So I guess this is it.
There goes my 4-year effort to get a fairer skin tone.
The tropical sun has finally taken its toll through a 1 hour bike ride under the sun. It wasn't even a full-blown sun, for God's sake!

Anyway, Mr. Vain, my new buddy from class, was so hilarious on the way back home. Browsing through the cds that one street vendor was selling, he asked me to find one with the "doggie song" by Jay.
"Eh? Come again?"
"The doggie song.... ya know....."
For a split second I thought he meant that "who let the dogs out" song, but then I figured it's Jay Chow's 四面楚歌 since the lyric's a bit loaded with the word 狗 and words that rhyme with it. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was actually looking for 安静 or anjing, which means a dog in Indonesian.
That's a good one.

I'm dyslexic

So it's official....
I was like half a step away from being $2000 richer, and I blew it.

I had this weird dream. A really weird one, in which my aunt was having a conversation with "God" during her prayers and she was given a very clear set of number consisting of 4 digits.

Geez... Think it will take a while for me to recover.

Darn it.. think I'm dyslexic....

你很笨 leh! - One interesting cab ride

Flagged a cab today to campus as I didn't feel like spending over an hour with the bus. The wait was ok but I should've noticed the signs when the cabby didn't even bother driving up to where I stand and made me cross the street instead.
It wasn't until I got really close that I realized he's a really old guy. I later found out that he's in his early 70s.

Anyway it started off as any other cab ride until the guy started interrogating me on the reason why my English was different than the local version. At first he was quite impressed that given my country of origin that I could understand and speak a bit of Chinese, but the discussion then just went tumbling down the hill afterwards. He started interrogating me about what I do and used to do. Silly me didn't think that such an old man can be so scarily fierce and just answered all his questions in a matter-of-factly way.

I really didn't expect the guy just completely go berserk once he heard what I did a few months ago.
" 你很笨leh！为什么要回来？可以住美国不要住？？？你真得很笨 leh!!!"
(Unofficial translation: YOU MORON!! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT!??!You could've stayed in US and you chose not to???!?!? )
He was talking at the top of his lungs. He couldn't believe anyone with the right mind would have done what I did. I could see his eyes from the rear view mirror and I could tell he was fuming. I think if I were in any way related to him, he would've yanked my hair and dragged me out of the car and just beat the heck out of me.

Trust me, he was REALLY scary.
He then spent the rest of my cab ride lecturing me about how one should not be a 井底蛙 (literal translation: frog at the bottom of a well -- a dry one, I hope) and how one should aspire to be a 海鸥 (seagull, I think).
He told me about how his son is in Australia and is doing really well and happy there and doesn't even want to come back.
"This place is not for humans to live in" he said. He then asked what I thought I would get from this place. I went for the easy "dunno" way out. Didn't see the use of getting into an argument with him.

He then went on about how US is such a good place to live, with its totally chemical-free fruits and vegetables, and chickens that are not injected with hormones (HUH?!?!??!?), its laid-back lifestyle, where everything is just beautiful and perfect.
It's amazing anyone could be so misled about US, huh?
And even more so, that this is all coming from someone who most probably had never been to US. Or maybe that's actually why he could've been so misled in the first place.

I waited until we got really close to where I was gonna get off, and politely asked:
"Uncle (local way to address older male individuals), since you seem to like the place so much and since you're son is doing so well out there, so how come you're driving a cab here? Why are you not there with him?You should go and stay with him there.Let him take care of you now."
"Ah? Me?"
I must have caught him offguard.
"Yup."
There was a few seconds of silence.
" I don't like bread leh...........I prefer rice."
He laughed and I faked a laugh to go along with it.
" I told my son that I'll go there when I'm older and senile, so I can eat anything."
What a lame excuse, I thought.

And there, right at that second, I felt bad. I felt sorry for him.
I know that some senior citizens nowadays prefer to live by themselves, working to support themselves and to maintain their independence, like my grandparents. However, I also know that not all of them have the benefit of a choice as my grandparents do.What if that's the case with him?
What if I had just made another cut in an open wound?

I remember somewhere along the way, the guy heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head showing a strong disappointment.
" Haiya,......真替你可惜啊...."
He sounded like he was genuinely concerned.

Then I remember my late paternal grampa.
Although he was never as nosy as this guy, I could see some similarities in their "tough guy, tough love" style. Grampa was both the coolest and the grumpiest guy all in one. He said very little when unnecessary but when he's pissed off about something, his old fiery side would come out right away.

I wonder if he would've said the same thing to me:
"你很笨leh!"
I hope not.

Just realized I haven't really taken any picture since I got here. Kinda' miss my camera. The thing is it's quite troublesome to lug around with me considering the size and weight. Hmm... is it time for a new one? ^_^

Confession of a procrastinator.... (or is it late-bloomer?)

I did. I did. I did.
I have. I have. I have.
I am. I am. I am.

I wish.

One heck of a bus ride

I'm quite convinced that the bus driver seriously forgot that he still had another passenger on board. OK, so I guess 00.15 am it's not really a good idea to still be on the bus through the industrial park. But, hey, I'm a paying customer, OK?

This guy was swerving from one lane to another, swaying his body along as if moving along with a music playing in his head. By the time he got through the first roundabout (of a few along the way), it seriously felt like I had just gone through a ride in the amusement park.

Brakes? What's that? Neah.. don't know it, don't need it.

Geez, I had to hold on to my dear life, utilizing all my limbs to grab whatever footing and holding I can find just to avoid getting thrown out the window.

But anyway, I was so relieved after being done with my individual presentation today that I didn't even feel the need to curse or anything like that. Didn't even need any alcohol after managing to drag some of my friends out for supper after class. They were just amused at how happy I was.

Yipee!! The two trouble-makers, along with their parents aka. my bro and sis-in-law, are coming to town in the next few days. So should have some "entertainment". Honestly, nowadays, just having more people around is high-intensity entertainment for me. Pathetic? I know....

Hm... somebody suggested backpacking to Phuket over the break? Now that's an interesting idea.... Wonder how long I'll last on the road. Now if we had a car it would be great. Just lurrrve driving. Anyway, I think maybe we should start with Malaysia first though. Redang island's beach looks gorgeous on the website, and I just saw a package that includes 3 snorkeling trips. Tempting idea.... questionable prospect, though.

Anyway,I was also thinking of Penang. When he was still around, Grandpa offered to take me there a few times, but I never took the offer. Now I wonder if he really was just looking for an excuse, and a friend, to go there. He seemed to like the place a lot (though I have no idea what's there). Should've noticed that....

Gullible? me???

Something interesting happened yesterday. It wasn't an eventful day or anything like that but it was interesting.
For the first time ever, someone actually used the word "gullible" to describe me.
Me? gullible?
Interesting...., never in my life have I associated myself with that word.
The thing is I tend to relate being gullible to being "innocent", up to a certain extent (not to mention also slightly "slow"? So, I'm not sure if I should be mad right about...... NOW?).

I definitely don't see myself as being "innocent" for sure, so it's quite hard for me to relate to the word "gullible".

Of course the person who said it is a classmate that has known me only for the past 2.5 months or so, but I do wonder if that's how some people really see me.

Really need to take a longer look at myself in the mirror next time....

wait a minute.... (!??!?!)

geez.....
this is so ridiculous....
Just realized that for the past few months, I've been running around thinking that I'm one year older than I actually am.
GEEEEZZZ, girl... what's wrong with your brain?????!?!?

Didn't realize this till the other day while my uncle was advising (i.e. lecturing) me on how I should just find someone to settle down and all that stuff. He asked how old I am and I promptly answered: 2X! The same thing I've been telling my new acquaintances in town.

Of course, not that it makes that much of a difference though, since it's almost the end of the year anyway. But still.... even my 5-yr old niece can tell she's almost 5, not almost 6.... ?!?!?!??

So much for all the time and money spent on school huh? can't even get this simple math straight?

Really need to have a CT-scan I think.
Something's wrong up there in my control room.

23.55

Just submitted a report a little over 12 hours ago, 5 minutes before the end of the 19/10/05 deadline.
phewwwhhh...... Have no idea what I was rambling about in the 12-page long discussion.

A classmate was trying to convince me that the $1 per week is worth the hope that you're buying with the TOTO / 4D here. I personally think it's a waste of time but he sure was very convincing though...
We'll see....

In any case, wonder if 2355 would hit.

arrrgggghhh.....
16-page research proposal in 72 hours?
arrrrgggghhh...
!
those group projects!
must type type and type some more.
arggggggggggghhh......

Disposable memory

Just realized most of my friends have become just text in my inbox or in my IM window. Well..., ok... so I guess maybe once in a while a few animated emoticons (how are we supposed to pronounce this by the way?).

I'm just not sure if it's a good thing or not.

Is it good because I still have them in my thoughts, that at least we are maintaining that thin line called friendship despite our nerve-wrecking daily routines and work pressure? Or is it bad because it's all that I have left from all the great times we used to share?

I just miss a lot of people, that's all. Can't help but wonder if they are thinking of me too. A friend once told me not to hold on too hard to any memory that you have. "People come and people go.... That's life," this friend said, not long before she basically just flew away and disappeared into thin air.

As much as I try to, I am a sucker for nostalgic memories. Think I've managed to let go of a lot and I've managed to drag myself to move on (physically: twice) but I reminisce a lot. Wonder why it is so much easier for everyone else to let go.

Just wish I could do without this 30GB hard drive (or have a teeny, itsy, bitsy one just to run the OS) and just stick with USB thumb drives for good. Disposable memories for your brain.... wouldn't that be great then?

Mine is sinus

That's my problem alright.

Another freakin' flu attack in less than 2 weeks????!?!?!? Can hardly use my nose right now that I might actually survive without it if you cut it off now. I mean c'mon... that's really pushing it, don't u think?Who in the world gets a second cold less than 2 weeks after the first one?
What the heck is wrong with this place anyway? Or is it me? IS IT REALLY?
This freakin' sinus pain is driving me nuts!!
By now, think I'm quite ready to just use a vacuum cleaner to take care of things. Just get everything out in the open.....

So sorry for the disgusting idea, by the way.

On the bus

On my way home, with three bags full of school and personal supplies plus the stuff that I had to bring for my private lesson, I was ready to get off the bus. Couldn't wait to get off the cool, air-conditioned bus and walk that short distance home from the bus stop in the disgustingly hot and sticky weather. As I stood up getting ready to get off, an elderly man stood up also and reached out to hold on to one of the poles on the bus. With a slow movement typical of older people, he reached out his hands and put his hands on the hands of an elderly lady who was also holding on to the pole, although she was sitting down. She raised her head and looked at him. I thought she was ready to yell: " YOU PERVERT!!!"(You should've seen my face. It was a really tense split second.)

Instead though, they just looked at each other. For the few minutes we had to stop at the traffic light, they just looked at each other. Not a single word from either one of them. Not a nod. Nothing.

I let them get off first and I watched them walk away from the bus stop.

Suddenly, the thought of my late grandfather just crossed my mind. Not sure why. He wasn't really a touchy feely person. He was a mechanic cum electrician. He wouldn't have passed any quiz you could give him to measure his sensitivity. When he found out that he had cancer, he didn't tell anyone in the family although later on we did anyway. But what he decided to do after he found out is what I find really touching. He tried to make sure my grandma has plenty of supply of this particular type of traditional Chinese show in Teochew, the type that she really liked. It took him a while, but one by one, he managed to score what he needed from his favorite place: the flea market. He decided he needed to make sure my grandma wouldn't have to fight with the grandkids to watch the show, so he went to scour the market for a decent TV, a VCD player and of course the VCDs. It took him a while as he wanted a good bargain, but he managed to get everything together.

Now my grandma lives on those VCDs. Whenever she can get her hands on them, watching the show is the only thing she will be doing all day long. I used to be her favourite, but now she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore.

I miss my grandpa. I wish I had the chance to say good bye to him. But what makes it worse is that I didn't realize I was losing both of them at the same time.

Caught in the act

Don't you just hate it when you get caught red-handed? Doesn't matter what you were doing, it sucks when you get caught when browsing your horoscope online during office hours, or when checking out your own reflection on a window, or when wearing socks with holes in them, or wearing the same outfit two days in a row or one of the worst yet most-probable one: when you get caught with something in your teeth that desribes your last meal.

One of the things I end up getting caught with ( a lot) recently is : looking at other people. I'm sorry but I had nothing to do,ok? I mean, why do you think people stand at the bus stop or stand in line at the interchange? Think they're actually waiting for the bus? NOOOOOO..... they're there because they have nothing to do at 11 pm and decided some people watching would be fun, ok? Actually getting on the bus and getting home is only a bonus. Trust me.

Special stage performances

Sunday was supposed to be a peaceful, restful day for me here in the little tropical island. At least I thought so.

Last Sunday did not really work out that way though. After spending a full hour of queueing in front of a noodles stall in a hawker's center, I came home from lunch with my uncle and aunt thinking that it was going to be the highlight of the day. We were greeted though with some heavy-duty karaoke singing. We were busy commenting on the vocal quality at first: This lady sucks... now this guy is not bad. Stuff like that. We then completely ignored these idol wannabes. An hour passed. Two. Three. Wait a minute. It was getting ridiculous. I can understand some weekend stress-reliefing hobbies. But 4 hours of karaoke singing? Even Celine Dion won't be able to make it, I think.

The answer then came after my curious aunt took a quick peek out her kitchen windows. It turned out there was a stage performance set up in the parking lot across the street from our block.

I then learned yet another interesting thing about my people. Apparently, some of us believe in offering more than just food and other necessities to the hungry ghosts during this time of the year: Entertainment. What thoughtful people we are.
So apparently, this type of performance has always been held around this time of the year to entertain these spirits. What makes it even more interesting is what I learned later on. Little things like they used to have peking-opera like performances back in the days. But they are more modernized now, hence the karaoke and mando or hokkien pop songs. More interestingly, the first row of the audience seating will always be left empty for these spirits. And..... the performers have to continue performing whether or not they have any audience within sight. For obvious reason, of course.

Well, I like the culture of my people. We are such respectful and thoughtful people.

So, I didn't feel the need to complain when the singing didn't stop after 5 hours. By the sixth hours, I was beginning to hum along with the singers. By the end of the seventh hour, when they stopped, I found myself wishing they had kept the show going on longer. It was getting too quiet for a night in the month of the hungry ghosts.

Sweating onions

Ever heard of this cooking technique? If you haven't, those of you with cable tv should really watch the food channel more. What interesting and informative programs they have there :)
(My favourite, of course, Iron Chef, what else? --- NOT the American Iron Chef show though. I find the lack of originality so not appealing.)

Anyway, sweating the onions, as far as I know, is supposed to bring out the sweetness in the onions.

Well, that only works for onions.At least I think so.

When you get creative with your ingredient and try sweating a person, most of the time that's really not that an attractive idea. There's definitely nothing sweet about it, ok?

This is precisely why I can't help but curse this evil weather, here in the heartlands (Still can't figure out how they came up with the word heartlanders). As much as I would like to think that there is something sweet about me sweating, I really don't have any evidence to prove it.

Alternative solutions so far:
- Not have any fluid in my body (Kinda' tough to do)
- Design and produce a cooling thermal bodysuit (Slightly easier but still tough)
- Not leave my air-conditioned room for the rest of my stay here (Tempting idea)
- Hypnotize myself into believing that I'm an onion: Nothing but sweetness will come out of all this (Yeah, right!).

I seriously am impressed with all the gorgeous ladies here who walk around like they are only 2 seconds behind the leader within less than 50 meters to the finish line in a triathlon right under the wonderful equatorial sun, but still manage to keep all their make-up intact. I am just so greatful that I am not required to put on any on a day-to-day basis. But seriously, how do you do it, ladies? Super sweat-proof make-up? Anti-perspirant body lotion and face moisturizer? Tatoo all the make up on your faces? A special medical procedure to remove all sweat glands from your body?

Any info would be greatly appreciated.

The seventh month

It officially started a few days ago. Yup, the month of the hungry ghosts is what they call it here.

I respect the tradition and I do believe in spirits as in I believe that there is some form of life or world other than what we can see, hear, feel and touch in this world. Personally I'm perfectly fine with that as long as we respect each other's boundary. Let's just keep to ourselves, basically....I mean isn't it how we can achieve harmony in this world?

My problem is, why the heck do people have to make movies exploiting this idea and furthermore, why do they have to be released during this particular month? Isn't it kind of like mocking them?

(Note: OK, now I realize, 1:38 am in the morning is really not the best time to be writing about this. Scenes from horror movies I've (accidentally) seen keep popping up in my mind and now whatever hair I have at the back of my neck is standing up. But with all due respect, I am not the one mocking the whole idea,ok?)

I guess what bugs me the most is because the most convenient way for me to get home from my classes, which don't end until at least 10 p.m., involves a second bus ride with a route around an industrial park. Not that I'm complaining or anything, I mean I think it's a wonderful place. At least it provides income for numerous people in the labor force. But you have to agree with me, a late night bus ride in that type of area with only you as the passenger at times is not really an attractive idea. Especially that late at night and especially during this particular time of the year. And to make things even lovelier, through the wonderful technology of satellite tv on public transportation, they broadcast the commercials for the latest locally-produced movie of a particularly relevant theme (i.e. horror films), exploiting the festivity celebrated this particular time of the year.

Great. Just great.

All I can say is... harmony and peace for all.
I guess I'll just keep on chanting it to myself while concentrating not to respond to any voices from behind me during my bus rides home.

My missing baby :(

I miss my camera!!!!!!!!

just rattling here...

I'm on the 6th floor and my window faces a man-made lake. There's a pretty decent-size reservoir just right across the street from the building. You can actually go and feed the turtles and fish there if you want. People usually bring their kids there late in the afternoons. I heard my niece and nephew loved it when they came and stayed here.

I can see a lot from my window. The water. The trees along the street. The path around the lake lined by street lights every 20 meters or so. The buildings across the reservoir. They're mostly industrial buildings, unfortunately. There are some blinking lights from some towers there that always seem to catch my eyes. One time I even saw lighthouse-like structure in my first midnight stroll. Other than that, it's pretty typical like any other place in the island.

I like it when I see people enjoying the fake lake,though. Sometimes they're parents trying to catch up with their kids who just decided to take off, while trying to control the stroller with the baby in it. Sometimes they're couples enjoying the wonderfully polluted night air. Sometimes it's just somebody trying to follow doctors' instruction to stay active and exercise. Sometimes it's just a whole bunch of factory workers looking for a free activity.

Aside from the individual joggers, it seems people only go either as a couple or in groups though. Sometimes I'm just curious what they think of me when they see me there in my running shoes (Note: not suggesting any particular activities is being conducted here :P). Perhaps one giant suicidal ham in running shoes? ^_^

For the first time, I am not the youngest in the class anymore. It's actually kind of sad considering the youngsters seem to have achieved much more than I have.