All I can say is,
I think if this thing works out, I'm gonna be in for one heck of a ride at work.

confession

OK, I suppose it's confession time.

Once in a while, I do need to retreat to some tear-jerking dramas.
While previously I never really fessed up to this, even to myself.
I accidentally did when I was chatting with a colleage online just now, recommending this one particular show that touched on AIDS and underprivileged families.

PL says:my life already very sad,
PL says:still ask me watch sad movies
chocoholic says:no lah... u cry over ur own life sounds pathetic mah
chocoholic says:then u find a gd movie and bawl ur eyes out
chocoholic says:that's what i do
chocoholic says:then i have an excuse to cry lor
PL: ahhah

Sigh..... so that's what's been going on. I didn't really realize that before.

the big three-o part deux

I had one of my best birthdays ever yesterday.

Phonecalls, emails and messages: Mom & Dad, sis-in-law (bro usually forgets), aunt, friends, roomie & bf, more friends.

Also, one obstacle down, though I know this one is just the tip of the iceberg).

And I had a really great lunch with my buddies at work. All 13 of them (one couldn't make it because of other appointment).
They're really one of the blessings in my life. Sometimes I still can't believe how lucky I am to have gotten a chance to be in such a tight and fun bunch of people.
There's always ups and downs, but I think we're really great together.
I really wish I had the power to keep us all together.
I can almost see us "conquering" the world. lol...
It is just one heck of an interesting mix of people at the table: My wacky dancing queen sister who does an excellent teresa teng and idolizes inul daratista (lol), a goddess of death who's addicted to caffeine, a king with interesting collection of "wifes, ex-wifes and mistresses", a chinese little star with his occassional teaching of chinese proverbs, a devout christian who's into bon jovi, a cat lover who doesn't really eat meat that much, a super neat super mom of two boys, an organic lifestyle poster girl, a chio super mom of two pretty little girls, an eating machine sociologist, a funky economist, a sexy puss in boots, a prim and proper lady, and me, the lucky nonsensical chocoholic.

The whole gank chipped in, either as major or minor shareholder, buying me lunch as well as birthday present. My wacky dancing queen sister who was the appointed shopper bought me the gorgeous tube dress that I had been eyeing before during one retail therapy session with her.

They beat me in my own game, and I couldn't pay for the lunch. All I could do was treat them a slice of cake.
I really wish I could give them more than that.

I got so sad that I couldn't help it. I cried a bit.
My buddy the king told me I caught them by surprise and they didn't know what to do when I did.

Sorry, peeps! But I was really sad lor... you guys are making it so much harder....

Anyway, after surviving lunch, I went to pick up yet another cake for dinner. I insisted to do that as it was my uncle Charlie's b'day too.

So we had steamboat cum bbq dinner at my aunt's flat. There's this unoccupied space next to her corner flat that has become somewhat her private "yard". Perfect spot for bbq dinner, especially with the breezy nite.

Then it was another round of chocolate fudge cake from raffles hotel's ah teng bakery, after which I felt like fainting afterwards from over-stuffing myself.

Then I came home to a taiwanese tv show that claimed basically that capricorns will have a good year this year.

What a great day.....

I don't really remember feeling so loved and so lucky before in my life.

So far, the big three-o has been good to me, and I hope it will stay this way.

the big three-o

So here I am....
half an hour past midnite.
Well, technically since I was born at noon, it's not really the big three-o till another 12 hours or so...
(hmmm... now contemplating posting this at noon instead)

oh what the heck....
How I spent my first half an hour in the big three-o?
Chatting with one of my sistas from my windy-city era, Miss M, who proudly displayed the ultra-scan image of her baby daughter.
I just find moms amazing, and I know she's gonna be one amazing supermom.
Way to go, Miss M!
(She attacked me online with what looked like Jolie's lips :P..... which just reminds me of her version of Shiloh :P)

Also chatted with a colleague, who I once spent hours chatting with.
With the kind of shit we had to deal with, just didnt really have time to chat recently.
And that all changed yesterday when my resignation was finalized after 2 failed attempts previously.

I must say, I have been one blessed little brat to have such doting parents (though it took me a while to figure it out) and family, to have met and befriended such wonderful and unbelievably sweet people as I have, and to just have such a wonderful, albeit holey and patchey life.

I seriously wonder what I had done in my previous life to deserve this.

Note to GOD (whoever, whatever, and whereever you are):
THANK YOU!

So, ... I have finally decided (or so I try to convince myself).

I need something new for the new year.
I'm actually quite sad just thinking about it, but at the same time I don't think this is sustainable.

Keep thinking about the people though.
Sad...

Btw, my nephew after waking up in the morning and finding me sitting in front of my laptop :
"Gu-gu (chinese for auntie), is your homework really tough?....... How come you can't seem to finish it?It's been days already...."

I luv kids....

One soft-hearted biatch

I finally did it.
Told my trainer that I thought it'd be best for me to switch trainer as it was getting harder and harder to match our schedules.
I really felt he wasn't cooperating enough. Besides, how the heck is anyone who's not motivated enough to work can motivate someone to go work out?
As my colleagues put it," Heck! I'm a paying customer, ok?!?!?"
How dare he raised his voice at me?!?!?

Funny though.
I kinda feel bad.

My gal pal at work, Miss Faye Faye, was laughing at me for being soft-hearted.
The reason being, I was scolding her for being soft-hearted.
On hindsight, I think she had a better excuse, she was soft-hearted when it comes to her ex.
Me? I'm soft-hearted. Period.
Even when it comes to my personal trainer. Or bosses who take advantage of cheap foreign labor. .... lol.....

My buddy at work was teasing me when I told him I was gonna quit if I wasn't happy with the boss the next day. He said," Are you sure or not? You keep saying the same thing every time leh... "
But you see, to be honest, I really think our boss is not that bad, contrary to some of the things I've been hearing. After all, she did give me the opportunity to try out for this.

By the way, I also feel bad that I've caused some of my friends to worry about me, especially Mr Bunny and Miss Beenz.
If you guys are somehow reading this post, I'm really sorry.
I've just been really drained at work. Aside from the fact that I really had almost no time left for myself, I also didn't want to be dumping all my shit to you.
I had nothing to talk about aside from work.

Things will get better soon. I promise.
At least, I will try to make it better... : )

I keep breaking my record. Left the office at 5 am and reached home by 5.30. crashed and slept till 8 am, when I jumped out of bed to take my shower and then head back to office.



I need to break this vicious cycle!



Had to go and get some eye cream this evening. I just decided I really need to see something else other than my desk, my room, my car and the food court where we usually go for lunch.

Enough is enough.



So I went shopping instead. Kinda just HAVE to get a new white top. I had just realized that most of my white blouses are either stained, lost their brightness or got some other problems.



I ended up with an eye cream, a black skirt, a pair of slacks and 2 tops for work. Talk about some retail therapy huh?

baby step

It's my first day back at the gym after a really long while.

20 mins on the cross-trainer (with almost no resistance, hahaha), 5 mins on the stationary bike (again, kindergarten level) and 40 mins of circuit training.

nothing remotely close to the intensity of training last year, or even earlier this year, before i started work.

but hey, i'm still quite happy. at least i stepped back to gym. ^_^

one tiny baby step at a time, girl.
one tiny baby step at a time. .......

Life - or something like it

It's 5 mins to midnite and I'm still in the office.
All by myself.

Those close to me can vouch for me: I am the biggest chicken in the whole world.
Yet, I am strangely ok with staying here at the wonderful 35th floor all by myself.
(What freaks me a bit is getting to the 34th floor from the emergency staircase :P).

I am supposed to be rushing 2 sections of this particular regional market study, but I'm just plain burnt-out. In dire need for a break then remembered I haven't updated my blog for a while. I recently found out that template I had been using had somehow gone haywire and my blog has been looking pretty neglected, especially with no posts whatsoever the past few weeks.
Too lazy (and no time!!!) to look for template, I just went for one of the standard ones.

The past few weeks have been mostly nothing but work. It has been all about slaving myself away monday-friday (plus two saturdays, and inclusive of one public holiday spent here at my desk). Oh and some nite-outs with my colleagues.
With all the crap we have to put up with, we strongly believe we need some heavy-duty de-stressing.

The past few weeks, I only go home to throw myself on my bed, jumping back up and rushing back to office a few hours after that.

I have been joking about getting a sleeping bag, stuffing my stuff in my car, and moving in to the office. I can always go to shower at Cali-Fit. There you have it: My contribution to all the "green" movement that's all the buzz nowadays (not to mention, savings from not actually having to drive my car).

I got into an accident a few weeks ago. Pretty bad in some ways yet not as bad in others. I am totally convinced by now that God is really, extremely nice to me. And I totally have no idea why I might have done in my previous life to deserve such nice treatment.
And knowing that I fully do not deserve it just makes me freak out even more.

Anyway, as I said, got nothing much to update.

Oh haven't been to the gym for the past 2 months. Seriously cannot make it there with all this crap going on.

(Note to self: Be thankful. Be greatful that someone actually is giving u a chance)

Sigh....

Oh Mr. Bunny is gonna go for R.O.M in January with Mrs. Bunny, a.k.a. Ade.

And he refused to have a bachelor's party.

Sigh... (not that I could come anyway)

Ok, it's 10 mins past midnite. Better get back to my work.

My record was 00.10 yesterday. I'm getting better and bettter.
00.11 restart work instead of packing home.

Life? Where are you?

A very nice colleague just shared with me one of his favorite quotes (which I'm too lazy too google around for), that the true character of a person is not reflected during his success, but when he manages to pick himself up and again.

I think that's a really good one, OKS!Thanks again for sharing.

Exactly what I need right now, I think.....

Another day in paradise

I'm having a rather bad day, I suppose.
Or weekend for that matter.

It bugs the hell out of me that I have totally no clue whatsoever what is bugging me right now.
I am just totally bugged out.
And unfortunately, no.... it's not that time of the month.
How I wish it were that time of the month.... that would make it all so logical.

I am simply pissed off..... for reasons that I am not even sure of.

I do have some guesses, but really I can't tell which one of them is causing this.
Or maybe it's actually all of them combined?I really don't know.

Totally pissed off at myself right now...

Seriously, I don't mean to stereotype people, but here's one difference I notice between Asian guys and the so-called Westerners or "ang-moh"s as they are referred to here on this island.

I find that ang-moh guys either open / hold the doors for ladies, or they simply don't (which doesn't happen very often, as far as I know).
Whereas in the case for Asian guys, ..... again I don't want to generalize -- I know perfectly clear that there are exceptions...., but there are just so many ridiculous conditions for these gentlemen-wannabes.
It all depends, you see.... Is it potential gf? gf? wife? Cute chick @ 7-11?
If not, chances are.... they may just give the opening / holding door thing a pass.

Sorry but I can't help but feel that it's one of the most ridiculous things in the world. I don't believe in split personalities. I know everyone has multiple personas based on the different roles that they play, but c'mon..... it's either you're a gentleman, or you're not! I'm sorry lor but I don't think there's any way you can be a perfect gentleman to your girlfriend/ potential girlfriend/ wife/ cute chick @ 7-11 but a total jerk to everyone else.

Just to clarify, I do not need anyone to open my doors at all. I am fully capable of opening my own doors. Sometimes I even open doors or hold elevator doors for guys who shamelessly walk out without even saying thanks, but hey....it's perfectly fine by me! At least they don't try to be someone who they're not (at least from what little I could gather from my brief seconds-long encounter with the strangers).

As for anyone out there who's doing the selective gentleman moment thing, please wake up.
You're not a gentleman, ok?! Sorry to burst your bubble......but unfrtunately you're not a gentleman lor.....

So...? Wanna reconsider? I think you might as well just drop the whole being-a-perfect-gentleman thing and just move on and enjoy your life.
I can imagine how troublesome it is to play the role of someone who you're really not.

Don't cha?

It can be a bit disturbing when you have a middle-aged ( and I mean MIDDLE-aged) cleaning lady at your gym trying to sing along to the Pussycat Doll's Don't cha? with her (really) broken english.....

Yup. Rolled-up sleeves and pants and all while mopping the floor in the changing room.

What a way to start your day.

Farewell

Today was the last day at work for my dear friend, Miss Wong.

Considering what a cry baby I am, I am a bit surprised to find that I didn't cry at all.
Well, ... maybe partly because I already cried a bit the other day when she showed our buddy Mr Ong and me the snack box she had carefully prepared and hid so well for us.

I just thought it was really sweet of her. She bought all the snacks that we had previously tried and liked. She must have burnt quite a hole in her pocket from all those japanese snacks.

Anyway, we had our farewell lunch -- a teochew porridge buffet -- earlier today. Then at 6 pm we went for dessert at this really nice chinese dessert place nearby.
It's becoming a tradition it seems for us.

Then there were four,.... now there are two.

Think Mr. Ong also can't wait to leave. And I have been telling him and everybody else, that the day he leaves, I will follow suit.

I hate to be left behind like this. That's one of the things that make goodbyes even harder I think.

Well, I just hope we'll be keeping in touch.

And here's wishing you all the best, Miss Wong! Unlikely as it is, I hope you'll find new colleagues who are cooler than us.

I will definitely miss the company during my drive home every day.

One night in Sg

I was late yesterday for a movie with some of my buddies from work.
Boss called me in to her office a bit late in the day and was stuck there for a while. Show was to start at 6.40 and I only managed to wait for the office lift at 6.25 pm.
My friends had already walked their way to the theatre by then.

Anyway, after picking up Miss Wong who went downstairs first to get dinner, we made a run for it. Got lucky and found a spot really close to the escalator.

Anyway, thanks to the commercials, we didn't really miss anything.

After the show, my "westerners" buddies and a new westerner friend headed to the carpark, as I usually drop my buddies off at this one MRT station in the west.

At least that was the plan.

Somehow, despite frantically exploring the carpark waving my remote control as if it was some kind of magic wand that will help in the apparition of the car, my beloved car was nowhere to be found.

After about 20 mins or so, I was getting a bit upset. I had to work on a report and a presentation that night and I really could not afford to waste time. I was already taking a huge risk by going out to catch the show, but I really did not want to miss it, especially with such good company. I really needed a bit of fun.

Anyway, it was getting ridiculous as I knew for sure that I was at the right side of the huge mall.
Right at the moment,I saw two police officers appear out of nowhere. Before I knew it, I was already running towards them.

After quietly listening to me spilling my heart out about how ridiculous it was, I noticed there was not any sign of urgency or actually intention to help at all. They were really cool about the whole thing. Too cool even now that I think of it.

At one point, after several Q&As, one of the officers commented:" This is quite a tricky car park, Mam. Maybe you can look around again."
I think I must have shot him a nasty look, coz then the second officer grinned awkwardly and said,"Uhm.... Actually...., we're also trying to locate our vehicle, Mam."

DUH???

THAT'S IT, MAN!!!
I mean...., c'mon.... how do you lose a freakin' police car??????

Combining this and my previous encounter with the local cops, I think now I have right about... oh I don't know... maybe 0.000000000000001% respect left for them?

But on the other hand, though, now I have something to remember that can crack me up when I'm feeling down.

Oh and by the way, I found the car.
No, it didn't apparate out of thin air. And the officers certainly did not help. They actually disappeared after telling me to call them if I still can't find my car. Yea rite... as if that's gonna help.

Anyway, apparently, I was having so much fun talking to my buddies that I went down one floor further than I needed to.

So all in all, despite getting only 1-hr sleep yesterday trying to catch up with work after the outing, it was a good one. At least a very interesting one.... to me.

Oh and the movie, ... It was my very first time catching a local production and I was actually quite impressed. The title is 881 and apparently it's been doing very well in the theatres. And I really lurrrve one of the soundtracks. So much so that I'm wondering whether or not it's worth it to get the CD.
I suspect my aunt may enjoy the songs.

Bro's in town. I picked up him up at the airport late last nite.
Unfortunately, the pisang goreng end and brownies end up as gifts for my relatives. Didn't exactly get anything from him.
So I was quite happy to "score" a fancy skipping rope from him.
He voluntarily offered it to me in return for a promise that I will learn how to skip.
Interesting coz it was just the day before that my trainer tried to start me on skipping.

You see... Sometimes I'm amazed at how smooth God has made my life to be.
Just the other day, I realized that I learned how to ride a bike without falling. Come to think of it, I can't recall any major fall from riding a bicycle before.

Anyway, so I have a new project: To learn how to skip. I hear it works wonders in weight loss program. So I'm thinking it would be great if I can do it on alternate days when I don't go to the gym.

(NOTE TO SELF: YOU'RE RUNNING SHORT OF TIME, MAN!!!! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BALL!!!)

YAY! MORE PROJECTS!!! HOPEFULLY MORE COMMISSION!!!

a report revision, a new proposal and a (fancy) powerpoint presentation.
any chance I can wrap it up in 24 hours?

Double recap

The past one week or so passed by like nobody's business.
There were several occasions I really wanted to post something but either forgot or was just so dead beat, so exhausted that I almost fell asleep driving home from work.
Don't ask me why I am so tired. So many people have asked if I was that busy.
My answer has been: I'm busy trying to look busy.
^_^

So, here's the recap:

04/07/07:
I did remember that day. I wanted to post something short just to remind myself that it had been exactly 2 years since the last July 4th fireworks I went to.

05/07/07:
The day marked the two years since I uprooted myself for the second time from a place I really had grown to love. No regrets though, since I think I have gained some despite losing some.

07/07/07:
I read in the newspaper that 777 couples were to register their marriages that day. I remember wondering whether there was any chance at all that I would find my soul mate by 09/09/09. HAHAHAHA...... (dream away.....).
Despite the rather depressing outlook though, someone showed up online that afternoon and brighten up my day. And I mean really BRIGHTEN up my day.....

10/07/07:
(Re-cap): Mom and Dad were in town to attend my convocation. Though there was a bit of a commotion coz I was still at the office after 6 o'clock, it all worked out just fine. I didn't get a chance to freshen up or anything, but who cares...... I just hope I have made it up to my parents for the other convocation they missed. I bet they hardly picked up 10% of what the speech was all about. After the convocation, Mom asked me why a few people had extraordinarily cute-looking hats instead of mortar boards. When I told her that those are people who graduated with PhDs, she commented: " Why don't you go for one then? 'Coz those are cute.....".
Yup.... that's my mom, alright.... as if I would even consider slaving myself away for a few years just to wear the darn hat in a single occasion? I mean, it's not like it's something you might wear to the mall for God's sake.

Oh and at the convocation, I finally met Raphael and Ethan, two of my "classmates" whom I had never met in person after they were born. You see, their moms had them halfway through our program and despite my promises to drop by and see those two boys, I could never made it before.

And yesterday, I went to Central @ Clarke Quay with Miss Wong and Mr. Ong, my new buddies at work. We went there for dinner with Miss Koh who resigned not long after I started at my current job. We hit it off quite well so we've kinda been in touch and there have been talks about gatherings and outings ever since.

Lemme see... what else....

Oh I really can't wait to catch the latest Harry Potter movie.

A colleague at work said this afternoon that I am a 开心果 (kai xin guo). I couldn't understand why she would associate me with pistacchio at first, since the word as far as I know refers to the nut. It tursn out the word can also mean something else. The life of the party, according to yet another colleague.
Although I am not sure I agree, but I am quite happy that at least someone actually associates me with the word 开心 (kai xin) or happy.
Call me an under-achiever, but I feel that it's quite an achievement on its own.

a sundae-less sunday

I decided to pamper myself with a boxed set of the fifth season of Gilmore Girls.
Simply coz it's the latest season I could find at the one and only Borders in the city.
I've gobbled up 4 and going thru my fifth episode. Some of them I've actually seen, but it's still all good.
I just hope I'll be able to find the last season after this.
Oh I also got a really cute paisley covered sketchbook for my work notebook.
I've been using sketchbooks as notebooks for the past few years and by now I have almost zero tolerance for ruled notebooks.
It took my cousin and I a good half an hour ransacking the stationery section at Borders. I had hoped to find the same suede or any leather-bound sketchbooks I used to get at Borders in Chicago. But as I should've expected, there was nothing even remotely close.
I'm quite happy with the spiral wire-bound plastic paisley notebook though. It's really quite pretty, though I'm still not crazy about the wire-bound.

Oh, and I got a haircut today @ Wheelock.
And all I can say is, is gonna take a lot. A WHOLE DAMN LOT. to ever convince me to get a haircut here in the island. ever. again.
talk about some seriously old-looking fifth-grader here.
Gosh. I just know that I'm gonna get such a hard time about my hair cut from a good friend that's coming to town this friday.
Yup. Mr. Girbo is coming to town.

Gosh. Can't believe it's gonna be monday in a few hours. It's gonna be a really long week I'm sure.
I miss Friday already. ....

(And whowas it that just said she loved her new job? haha.....)

just babbling....

I got my confirmation letter yesterday.
Someone asked if I got a raise. I think it's way too early for that. I don't have anything significant to show yet.
I did finally present my report to the client the day before that although with no voice from throat infection, my boss had to help me present about 3/4 of the 92 slides I prepared. I took over the last 1/4 when my boss couldn't really handle the nitty gritty part.
She did say I performed very well in the presentation. I just hope she really meant it.

I've just realized I haven't posted anything for several weeks.
Well, the truth is, life has been pretty much all about work, sleep, gym (once in a blue moon), and nothing else.
"That's pathetic," a friend commented.
What can I say..... I AM pathetic?

I actually am very interested in my work, as it allows me to gain exposure to such a wide range of projects. The only problem I feel I am having now is communication and team work. I can't seem to shed the feeling that I am still an outsider to my team. Even colleagues from other department noticed that since I seem to click much better with them.

Not that it's bothering me that much though. As I was telling another good friend here, I am quite thick skinned by now, and I am really giving myself a lot of slack. I think very few things get to me now. I told the friend: If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

Last saturday I went out with my local buddies and I had the best pizza since I left the windy city. Not that it was anywhere near the pizano cornmeal crust pizza I love so much, but it definitely was the best thing I have had for quite a while. the best part though was not the food but the company. It was really nice just to hang out and chill, despite my deep-throat whispers.

Oh by the way, I am actually a tad excited about the upcoming convocation. The reason?
Not that I'm that crazy about convos, but I think there are some people in my family who might appreciate the invitation. I might be wrong, but I sure hope I'm not coz I actually had to pull some strings to get extra tickets.
Also, it will be really nice to get to see my classmates again, as a class, you see....
Dang it's so hard to get these people to get together.
Am I crazy? Am I the only person who actually enjoys hanging out with them?

Oh and actually my PR has been approved but I just haven't been able to complete the actual paperwork. It just reminds me of a question someone asked me a while back: "Is it really what you want? What do you plan to do with it?"
My answer at the time was a simple " I dunno"....... And sadly, the answer remains the same.
Haha....
I just think it might come in handy in the future. You never know, man....

Old habits die hard. So, as usual, I have a list of plans I'm really interested in doing.
A sorta wish list , I suppose. Though I'm perfectly aware that it's way too early for a new set of new year resolutions, I thought it'd be good to jot'em down:

• Reach healthy weight before my next b'day (THE BIGGEST ITEM ON THE LIST)
• Restart my "learn mandarin" program
• Go back for french classes
• Go back to yoga classes
• Golf lessons (note: financial sponsor badly needed for this)
• US trip in one beautiful fall with plenty of vibrant colors from the foliage
• Do volunteer work of some sort ( hm.... I think I'm starting to get way too imaginative for my own good)
• One last very important thing: REFORMAT my brain and take out the part that's causing the delusional mode I can't quite shake off just yet despite my promise to myself.

Btw, I can't wait for Gwen Stefani to perform here.

I definitely want to go.