come you're so singlish now???!?!Like this how? I was planning to ask you to be the emcee for my wedding next year since I thought your English was very good...."

This is one of the first few things my buddy, Mr Bunny, told me over the phone when I called him up just the other day. This after we lost contact for a few months.

Gosh....

If you're familiar with the hit TV series, Heroes, you would know what Peter Petrelli can do.
I think I have something comparable or at least somewhere within the line of his power, except that it has become one of my biggest weakness.

I am referring to my ability to "absorb" any accent or twang from people around me and mimic them. I definitely cannot do it at Peter's at-the-touch-your-hand kind of pace, but I think I can be quite good at it.
Within the first year of my stay here, I had already started receiving occassional comments from strangers, new acquaintances or cab drivers, that they thought I was local.
As time goes by, I do realize I'm getting better and better -- or worse and worse, depending on how you look at it.

I think the fact that in my current job I have to communicate with a large number of Singlish-speaking so-called prospects, clients rep or site staff doesn't help. Somehow speaking with the local twang I find closes the gap and any awkwardness. I dunno...

Bloody hell! (There you go... something else I've picked up from the past few months from work)
What the heck is happening to me? I don't want to be singlish, can or not?
It's not that I'm that crazy about the suggested idea to be an emcee at my friend's wedding, as I know for sure that I cannot handle it, but I sure did not spend so many years of learning English just to turn it into Singlish in less than 3 years!!!

So, I have made up my mind.
I will make the conscious effort from today onwards.
27 August 2008 is the first day of ......
"Chocoholic's Proper English Programme"

No, I'm not going to be over ambititious about the whole thing, and I don't intend to lose the ability to somewhat connect better with some of my local friends and colleagues.
My goal is to control, not to eliminate this weakness of mine (or power, as I tend to think on those days I feel HERO-ic).

So, help me God!
I think I'd take Chocoholic Nakamura as opposed to Chocoholic Petrelli, anytime anyday....

--------
I have just remembered that I did try to do something about this when I caught the earliest symptoms of my singlified-english. I went to the British Council and tried to enroll myself (in any class they would let me in). Took the placement test, and guess what? They didn't have any class for me. Out of curiousity, I suppose, the staff asked why I wanted to enroll myself, and I explained my predicament, how I was alarmed at how I seemed to have managed to pick up Singlish way too fast for my own good.

I'm quite sure they would have something for me now, but then again I remember the cost was probably enough to revamp a significant part of my wardrobe.

Hmmm.... (lightbulb moment!!!)

I suppose a cheaper way around this would be to find a native-speaker boyfriend huh?
But then of course, there is another stumbling block: How the hell am I supposed to turn myself into an SPG to catch my own angmoh?

Sigh.....I must say...there doesn't seem to be any easy way out of this dark tunnel at this point in time.

Ladies @ the gym

I'm finding the changing room at the gym to be an increasingly interesting place:

• Lady 1 to lady 2: Aiyoh... that boss of mine is such a bitch lah...everything also I must do.
• Lady 3 to lady 4: My therapist recommended me this exercise *show action*... very helpful leh... can feel much tighter now....you see this? you see?
• Lady 5 on the phone: I've had it.. it's over. He told me " I miss you" and all that, but enough is enough.
• Lady 6: Whose smelly shoes ah?
• Lady 7 lays down on the bench with a piece of towel on her face and did not budge a single inch (and fyi, air circulation is not all that great in this changing room cum shower cum toilet, if u know what I mean....)
• Lady 8 queueing for toilet: Wah so long? What are they doing inside?
• Lady 9, aka cleaning lady, picks up one of the mats from the shower rooom and starts picking up hair strands
• Lady 10 to lady 9: Did you throw away my clothes? I left them on the bench over there....
• Lady 11 to lady 12: Aiyohhh... long time no see!! *pecks exchanged* Where have you been, honey? You look great! Looks like you have lost quite a lot of weight there....
• Lady 13 walks in with with lady 14 after a class: Now that I've paid for my prata, I can go for dinner....Yay!!
• Lady 14 to lady 13: But what about the ice cream you had earlier?

And the list goes on...

Ignorance may not be a bliss....

An American ex-colleague: What?!?!?! Deep-fried butter squid?? I'm not sure I can take that, chocoholic....
Ex-boss: What are you talking about? You love calamari!

Just a funny snippet from my previous life, that came across my mind while looking at a Caucasian mother and son munching on calamari at fish& co yesterday.

Growing Pains?

Nothing is worse than having to watch your loved ones struggling without being able to do anything.
I hate feeling so helpless and small....

Anyway I found myself calling my brother on the phone out of desperation.
I could barely finish asking him if he was already asleep (since it was quite late), when I burst into tears.
(What can I say, I'm the only daughter of a super drama mama)
I knew there was nothing he could do, but I really needed to talk to him.

Somehow, now it just reminds me of my kindergarten and early primary school days.
Back in those days, I used to have problem sleeping at night and I always managed to somehow spook myself with my wandering mind.
Most of the time, the thoughts involved my biggest fear then: Death.
(It still is, I suppose)
I remember crying and climbing up to his bunk bed above mine, and insisted that he wake up and listen to my problem, while I try to squeeze words between my sobbing and sniffing.
I would tell him how I couldn't sleep, how I was worried about our next life, after we die and supposedly go through reincarnation.
I told him how I didn't want to be anyone else's kid. How I wanted to be Mom & Dad's kid, how I wanted to be his sister again.
I think I remember at one point he told me noone can guarantee that.
And I asked him if there was a way I could look everyone up then.
I don't recall any conclusion from the discussion, but I recall he let me sleep beside him coz I was too upset to go back to sleep.

I was once the youngest kid in our English tuition class.
I cried once when an older girl in the class made fun of me.
I don't remember exactly what my brother said to me but he sat next to me while I sobbed away.
(By the way, he didn't want to take the class but my mom forced him to go with me as I was really keen to learn English and I was a bit young compared to the rest of the kids)

My brother was always the (somewhat) rebellious smart kid. I was the (somewhat) obedient average student.
He was the popular kid. I was the fat outcast.
As we grew up, slowly but somewhat surely, one tiny step at a time, I tried my best to get out of his shadow.
I was the typical younger sibling, trying to avoid being referred to as so-and-so's sister.

But I suppose as I grow older, I'm only beginning to learn to appreciate how I can just be someone's kid sister.

Just hope he doesn't see this blog.
His head is big enough as it is. It sort of runs in the family, you see....

I'm officially in love....

Meet my new love:

(Cover needed as he was still a bit camera shy)

Now, side by side with my ex:

When he finally was more comfortable in front of the camera:

















Gosh! I wish I was half as sleek and as slim as my new baby.

But I suppose old flame dies hard. I cannot bear to trade in my ex, one of the rare gifts my brother got for me.
I don't think it'll fetch that much in the market anyway, considering how fast the market moves, so I decided to just keep it for sentimental reason.
Yea.. the sucker me does have an issue with letting go and moving on with life.
The 5-year old Dell notebook I'm using this very second is a living proof of how "stubborn" I can get, when I decided to be. I told myself when I spent my then one month salary on this thing, that I would make sure I squeeze at least 5 years out of this thing.
Guess what? It will be our 5th anniversary in 3 months!!

I suppose most people really don't plan for their divorce..., but what can I say?
I need to make sure at least some parts of my life does move on....


^_^

O well...
suppose I'd better go take a "nap".... only have a few hours till another day starts @ work.
As I was telling a friend earlier: Just gonna take it one blow at a time. One day at a time. One breath at a time.


Sin of the day: Spent over $100 on CDs. Bloody hell! What was I thinking?

ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!

What the heck did they do to Sam Lee ?
What's with the haircut?

Gimme back the scruffy-looking guy, please....
Please... I beg you....

After about 10 days of total chaos, the place is awfully quiet tonight.
After sharing my room with as many as 5 other heads at one point, I now have the room back for myself.
YEAY!!!!!!
.....
*look around*
.....

On second thought, gimme back the 5 heads... ok 4 will do ..... I don't really need my niece & nephew's nanny. And throw in the additional 2 (Dad & Bro) who had to sleep in the living room.

I sure miss the nightly "live" entertainment by the two goofballs, whenever I was home from work.

My Tarot Card of the day

The Wheel of Fortune deals with the unpredictable situations in life. Your path in life takes many detours, often directed by forces and events beyond your control. This card represents change in your life, so be ready for unexpected challenges to come your way. This card usually denotes that good luck is coming your way.

I like this card too.

Sex and the Cities

I don't care what others think. I love Sex and the City - the movie.
Simply because it just reminds me of the fun I have with my girlfriends.
Female support really does wonder, I tell you.

Back home in the new Atlantis-to-be, I had it in bucket loads.
In the windy city, I had roomie and Miss M (wonder if I should count Mr G in? Hahaha).
Now in this tiny blip in the blue planet, I also have Miss Su & HB. Not to mention, the others are just an msn buzz or an sms away.

Wonder what I did in my previous life to deserve this....

Transit point

So.... the offer is finally out there.
Mom and Dad were in town (Mom still is), to attend my cousin's wedding.

With some persuasion from Mom, Dad finally asked me if I'd like to just take it easy and go back home, rather than slaving myself away over here. They both tried to convince me that Dad can easily offer me twice my monthly salary just to go home (only goes to show how little I make now). Basically all I have to do is.... nothing but argue with him every now and then ( more like every day) on his crazy ideas and occassionally irrational business decisions.

My first instinct was: "Finally..... I thought you'd never ask" :P
The next mili-second, I thought to myself that it really was not what I wanted.
And then the next mili-second, I remembered my bro's grey hair. OK, so maybe he was born with one strand but it's gotten really bad the past few years. And then I remember Mom who just told me she hasn't shopped for clothes for the longest time (Hint: Noone to take her shopping back home. While I think she was exaggerating a bit, I think she was just trying to convince me to go back. (P.s. I bought her a top when I decided to venture out to Orchard for a few hours. The 3-hr of wandering around left me dead beat as I am still actually feeling quite weak from this crazy flu).

One final question that popped up in my head though had to do with something I told myself when I left US a few years back.

I had told myself that I needed to be closer to my family. At the end of the day, they are the most important people in my life, more important than myself.
And Singapore was meant to be a transition. Closer but not too close. An extended transit point to allow myself some time to readjust to the culture, and to my family. Like it or not, 4 years total submersion in a totally different culture can change a person quite a lot.

So now the question is, when does this transit end? When is my next flight out?
Or, is there still a flight out to begin with?

my wish list

Things I wish I could do right now (in no particular order or ranking):

• Skydiving
• Tie myself to a bunch of helium balls (like that pastor who went missing a few weeks ago)
• Go to a particular person and ask her,"What the bloody hell have I done to deserve this?"
• Go to the same particular person and ask her, "Don't you think you're just being menopausal here?"
• Find a memory-erasing service (think the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -- I LUUURVE the movie btw)
• Quit my job and go some place where I can bum around and be pathetic (hope roomie's offer is still valid)
• Strike TOTO (perhaps should start by actually buying TOTO?)
• Become my own boss (I promise.... I will be the most supporting boss you can ever imagine. Except when you double-cross me, of course :P)
• Find my "home" (Roomie would know what I'm talking about).
• Find my happiness
• 3-day/3-nite movie marathon, including indiana jones, lord of the ring, etc.
• Pop a magic pill that will stop my niece and nephew from growing up (and having to face life and all the problems in it)
• Quit my job and train full time to lose all my excess weight in 2 months.
• Quit my job and go study mandarin full time, then just teach simple mandarin to innocent children for really good money back home.
• And the list goes on....

Agendas

Everyone has his or her own agenda, and I believe at the end of the day they all do things with the best intentions at heart.

Dad and Mom don't seem to care much what I do and where I do it, as long as I can make good money. They are a bit concerned that I seem to be putting in a lot of effort for very little return. And they would rather I focus on finding someone decent and settling down (Note: Dad seems to have convinced himself since gazillion years ago that as long as I can overcome my weight issue, my prince charming will pop out from thin air.lolz....). Being the wonderful parents that they area, they really actually have been thinking about buying a property here to facilitate my "settling down" process.

Despite her occasional breakthrough moments from her old school thoughts, such as the time when she tried to give me tips on how to pick up guys at the airport check-in counter, Grannie believes I should continue to slog it out at work, as that it's what people do when they start to build their career. She thinks my hometown is a horrid place with no much future and since I have managed to get my permanent residency in this tiny island, she believes it's a good start and Dad should support me by getting me a place for myself. If he can afford to get a bigger place, she can then move in also and "take care" of me (Note: Dad believes that I am Grannie's fave granddaughter, to which I must say I sometimes wonder if there is some truth to this). With this in mind, Grannie has been bugging Dad about buying a unit under my name, not having the slightest clue that the market went through the roof a while back and a crash really is quite unlikely despite the slowdown.

I think Bro finds that I am wasting my time here, slaving myself away for a measly amount as my paycheck. I must say I agree on the latter part, but I'm still undecided about the first. Anyway, he feels that I am in a way just going through my denial phase and that I should just pack up and go home. He doesn't see any future for me in Singapore as he finds the market too small, the latter being something that we have actually somehow discussed and agreed on at a very early stage, when we were still in school. With this in mind, apparently he has been totally opposing the idea of any purchase of property in this island, as he sees this as facilitating my prolonged period of denial. He managed to sway Mom a bit, and she called this morning. After much small talks, she eased in the topic, " Your Bro thinksyou will never come back if we get you a place for your own. That's not true, right?".

I believe I haven't seen enough of the world. I haven't learned enough about this industry I really quite love. Anything involving buildings and developments actually. But then again, I suppose a timeframe and a deadline should be drawn as learning is a never-ending process.
And also, come to think of it, back home is also a part of the "world". And I have also believed in the potential of the place. It's just such a huge market.

And to be honest, I don't think I have made peace with myself. There is still that other reason that's holding me back from going home. Once I can really close that chapter of my life, then maybe it will be an easier call to make.

O well.... think I want to go back to enjoying my long weekend now.

Yay! fish spa therapy and lunch and movie. all in one tomorrow afternoon.

so looking forward to it.....

dumb and dumber, numb and number, low and lower

Some days are ok... and some days you just get by, and there are yet other days where you just feel like digging your own hole and hide.

Some days I really wish I had a magic pill that I can pop to boost my brain power to super power level (especially when work is involved).
Yet some days I wish someone would come and take away all my memories.
And there are other days, when it is those exact memories that give me hope.....

The mind is funny,
and the heart is funnier.
Humans are funny,
and life is even funnier.

Happy Mother's Day, Ma!

I have always wanted to post something about my Mom.
Somehow I just never really got around to do it and suddenly I remembered the other day.

And considering it's Mother's Day today , I suppose the timing couldn't have been any better.



Anyway, I just want to say, I love you, Ma!

You drive me nuts most of the time, but I LOVE YOU!

While I remember as a little girl somehow managing to convince myself that I was really adopted (guess we can probably blame it on those dramas I used to watch), I really cannot imagine what my life would be without you.

Thanks for coming up with such a wacky name for me that I almost always get compliments for such a "unique" name (although now in my current job, the first 20-30 seconds in any of my phone calls with a new contact is always spent on spelling my name).

Thanks for finally deciding to hold me after it took you three days to be convinced that I really was yours and not someone else's switched baby at the hospital (although I'm not sure I quite like the idea that the only reason you were convinced was because you found that I looked as ugly as your mother-in-law, aka. my grandma).

Thanks for all the good food you cooked for us (although I have to blame you for not letting us take our own sweet time to finish our meal as now people comment that I eat way too fast for a girl).

Thanks for lying to me that the thinly-sliced mushroom that I wouldn't have touched was actually "deep-sea fish with no eyes" so that I would eat it, as fish was my fave food.

Thanks for scaring Bro to shit when you lied that I was gonna die from the bubble gum he bought me (which I swallowed accidentally). It really makes a good story to tell any new friends that I make.

(No) thanks for (again) scaring Bro to shit when you tied me up and pretended that you were going to dump me down the trash chute, as again, it's another good story to share with my friends (although I'm still trying to decide whether or not I mind that much that you actually tied me up).

Thanks for scaring both of us to shit when you used to throw us a plastic bag and pretended to kick us out of the house whenever Bro and I had a fight ( although I'm still trying to decide whether or not the traumatic experience really makes a good strategy in a child's upbringing. Nevertheless.. again, it makes another story to share with friends).

Thanks for being the loud, spontaneous person that you are, coz that is what I have seem to become (although must say I'm not sure if it's a good thing despite my enjoying it). Thanks for showing me that it's ok to laugh out loud and that I don't always have to constantly restrain myself.

Thanks for embedding in my mind very early on in my childhood, that if anyone else can do it, there is no reason why I cannot (although that was also part of the reason I went against your wish and insisted on pursuing a degree in architecture).

Thanks for scrimping and saving like mad so we kids can get a comfortable life and don't have to worry about anything.

Thanks for telling me that while you might not be able to provide us with luxury, we didn't have to worry about education as you and Dad will make sure we get the best and that all we had to do was study (although from the way you complained about my having wasted too much time studying, I'm sure you're regretting it now after my master's degrees).

Thanks for teaching me to go for what I want, by telling me to go and ask the teacher myself when I wanted to skip to a higher class in kindergarten. Although it took me a whole week (not to mention the stomachache I had every morning before I stood up and went up to the teacher's desk before class started) and I was on probation for a few weeks, I managed just fine.

Thanks for teaching me that even when a girl finds love and gets married, there is no reason why she has to depend on her husband. Shit happens, you taught me, and you never know when he's going to die or leave you (although I think I'm driving you nuts by further developing this teaching into one in which marriage is not really that big of a deal).

Thanks for not raising me as a tai-tai wannabe (coz I think I would've been so depressed and suicidal as I really don't have what it takes to be one). On hindsight, I wonder if you changed your strategy, realizing that I didn't have what it takes to make it as one.

Thanks (to you and Dad) for giving me a protected childhood -- and adulthood (although I didn't fully realize how sheltered I was until only recently).

Thanks for inspiring me by starting to pick up yahoo-messaging & video conference on 3G phone at your age. Most of my friends also found it impressive.

No thanks to you for your constant nagging at my driving, and for insisting to sit in the back whenever you're in my car (and making me look like a driver), as you yourself hit 130km/hr without any hesitation when you started to drive full-time in the past year or so (while I cringed, pretended to sleep and quietly buckled my seat belt in the back seat).

Thanks for finally breaking that wall you had created for yourself, that took away any of your interest in travelling. Thanks for getting the travel bug and realizing that there is almost no limit for you when you climbed up Huangshan despite the minor limp you have from polio. Now I really look forward to our family trips despite your occassional "war" with Dad, which is almost always guaranteed. Oh and perhaps if you can cut down on souvenir shopping (Seriously, there is no law or requirement that you must get every single employee you have a personal souvenir from each and every single trip you go to. Seriously, it's not illegal to just go and enjoy yourself).

Thanks (to you and Dad) for showing me what giving and generousity is, particularly in one's family. Blood is definitely always thicker than water.

Thanks (to you and Dad) for making me who I am today. I might not have done you much proud, but please do know that I am trying my best. I really am.

Thanks, Mom (and Dad). And as I told Bro before when I couldn't sleep from nightmares as a kid, I want to be your daughter again in my next life, and my next next life, and the next next next life... and forever.

Hope you'll take me again.

I'm waiting for someone to blow up any second now...

Another chicken or egg question

I'm really not sure which one comes first, but I seem to have this pattern going.

I've noticed that my mood always goes down the hill when I don't go to gym.
But then again, I'm thinking I only don't go to gym because I really cannot make it or I'm just having one of those days where sh*tty is middle name.

So, the question is, am I feeling sh*tty now because I'm not working out enough to get that endorphin/adrenaline boost? Or am I not working out enough because I am feeling sh*tty?

End of the day, all I know is.... I'm still feeling sh*tty.

HB commented that this particular note i posted a few days ago looked like a closure entry.
I told her all I can say is I am trying.

Then today I found myself still a bit sad over a silly thing.

As expected I suppose..... think I still have a really long way to go.

It's Sunday sickness, not Monday blues.

When one has problem breathing, accelerated heart beat and nauseaus feeling every Sunday evening, ....... what does it say really?

KEN LEE!!!!!!

My friend, PL, couldn't stop calling for Ken Lee on msn after watching this video.
I'm afraid I won't be able to see her in the same light again after tonite.

And for God's sake, KEN LEE!!! Can't you just please come out, stop hiding and save us all from her?!?!?!?

Simple things in life

Sometimes really it's the simple things in life that make your day.

Had a lot of fun last nite with some ex-classmates.
Catching-up session at the old hang-out with great company, some nice, girly-girl, mango beer and german sausages. A bit self-conscious perhaps of how fast everyone was on their way up, but what else is new?
It's still fun.

We agreed that we'd try to turn this into a quarterly event. Really looking forward to it.

Happy Labor Day

Quite a few people told me that I was not cut out to work for others.
They told me I was too stubborn to work for anyone.
All I can say to them now is: HA HA! YOU OWE ME LUNCH!
Wish they can see the slave that I am now....

To all cheap foreign labors, particularly those in this tiny island, Happy Labor Day!

Note to a jerk that I really care(d) about

To you out there,

That was totally uncalled for, man....

Maybe I am just a tad sensitive today,
maybe it's me who's been in denial of the jerk that you can be,
maybe it's something else, I don't know....

But still, it was totally not cool, man...

The cut is deep enough after the past 12 years or so,
that you really didn't have to take another stab at it.

However crappy you were feeling,
Whatever bad day you were having,
I really didn't deserve it.

However, rest assured that I did get the message, loud and clear.
Rest assured that I am trying my best to move on.
I really am.

As always, I wish you all the happiness in this world.
And I pray and hope that this will be my last note to you,
that whatever you do, it will never get to me.

Please do take good care of yourself.

Cheers.

Pathetic

It's pathetic....
How a pop-up msn message indicating someone's online can lift up my mood.

Think I seriously need a DIY brain-washing machine...
Anyone got any idea where I can score one?

A note to self

Is it just me or does time really flies when you don't plan?

As in.... when you don't even have time to plan.

As in.... when you don't even have time to really breathe.



I have never felt like this before.

Like I'm going through an endless tunnel. And it's not even a blackhole-like tunnel.

At least a black hole is empty.


But I am not a quitter...(unless you want to count the number of times I have quit my jobs), and I don't plan to be one.

I'm trying very hard to hypnotize myself.

I'm going to have the thickest skin of all when I come out of this tunnel.


This is the best training camp for me. I have to come out of this a stronger and better person.

And only when I am one that I can leave.

(note: repeat to self 100 times :P)

go low carb now?

I supposed Dr Atkins' followers are ahead this time around...
With all the concerns about rising price of rice, ... I suppose this is the perfect time to cut down on carb?

^_^

The chariot

I set up my facebook profile to have daily tarot card reading, and I'm loving my card for today:


The Chariot
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.

For a team with originally 18 member strong, to have 4 resignations in 2 months.....

And just to clarify: Team work has not been an issue at all...

So what does it say?

Am I really jumping from one hot soup to another?

A lot has happened the past few weeks, and no.... I'm not referring to the whole brouhaha about the highly coveted contents of Edison Chen's notebook.



Speaking of HK entertainment news, I am quite sad to learn about Lydia Sum's death. I can only hope her daughter gets all the support that she needs... I really quite envy the kind of bond that the two seem to have shared.



Anyway, back to me... as I am an extremely self-adoring biatch :P

So, my resignation was finally approved after two failed attempts -- including one in which she actually implied that I was just going through some sort of a quarter-life crisis ...
While I really don't think that that is what's going on -- and I also don't think the problem is solely on my end (i.e. was really tempted to say: add another quarter and speak for yourself), maybe she's right......., but who cares, right?

I was out.
I was free... yet I was broken-hearted.
The idea that I would not be able to see the few wonderful friends I have made at work really was really devastating.
After all the time we spent together, including all those extra hours at work, they have become another family to me.

I genuinely think I must have done some awesomely good deeds in my previous life (which unfortunately I haven't seem to be able to copy in this life) to be so lucky to have such nice and sweet colleagues.

And before my last day, they even chipped in to get me a hamper with fresh flowers, an assortment of organic goodies which they picked themselves and a really cute stuffed piggy in a pineapple costume as a send-off gift.
It's just is really, really sweet of them.

Anyway, there were some changes after some rather dramatic turn of events.
And instead of a clean exit through the door, I ended up crossing the hallway instead after that last day.

I transferred to another department instead.
I have been getting mixed feedback about this. Most of my darling friends at work, of course have been really supportive, trying to assure me that I will do great over on the other side.
However, there were also others who reacted differently. One interesting comment referred to the other side as "the dark side" and another scolded me just this afternoon (apparently I forgot to inform her, as I was under the assumption that the others would've told her already), asking me if I was crazy to jump from one hot soup to another.

Sigh....

On hindsight, I wonder if my decision to take some advance leave before I start is really a good idea.
The more I think about the challenges I will have to face, the more nervous and doubtful I get, wondering whether or not I will be able to survive.

Anyway, I have reached the point of no return.
I keep tellling myself "There's no looking back now, girl! Just gotta take a deep breath and jump... just like you have done before. Shit will happen you will fumble around and stumble, but u just have to take another deep one, smile, and get up again".

Easier said than done...... (I think the human mind is really strong and weak at the same time).

But it's ok....I will jump. I will do it.
No other way to find out the outcome, right?

So, .....Bring it on!

All I can say is,
I think if this thing works out, I'm gonna be in for one heck of a ride at work.

confession

OK, I suppose it's confession time.

Once in a while, I do need to retreat to some tear-jerking dramas.
While previously I never really fessed up to this, even to myself.
I accidentally did when I was chatting with a colleage online just now, recommending this one particular show that touched on AIDS and underprivileged families.

PL says:my life already very sad,
PL says:still ask me watch sad movies
chocoholic says:no lah... u cry over ur own life sounds pathetic mah
chocoholic says:then u find a gd movie and bawl ur eyes out
chocoholic says:that's what i do
chocoholic says:then i have an excuse to cry lor
PL: ahhah

Sigh..... so that's what's been going on. I didn't really realize that before.

the big three-o part deux

I had one of my best birthdays ever yesterday.

Phonecalls, emails and messages: Mom & Dad, sis-in-law (bro usually forgets), aunt, friends, roomie & bf, more friends.

Also, one obstacle down, though I know this one is just the tip of the iceberg).

And I had a really great lunch with my buddies at work. All 13 of them (one couldn't make it because of other appointment).
They're really one of the blessings in my life. Sometimes I still can't believe how lucky I am to have gotten a chance to be in such a tight and fun bunch of people.
There's always ups and downs, but I think we're really great together.
I really wish I had the power to keep us all together.
I can almost see us "conquering" the world. lol...
It is just one heck of an interesting mix of people at the table: My wacky dancing queen sister who does an excellent teresa teng and idolizes inul daratista (lol), a goddess of death who's addicted to caffeine, a king with interesting collection of "wifes, ex-wifes and mistresses", a chinese little star with his occassional teaching of chinese proverbs, a devout christian who's into bon jovi, a cat lover who doesn't really eat meat that much, a super neat super mom of two boys, an organic lifestyle poster girl, a chio super mom of two pretty little girls, an eating machine sociologist, a funky economist, a sexy puss in boots, a prim and proper lady, and me, the lucky nonsensical chocoholic.

The whole gank chipped in, either as major or minor shareholder, buying me lunch as well as birthday present. My wacky dancing queen sister who was the appointed shopper bought me the gorgeous tube dress that I had been eyeing before during one retail therapy session with her.

They beat me in my own game, and I couldn't pay for the lunch. All I could do was treat them a slice of cake.
I really wish I could give them more than that.

I got so sad that I couldn't help it. I cried a bit.
My buddy the king told me I caught them by surprise and they didn't know what to do when I did.

Sorry, peeps! But I was really sad lor... you guys are making it so much harder....

Anyway, after surviving lunch, I went to pick up yet another cake for dinner. I insisted to do that as it was my uncle Charlie's b'day too.

So we had steamboat cum bbq dinner at my aunt's flat. There's this unoccupied space next to her corner flat that has become somewhat her private "yard". Perfect spot for bbq dinner, especially with the breezy nite.

Then it was another round of chocolate fudge cake from raffles hotel's ah teng bakery, after which I felt like fainting afterwards from over-stuffing myself.

Then I came home to a taiwanese tv show that claimed basically that capricorns will have a good year this year.

What a great day.....

I don't really remember feeling so loved and so lucky before in my life.

So far, the big three-o has been good to me, and I hope it will stay this way.

the big three-o

So here I am....
half an hour past midnite.
Well, technically since I was born at noon, it's not really the big three-o till another 12 hours or so...
(hmmm... now contemplating posting this at noon instead)

oh what the heck....
How I spent my first half an hour in the big three-o?
Chatting with one of my sistas from my windy-city era, Miss M, who proudly displayed the ultra-scan image of her baby daughter.
I just find moms amazing, and I know she's gonna be one amazing supermom.
Way to go, Miss M!
(She attacked me online with what looked like Jolie's lips :P..... which just reminds me of her version of Shiloh :P)

Also chatted with a colleague, who I once spent hours chatting with.
With the kind of shit we had to deal with, just didnt really have time to chat recently.
And that all changed yesterday when my resignation was finalized after 2 failed attempts previously.

I must say, I have been one blessed little brat to have such doting parents (though it took me a while to figure it out) and family, to have met and befriended such wonderful and unbelievably sweet people as I have, and to just have such a wonderful, albeit holey and patchey life.

I seriously wonder what I had done in my previous life to deserve this.

Note to GOD (whoever, whatever, and whereever you are):
THANK YOU!