Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Story of an E72

When a while back my aunt was looking for a spare phone, I told her she could grab mine. 
I had two actually... 

So about two or three weeks ago, she picked them up and subsequently made her son call and thank me for the HTC Desire that she insisted he really enjoyed. 
Over the weekend though, when I dragged them out for dinner with my dad, my aunt casually asked me,"So can I delete everything in the phone? Do you still need them?" 
She wasn't talking about the HTC this time. She was talking about my old Nokia E72. The second phone I had relied on before I decided to move on with my life and go for androids.
Gosh, I almost forgot about this phone. 

I casually grabbed the phone from her and checked the contacts.... 
Found some that would come in handy but told myself to forget it as I have survived more than a year without them. 
To my horror though, I found the thousands of smses all still intact when I went through the folders. I didn't realize that they were all still there as I didn't have the habit of deleting my messages until my phone screams for memory (which it did not do). I told my aunt I needed time to check everything and grabbed the phone back from her. 

That night, I took my own sweet time and scrolled down the list of messages. 
The problems I was going through, the arguments I had, the jokes shared with friends, the work smses, even down to a single sms left from the "stalker" (think this one somehow slipped when I deleted those strings of smses); all of them recorded like part of a diary, down to the exact time when those thoughts are jotted down.

And of course, there were those meaningless sweet nothings sent back and forth between two very good friends. Words that really did not mean anything (on hindsight) but somehow did put a smile on my face before I went to bed. Some of them really had very strong saccharine-like quality (wonder if saccharine can cause sugar-high effects). Among them was the "Honey, I love you" message in my inbox that I think had freaked me out and woke me up. 

The same month in the following year as that message, I received a mass message notifying a group of friends of an upcoming wedding. 
Not that it affected me or anything like that (not in denial mode here. really...)
But it's just interesting how fickle the human heart (and mind) can be. 

I scrolled back up and down another time after I sorted out the messages by sender, just so I could see the chronological order. 
Another interesting chapter of my life that taught me another very good lesson, I thought to myself once I was done.Fast and furious was another thought. 
And with that, I toggled the button to "Options", then "Mark all" and "Delete". 
Chapter closed with a concluding note: No More Nokia. 

* The E72 was hand-delivered to my aunt's place Monday evening to start a whole new life. No witness protection program was offered.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Change is the only constant thing...

不知道什么时候开始。。。原本怕热的我变开始怕冷了。
还记得以前多么享受冷的天气,可是最近突然发现自己晚上还满怕冷的。。。


以前在美国的时候有租过一间没有加热机的房子。 在冬天晚上感觉好像要死的时候,还很气的提醒自己做鬼也要找房东报仇。那时候冷到全生发抖的我会带着两瓶温水睡。 每晚睡觉都会点怕自己隔天会醒不起来,在床上死掉。。。


虽然我还是一样怕死,我觉得现在的感觉有点不一样。。。
以前怕的冷好像没有痛。。。
现在怕的冷会痛。。。


本来还想:“wah-say...不是吧?!?!?!才几岁而已。。。难道要输给我八十几岁外公?”
可是后来发现。。。这总痛的感觉有点怪。。。
痛的不是骨头,不是肚子,而是心里。。。
有时候还痛到不知不觉自己开始哭了起来。。。


hahaha....够drama吧?


anyway...连怕热的我也有今天这样开始怕冷。。。
I suppose change is the only constant thing in this life....
好像我今天第一次用华语在自己的部落各PO。。。还满好玩的吗。。。。只希望没有懂华语的人看,然后笑到肚子痛---应为写的字全部都错。
可是看在我这一辈子只学了几个月的华语,应该写得还好吧?:P





Tuesday, March 08, 2011

丁噹 - 一半 KTV

Dang!
Listening to this song is like having someone peeping while you're changing....

Monday, February 14, 2011

蕭煌奇-阿嬤的話

Bawled my eyes out 30 seconds into this song...
Was gonna share this song via facebook initially but I figure it would
only make things worse, bringing back memories of my late maternal grandma.
And my Mom who's constantly monitoring facebook nowadays will only be more devastated.


A Mah,
I really really really miss you....

蕭煌奇 只能勇敢 - another lesson

Another song for my self-study mandarin lesson:

萧煌奇 - 只能勇敢
作词:姚若龙 作曲/编曲:萧煌奇

从很早就明白 我讨厌孤单
就算是谈情感 有许多麻烦
也还是很向往 爱的人来作伴
太冲动的结果反而一片混乱
更心酸 更孤单

失恋过才明白 相处有多难
谁粗心谁敏感 谁体贴谁独断
谁说出了期盼 谁觉得是批判
当争吵都变成冷战也让情感 被切断

我只能勇敢 学习 释然
把情人的泪还有责备 全部承担
从不习惯 对曾经炽热的爱情
分手就冷淡

我只能勇敢 顺其 自然
谁叫我 对于真爱那么期盼
不想要 关住了自己
安全但却太黑暗

幸福过才明白 要永恒多梦幻
这一秒的美好 下一刻就暗淡
问再多为什么 也不会有答案
但心里很清楚以后有更多无解
的 遗 憾

我只能勇敢 学习 释然
把离别的苦 思念的酸 都看淡
人总要习惯 生命就是一站一站
不断在转换

我只能勇敢 顺其 自然
谁叫我 宁愿浪漫不要平淡
不投入盛大烟火表演
没有危险但也不灿烂

不怕 爱情 苦乐都 极端

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Interesting how some people just have that special touch.
When all it takes is a few words from them for you to put things back in perspective and regain that faith and confidence to face the obstacles in front of you.

God or whoever it is who created me sure is complicated.
He/She/It/ They throw(s) me curve balls while giving me access to my own coach and cheer-leaders, making it very hard to give up.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

All I want for Christmas...

is a hug.

Or a shoulder on loan.
(No, it's not because of the upper back spasm I had recently)

But then of course there will be tons of things I would like to have for New Year's, my birthday, Chinese New Year, Labor Day, and so on and so on...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head...

Interesting how some people just have that special touch.
When all it takes is a few words from them for you to put things back in perspective and regain that faith and confidence to face the obstacles in front of you.

God or whoever it is who created me sure is complicated.
He/She/It/ They throw(s) me curve balls while giving me access to my own coach and cheer-leaders, making it very hard to give up.

With that, I guess I will still be holding on to this personal anthem I have been holding on to since my secondary school days...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It sucks...

... when you feel like committing murder but know you are not capable of it
... when you feel like strangling a person to death and you can't because his or her boss pays for your income
... when you feel like banging a person's head against the wall but you can't because his or her blood runs in you
... when you get shit dumped on you and even though it's not your shit you still have to clear it
... when you get blamed for the shit dumped on you when you are not the one who came up with the shit in the first place
... when you wish you could clone yourself but you can't
... when you wish you could switch off your heart and not care but find that you can't
... when you find that no one bothers to listen to you, even when you scream your heart out
... when you find yourself talking to a wall (no wonder they don't listen... silly me)

Gosh it's Monday again.
Still have to deal with my beloved client "Auntie thousand wind" .... I swear to God there are hundreds of times during my less than 2 months stay here that I was really tempted to tell her to go and "F*** off!!"

O well...
Not as if I had not been thru shit before, rite? Bring it on, auntie! I shall change your name to "Auntie thousand fart" instead.... the earlier name is too pretty for you.

Bring it on! Who's afraid of the big bad fart.
(sorry for the disgusting pseudonym)

Monday, August 16, 2010

When leaving your job feels like breaking up with someone, you know you're in a deep shit.


August is one crazy month.
Nope. Not talking about the weather though it sure has a mind of its own nowadays....




Monday, July 26, 2010

Just another manic monday...

after a very hectic weekend.

My aunt planned an early celebration of grandpa's b'day so my parents were in town. Dad has been in and out a lot recently but Mom only flew in on Saturday. The trip back from the airport stretched one whole day as we made quite a few stops along the way. First it was the famous Ng Ah Sio pork ribs soup for lunch with my aunt who tagged along. Next stop was Funan to shop for my aunt's mobile phone and unsuccessful attempt at scoring a new suitcase for my dad. After that, I dragged them to chinatown with me as I needed to find something there. Evening was spent at yet another aunt's place before we doubled back towards Ang Mo Kio to visit my great-aunt who apparently was recently hospitalized.

Grandpa's b'day lunch took up most of the day on Sunday. It's really quite sad how different things are without my grandma around...

I woke up early on Monday only to realize I had forgotten my "homework". Luckily I managed to calm down and coughed up the framework in about 1 hour's time. And even luckier as my boss was in a meeting the whole morning, so I had time to touch up the thing with more details. In fact, I think she totally forgot about it until after lunch, when I asked to see her for a quick discussion.

I didn't leave office until 7 pm as I wanted to recheck the figures. Lucky I did coz I caught some mistakes. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that I don't leave traces of anything major there.
Was supposed to meet up with a friend and his partner for dinner but sadly found my lancer refusing to cooperate. Dinner had to be rescheduled and I was stuck at the parking lot waiting for help, which cost me about 10% of my basic salary.
Just great...

Operation tight belt on!

Sunday, July 04, 2010

My first nite...

I finally lost my world-cup virginity.
And thanks to Germany, I am $10 richer : )

I tried to arrange for a world-cup outing, but due to lack of experience :P the whole thing almost fell apart with people ready to just go home after we failed to get any table despite combing the Selegie and City Hall area.

In the end, we settled for this bar on 70/F with visuals but no audio. PL managed to get AO to replace AT. However, WE & KH couldn't get in because of the dress code and YK ended up as the only guy who made it.

I think world cup should be most interesting compared to whatever leagues and championships around.
I prefer to see the purer side of sport, where commercial decisions such as club financing comes into play.
Kinda a shame that I only started so late into the competition, but it's always better late than never.

Wonder if I should subscribe to the football channel in August so I can better educate myself  before the next world cup.... :P

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Make a wish today....

It was Friday night. Netherlands vs Brazil was suppose to be on at 10 pm, but I couldn't find anyone to go and lose my world-cup virginity :P 
( I'm hoping the plan for tonight will work out somehow)

Determined to break my pattern of working overtime on Fridays, I decided to drop everything and leave around 6 pm. Whatever it was, it just had to wait. I told myself the world was not going to crumble if I send my report at 10 am on Monday instead of 7 pm on Friday. I have a life and people just have to accept it. 

On my way out I decided to call a friend. I knew she was most likely still at the office. 
Aside from being Capricorns, we do share a lot in common and I was determined to break her pattern too. 
I did manage to get her out of her office and we ended up in Novena area for a "budget" dinner, which turned out to be free for me as she insisted on footing the bill to cover her "taxi" fare. 

My friend asked to go for a round of drinks after that. She had had a rough week and I had nothing to do.
So I brought her to my secret corner on the 70/F -- a place I usually don't share with many people in my futile attempt to keep the place obscure. And she fell in love with the place too.

While my friend downed her first Cape Mentelle Sauvignon Blanc, her third drink for the night, she was lamenting how she was overworked, which was the extreme opposite of her situation less than a year ago, when she had been totally under-utilized and had wished she had more workloads and more important roles to play. Jokingly, I told her that the lesson learnt was clear: Be careful what you wish for.

I shared with her how I am a firm believer of the power of creative visualization.
As a kid, my family was on the weak side financially. Although I am blessed with very good parents who assured me and my brother of sufficient nutrition and healthcare (as evidenced by my size) and equally important education, abundance was not anywhere in sight.
Mom had to wreck her brain to feed 13 people with 1 chicken. The wonderful meals and treats she managed to whip up from time to time reminds me of Jesus with the five loaves of bread and two fish in the bible.
I remember seeing some of the well-to-do families we got to know from the buddhist group our family used to join, and I couldn't help but feel a bit envious. I remember as a kid imagining that one day I would be able to study architecture, study overseas, work overseas and drive a car (Our family of four had to rely on my dad's scooter then and I thought female drivers looked damn cool then). I wished so hard for it, I remember I managed to conjure up very clear images whenever I closed my eyes.

Dreaming was my hobby as a child.

Dream. So you can achieve.
Ask. So you will be given.
Fight. So you can win.

My Mom had taught me the above at a very young age.
I probably have written about this somewhere in this blog but I still feel like sharing the story.

There was no nursery in my Dad's hometown, where I  stayed with grandparents when my parents moved to Jakarta. When my brother started kindergarten there, there was nothing available for the 2.5 years old me. My grandparents who doted on me so much couldn't bear to see me sad & upset (read: throw tantrums) when I didn't have anyone to play with. They begged the principals to just let me wear the uniforms and hang out in class. They promised that I would behave myself and would not disrupt the class, which I did deliver.

When my brother and I were finally sent to Jakarta to join my parents, the school refused to acknowledge my kindergarten certificate as I was too young. I had to go back to year 1. Everyday after school, I would complain to my mom that school was boring as they kept telling us to draw lines and circles. Instead of taking it on herself, my mom threw the ball to me: "If you want to, you can ask the teacher to move you up to Year 2. You can then learn more interesting things there."

"But how do I do that? What do I say to the teacher?" I asked.
She then taught me a one-liner that I memorized and practiced a few times in front of her.
With a twisted feeling in my stomach, every morning for the next one whole week, I would run up to the teacher's desk before class started every morning and recite that one liner, before immediately turning away and running back to my seat.

Puzzled, the teacher finally asked to see my mom after that one week.
Thanks to my mom's bargaining skills, I got what I wanted.

It's probably one of the earliest lessons in life that Mom has taught me.
While I have not managed to fully implement it, there have quite a few occasions in which I have done so, in my school years as well as my work life:

Ask.
You might just get your wish.
And when you don't, ask again.
Fight.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Just going thru a relapse

(Lagi kumat aja mellow-nya.... Pls excuse me)


Kadangkala aku bertanya
dimana cinta berada
tersembunyi tiada kunjung menghampiri

Dua angsa memadu rindu
di danau biru bercumbu
pagut sepi ku di sini
letih hati

Begitu jauh
waktu ku tempuh
sendiri mengayuh
biduk kecil, hampa berlayar
akankah berlabuh ?
hanya diam
menjawab kerisauan

Kadangkala aku berkhayal
seorang di ujung sana
juga tengah menanti
tiba saatnya

Begitu ingin
berbagi batin
mengarungi hari
yang berwarna
dimana dia
pasangan jiwaku ?
ku mengejar bayangan
kian menghilang


- Pasangan Jiwa (Katon Bagaskara)-


Klakustik-Tak Bisa Ke Lain Hati

Part of the music I grew up with...

Saturday, June 19, 2010

A nite with Geoffrey Archer

Actually really wanted to go out to beerfest today. Thought that would be fun but couldn't get anyone to go with me. I think it'd be bloody boring to go by myself.

I do have an invitation from a friend to join him and his friends for a world cup session, but considering my level of understanding of the game, I was worried that I'd just end up annoying them with my questions. Anyway considering I just had wine last nite with some of the girls from NUS, I have decided it maybe a good idea to cut down on alcohol and give it a pass.

For one thing, I am starting to see alcohol as really expensive additional calories... Not that I don't enjoy it but I suppose I really need to start cutting down as much as I can both on cost and calories. 4Cs should be my motto from now on: Cut Cost, Cut Calories :P

So... I guess tonight it's just me, Geoffrey Archer's Lucifer Network and perhaps some Jason Mraz in between.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Julia Fordham - Happy Ever After

Don't ask me why....
This tune just started buzzing in my head a few days ago....

I would hear this song once in a while, here and there... but I never knew the title.
Never one to memorize titles and lyrics to start with.

And I struggled before finally finding this on youtube. Somehow the buzzing sound in my head had been a guy... guess I was wrong :P

I love female singers with sexy, husky vocals.

Gosh I am really nervous. Not really quite sure how to face the holy trinity when I come forward with my plan. God help me....

Repeat note to self: Cool as cucumber. Cool as cucumber. Cool as cucumber....

Monday, June 14, 2010

August 2010

I have just realized I stopped working out after grandma passed away.

Just the other day someone asked why I stopped going to the gym.
I couldn't remember clearly why. Maybe subconsciously I tried my best to wipe out my life around that time.Well, but then again maybe I just have selective short-term memory span.

I did pick up swimming though. I did learn to swim though only breast stroke.
I have not managed to do proper front crawl before my trainer moved to Dubai for work.
Lost the momentum and have not gone back to it ever since.

August 2010.
I promise.
I will be back.