Bought two books and a japanese restaurant guide (don't ask me why) after work today.
I think I need to phase out and recover after yesterday's triple whammy.
I hope 2009 is bottoming out for me....coz I don't think I can handle what's on my plate now as it is....
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I'm tired ...
I have never felt more useless and weaker than today.
It feels as if the world is caving in on me and there is nothing I can do....
Can't help but remember how I used to occasionally think my life was too good to be true, that something was gonna go haywire on me.
Right now, it definitely doesn't feel good to be right.
It feels as if the world is caving in on me and there is nothing I can do....
Can't help but remember how I used to occasionally think my life was too good to be true, that something was gonna go haywire on me.
Right now, it definitely doesn't feel good to be right.
Monday, June 22, 2009
12 June 2009
Friday, 12 June 2009 was one of the darkest days in my family, when I lost my beloved grandmother. While I don't see the point in a further investigation to pursue legal action, as nothing will bring her back, I hope by sharing my family's experience, I can raise some awareness on patient's rights. Even if only one family is saved from having to go through what my grandmother had to go through, it is definitely more than worth it:
After my grandmother was admitted to the A&E ward sometime between 7 & 8 am that Friday morning, the doctor in charge of her case came out to explain that they suspected either heart attack or internal bleeding in the digestive system. However, an endoscopy to be confirm the latter had to wait until her BP, recorded as low as 67 by the medics who responded to our 995 call, stabilizes at a normal level. We had to wait outside the ward without any access to her as we were told only patients were allowed inside. By 11 am, we were told she was responding to the fluids they were giving her and her BP was slowly climbing up and that she was still weak but in stable condition. Around 3 pm, while I went away to grab lunch, my aunt was instructed to wait at a lift lobby by the main block as they were going to transfer my grandmother to the endoscopy centre, and we could not enter the A&E ward which had a short cut. Interpreting that as a sign that finally she was stable and strong enough to go through the endoscopy, I was very relieved and rushed to catch up with my aunt at the particular lift lobby on the 2nd floor, where my aunt was told to wait.
After a few minutes, I grew anxious and decided to ask around as there was no sign of my grandmother nor any signage leading to endoscopy centre where we were waiting. At the advise of a staff there, I rushed back to A&E, only to be told that my grandmother was still inside A&E ward. I was told to be on standby outside the ward and that the doctor will come and explain my grandmother's conditions as well as get our consent form before they could transfer her to the endoscopy centre. Just as I was going to pick up my mobile phone to contact my aunt, I received an sms from a cousin who bumped into my grandmother at the ********** Wing, all the way at the other end of the hospital, where the endoscopy centre is. I immediately confronted the A&E staff who subsequently apologized and confirmed that my grandmother was already on her way to the endoscopy centre.
In the end, we did not proceed with the endoscopy. While my aunt managed to convince my grandmother to proceed with the procedure, despite her initial reluctance, the doctor advised them that she was in good enough condition to be warded first for observation for the night, and that the endoscopy could be done the following day. The whole trip from one end of the hospital to the other was wasted and my grandmother was sent back to A&E as they claimed the bed in the regular ward was not ready for her.
Back at the A&E ward, when we complained to the doctor in charge of my grandmother's case, she explained that there was some confusion because the endoscopist did not follow standard procedure whereby he/she was supposed to go to A&E ward to personally check on my grandmother's condition, discuss her condition with us and getting our consent before actually proceeding with the transfer (Note: The reason given was that the doctor was too busy at the endoscopy centre). Instead, the endoscopist had instructed for my grandmother to be transferred first and for the discussion as well as consent to be done at the endoscopy centre, which was at the ********** Wing, at the other end of the hospital from where the A&E ward is. On hindsight, I still feel strongly that the doctor should not have transferred any patient with potential internal bleeding without first checking whether or not he / she is stable enough to be moved around.
When we checked on her condition with the doctor at A&E, we were told that she was doing well enough even to be eating porridge (Again, on hindsight I keep blaming myself for not asking: Potential internal bleeding in the digestive system vs porridge?). At the moment, relieved to hear that, we decided to take a break and grab a bite at the the food court. Around 5.30 pm we received a phone call on my aunt's mobile that my grandmother was being transferred to Ward 78 bed 9 and that we could see her there. We rushed there only to find bed 9 empty. When my aunt called to check with the A&E ward, they said that she was on her way. Standing outside the room, it was that time when I heard a nurse yelling "Code Blue" behind the drawn curtain of bed 10. We decided to step aside to make way for the nurses and doctors who rushed in. We were calmly waiting by the nurses' counter, not realizing that it was my grandmother in bed 10 until a doctor stepped out of the room a few minutes later and asked for relatives of my grandmother's. She told us she was in critical condition and she asked if anyone of us knew what happened that morning and what she was admitted for.
I could not believe my own ears ( I still don't) that the doctors at the ward had no record of my grandmother's condition.
Within less than an hour after that, we lost her.
Our only consolation is that we managed to get my grandfather by her bedside during her last moments.
I understand later from one of the nurses that when she received my grandmother in the ward, she was already in non-responsive condition. No info was available on her condition from A&E, except from an earlier phone call informing a transfer of a patient with potential internal bleeding case. As this is the first time ever she had received a patient in non-responsive condition, she decided to call the police, who later came to take her away. Believing that she could still hear and feel pain, we made the decision to insist on no autopsy. I suppose the decision also means we will have to live the rest of our lives without knowing for sure what really caused her death. The death certificate stated "hypertensive heart attack". I can't help but wonder if a case of mishandling by the hospital should have been added in. I just wish the doctor could have checked my grandmother's condition personally before instructing for the transfer.
I just hope there's a way we can make sure patients and their families are aware of their rights in the public healthcare system, and hopefully noone else will end up where my family is today. Maybe something within the line of how the Miranda rights still has to be cited in US in every single arrest the police makes. Maybe a prominent notice by the entrance? I don't know....
After my grandmother was admitted to the A&E ward sometime between 7 & 8 am that Friday morning, the doctor in charge of her case came out to explain that they suspected either heart attack or internal bleeding in the digestive system. However, an endoscopy to be confirm the latter had to wait until her BP, recorded as low as 67 by the medics who responded to our 995 call, stabilizes at a normal level. We had to wait outside the ward without any access to her as we were told only patients were allowed inside. By 11 am, we were told she was responding to the fluids they were giving her and her BP was slowly climbing up and that she was still weak but in stable condition. Around 3 pm, while I went away to grab lunch, my aunt was instructed to wait at a lift lobby by the main block as they were going to transfer my grandmother to the endoscopy centre, and we could not enter the A&E ward which had a short cut. Interpreting that as a sign that finally she was stable and strong enough to go through the endoscopy, I was very relieved and rushed to catch up with my aunt at the particular lift lobby on the 2nd floor, where my aunt was told to wait.
After a few minutes, I grew anxious and decided to ask around as there was no sign of my grandmother nor any signage leading to endoscopy centre where we were waiting. At the advise of a staff there, I rushed back to A&E, only to be told that my grandmother was still inside A&E ward. I was told to be on standby outside the ward and that the doctor will come and explain my grandmother's conditions as well as get our consent form before they could transfer her to the endoscopy centre. Just as I was going to pick up my mobile phone to contact my aunt, I received an sms from a cousin who bumped into my grandmother at the ********** Wing, all the way at the other end of the hospital, where the endoscopy centre is. I immediately confronted the A&E staff who subsequently apologized and confirmed that my grandmother was already on her way to the endoscopy centre.
In the end, we did not proceed with the endoscopy. While my aunt managed to convince my grandmother to proceed with the procedure, despite her initial reluctance, the doctor advised them that she was in good enough condition to be warded first for observation for the night, and that the endoscopy could be done the following day. The whole trip from one end of the hospital to the other was wasted and my grandmother was sent back to A&E as they claimed the bed in the regular ward was not ready for her.
Back at the A&E ward, when we complained to the doctor in charge of my grandmother's case, she explained that there was some confusion because the endoscopist did not follow standard procedure whereby he/she was supposed to go to A&E ward to personally check on my grandmother's condition, discuss her condition with us and getting our consent before actually proceeding with the transfer (Note: The reason given was that the doctor was too busy at the endoscopy centre). Instead, the endoscopist had instructed for my grandmother to be transferred first and for the discussion as well as consent to be done at the endoscopy centre, which was at the ********** Wing, at the other end of the hospital from where the A&E ward is. On hindsight, I still feel strongly that the doctor should not have transferred any patient with potential internal bleeding without first checking whether or not he / she is stable enough to be moved around.
When we checked on her condition with the doctor at A&E, we were told that she was doing well enough even to be eating porridge (Again, on hindsight I keep blaming myself for not asking: Potential internal bleeding in the digestive system vs porridge?). At the moment, relieved to hear that, we decided to take a break and grab a bite at the the food court. Around 5.30 pm we received a phone call on my aunt's mobile that my grandmother was being transferred to Ward 78 bed 9 and that we could see her there. We rushed there only to find bed 9 empty. When my aunt called to check with the A&E ward, they said that she was on her way. Standing outside the room, it was that time when I heard a nurse yelling "Code Blue" behind the drawn curtain of bed 10. We decided to step aside to make way for the nurses and doctors who rushed in. We were calmly waiting by the nurses' counter, not realizing that it was my grandmother in bed 10 until a doctor stepped out of the room a few minutes later and asked for relatives of my grandmother's. She told us she was in critical condition and she asked if anyone of us knew what happened that morning and what she was admitted for.
I could not believe my own ears ( I still don't) that the doctors at the ward had no record of my grandmother's condition.
Within less than an hour after that, we lost her.
Our only consolation is that we managed to get my grandfather by her bedside during her last moments.
I understand later from one of the nurses that when she received my grandmother in the ward, she was already in non-responsive condition. No info was available on her condition from A&E, except from an earlier phone call informing a transfer of a patient with potential internal bleeding case. As this is the first time ever she had received a patient in non-responsive condition, she decided to call the police, who later came to take her away. Believing that she could still hear and feel pain, we made the decision to insist on no autopsy. I suppose the decision also means we will have to live the rest of our lives without knowing for sure what really caused her death. The death certificate stated "hypertensive heart attack". I can't help but wonder if a case of mishandling by the hospital should have been added in. I just wish the doctor could have checked my grandmother's condition personally before instructing for the transfer.
I just hope there's a way we can make sure patients and their families are aware of their rights in the public healthcare system, and hopefully noone else will end up where my family is today. Maybe something within the line of how the Miranda rights still has to be cited in US in every single arrest the police makes. Maybe a prominent notice by the entrance? I don't know....
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Down again.....
I'm down again...
Two flu attacks in two weeks!
So pissed off at myself.... No kick-boxing and no swimming...
Two flu attacks in two weeks!
So pissed off at myself.... No kick-boxing and no swimming...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
You need to work on it, girl-in-denial....
I was home over last weekend to attend one of my best friends' wedding.
Spent most of it at home and did nothing special. Not even a mani/pedi session.
I reached there Saturday afternoon and Mom picked us up (Dad was on another flight about half an hour before mine).
Sunday morning, Mom dropped by bro's place to pass me some of my fave local goodies for breakfast. As she was on her way out, out of nowhere, she went, "You'd better get your act together lah... Hurry up and find someone you can quarrel with.. otherwise you will one day wake up and find yourself feeling lonely."
Gosh... While I was stuffing myself silly, the stuff in my mouth was not what made me speechless. Mom has been quite aggressive in her 'campaign' the past few months, but never this approach. Never this angle....
And my food tasted a bit bland after that.... (but only for a few seconds though :P)
Before my bro sent me to the airport on Monday, I called mom -- who was at work -- to say good-bye. Again she made sure the conversation ended with her reminder: "Don't forget, chocoholic... u need to work on it."
A friend commented that I was also in denial, when I mentioned another person may be in denial. If that is true, I suppose now that that person has opened up, that leaves me as the only one being in denial?
Spent most of it at home and did nothing special. Not even a mani/pedi session.
I reached there Saturday afternoon and Mom picked us up (Dad was on another flight about half an hour before mine).
Sunday morning, Mom dropped by bro's place to pass me some of my fave local goodies for breakfast. As she was on her way out, out of nowhere, she went, "You'd better get your act together lah... Hurry up and find someone you can quarrel with.. otherwise you will one day wake up and find yourself feeling lonely."
Gosh... While I was stuffing myself silly, the stuff in my mouth was not what made me speechless. Mom has been quite aggressive in her 'campaign' the past few months, but never this approach. Never this angle....
And my food tasted a bit bland after that.... (but only for a few seconds though :P)
Before my bro sent me to the airport on Monday, I called mom -- who was at work -- to say good-bye. Again she made sure the conversation ended with her reminder: "Don't forget, chocoholic... u need to work on it."
A friend commented that I was also in denial, when I mentioned another person may be in denial. If that is true, I suppose now that that person has opened up, that leaves me as the only one being in denial?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Grandpa turned my day around...
The day was a really rough one today... so much that I really don't feel like talking about it.
But things slowly turned around close to the end... with a good kick-fit session when I got to punch instead of being the punch bag.
To top it off, the highlight of the day was when Grandpa came out of his room close to 11 pm as he was having problem sleeping.
He threw himself on the couch, the way he usually does because of his weak knees, and suddenly started sharing this dream he just had: He was fighting with a younger schoolmate. Eager to jog his memory, I asked him all sorts of questions I could think of relating to the dream. Before long, he was sharing me about his childhood, how he spent some time studying here in Singapore, before the Japan occupation.
While he talked, I had to fight tears that were ready to roll down my cheeks.
I couldn't help thinking and wishing just now I can have more opportunities like this... when he's fully alert and sharp. Less of his senile dementia symptoms and more of these miscellanous stories of how he managed to be in the top three in the class despite failing English, which he had never been exposed to and could never pick up no matter how hard he tried. How he bravely grabbed hold of strangers' hands to gain free access to the Great World at River Valley on those free weekends when they get to leave the dorm for leisure activities. How he had to move out of his school into a cleaned up chicken coop when Japanese troops came.
Then Grandma came, and ended our chat, insisting that Grandpa was bugging me and telling him to go to sleep instead. Grandpa obediently went back to their room, after making a stop first at the bathroom, as suggested by Grandma.
Thanks for turning my day around, Grandpa.
I remember our conversation a while back in the car, when I had to send you to meet dad to see this one chinese physician.
There were only two of us in the car, and you suddenly blurted: " I dunno what's happening with my brain. It's really weak... I have so much problem remembering and recalling things.... I'm really behind your grandma."
I laughed and told him I was having the same problem, and that I was very much younger than her.
He shook his head and replied:" I think I over-used it when I was young and now it's run out of battery."
I agreed:" Yea... I think I over-used it in school too..."
And we both laughed.
I will forever remember this conversation, Grandpa.
But things slowly turned around close to the end... with a good kick-fit session when I got to punch instead of being the punch bag.
To top it off, the highlight of the day was when Grandpa came out of his room close to 11 pm as he was having problem sleeping.
He threw himself on the couch, the way he usually does because of his weak knees, and suddenly started sharing this dream he just had: He was fighting with a younger schoolmate. Eager to jog his memory, I asked him all sorts of questions I could think of relating to the dream. Before long, he was sharing me about his childhood, how he spent some time studying here in Singapore, before the Japan occupation.
While he talked, I had to fight tears that were ready to roll down my cheeks.
I couldn't help thinking and wishing just now I can have more opportunities like this... when he's fully alert and sharp. Less of his senile dementia symptoms and more of these miscellanous stories of how he managed to be in the top three in the class despite failing English, which he had never been exposed to and could never pick up no matter how hard he tried. How he bravely grabbed hold of strangers' hands to gain free access to the Great World at River Valley on those free weekends when they get to leave the dorm for leisure activities. How he had to move out of his school into a cleaned up chicken coop when Japanese troops came.
Then Grandma came, and ended our chat, insisting that Grandpa was bugging me and telling him to go to sleep instead. Grandpa obediently went back to their room, after making a stop first at the bathroom, as suggested by Grandma.
Thanks for turning my day around, Grandpa.
I remember our conversation a while back in the car, when I had to send you to meet dad to see this one chinese physician.
There were only two of us in the car, and you suddenly blurted: " I dunno what's happening with my brain. It's really weak... I have so much problem remembering and recalling things.... I'm really behind your grandma."
I laughed and told him I was having the same problem, and that I was very much younger than her.
He shook his head and replied:" I think I over-used it when I was young and now it's run out of battery."
I agreed:" Yea... I think I over-used it in school too..."
And we both laughed.
I will forever remember this conversation, Grandpa.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The past 3 days have been very interesting.
After a high-intensity Thursday at work, I went out for KTV with the Investment babes plus KF from Valuation. Dang!These chicks can really sing! They also threw in a surprise for me, bringing in a really yummy b'day cake for me halfway thru the ktv session, just after the (fake) sharks' fin at the $10 KTV. I would've loved to stay longer but I was concerned about my car which was parked at the other end of Chinatown, so I had to leave early. All in all, it was a good one.
Then yesterday, I had my very first encounter with the ugliest side of my job.
While the fight is still not over and I have a feeling the worst is yet to come, the nasty experience however also gave me the chance to experience first-hand the difference of being led by a real leader.
When I got attacked, one of my bosses, whom we sometimes lovingly refer to as the Power Puff Girls, not only backed me up but took charge and whacked people left, right, front and back. On hindsight, it was kinda funny actually to see her "charge" all the way to protect me, in the rather angelic off-white outfit she was wearing yesterday.
I was very nervous at first when this problem popped up, not exactly because I was afraid of the other party as I was actually quite prepared to charge. I was more nervous because I was not sure I would get my bosses' support.
Honestly though, I can hardly recall any other time I have ever felt so protected at work.
While I am not sure how long I will get to enjoy this support and protection, I am greatful enough for yesterday. Regardless of this thing will turn out in the end (especially with another nasty confrontative email just in about an hour ago), I have learnt a very important lesson in leadership. To learn from my Power Puff Bosses was along the objective I have in mind when I chose to join this supposedly very "xiong" department, as an ex-colleague described, and yesterday only strenghened my belief that I made the right decision.
One of my Ds told me that it's a good place although there are lots of ups and downs, and some people don't survive ( I think she was referring to the recent departure of an ex-colleague). I told her, even if I don't survive, I am happy enough to have braved the choppy water and picked up the valuable lessons.
Anyway, after a really tough day, the evening was spent with some very sweet ex-colleagues who have been my support network here in this city. I am a very, very lucky girl to have come across such sweet people everywhere I go. Seriously... I wonder how one can be so lucky....
After a high-intensity Thursday at work, I went out for KTV with the Investment babes plus KF from Valuation. Dang!These chicks can really sing! They also threw in a surprise for me, bringing in a really yummy b'day cake for me halfway thru the ktv session, just after the (fake) sharks' fin at the $10 KTV. I would've loved to stay longer but I was concerned about my car which was parked at the other end of Chinatown, so I had to leave early. All in all, it was a good one.
Then yesterday, I had my very first encounter with the ugliest side of my job.
While the fight is still not over and I have a feeling the worst is yet to come, the nasty experience however also gave me the chance to experience first-hand the difference of being led by a real leader.
When I got attacked, one of my bosses, whom we sometimes lovingly refer to as the Power Puff Girls, not only backed me up but took charge and whacked people left, right, front and back. On hindsight, it was kinda funny actually to see her "charge" all the way to protect me, in the rather angelic off-white outfit she was wearing yesterday.
I was very nervous at first when this problem popped up, not exactly because I was afraid of the other party as I was actually quite prepared to charge. I was more nervous because I was not sure I would get my bosses' support.
Honestly though, I can hardly recall any other time I have ever felt so protected at work.
While I am not sure how long I will get to enjoy this support and protection, I am greatful enough for yesterday. Regardless of this thing will turn out in the end (especially with another nasty confrontative email just in about an hour ago), I have learnt a very important lesson in leadership. To learn from my Power Puff Bosses was along the objective I have in mind when I chose to join this supposedly very "xiong" department, as an ex-colleague described, and yesterday only strenghened my belief that I made the right decision.
One of my Ds told me that it's a good place although there are lots of ups and downs, and some people don't survive ( I think she was referring to the recent departure of an ex-colleague). I told her, even if I don't survive, I am happy enough to have braved the choppy water and picked up the valuable lessons.
Anyway, after a really tough day, the evening was spent with some very sweet ex-colleagues who have been my support network here in this city. I am a very, very lucky girl to have come across such sweet people everywhere I go. Seriously... I wonder how one can be so lucky....
Friday, January 09, 2009
I'm blogging standing up at one of those free internet access points in Changi.
Never done this before but totally dead bored coz I forgot to pack a reading material.
It was a very last minute decision to go back for a wedding back home.
Only booked the ticket during lunch time yesterday and swung by to pick it up on my way back to office after a site inspection.
I'm so looking forward to seeing Bule again. Can't even remember the last time I saw her.
Organized a gathering last nite for my classmates and was quite happy with the turnout.
The first session at the Wine Co @ Evans Rd was extended to the prata joint next door,with Iggy treating us to teh halia, teh tarik and milo dinosaur.
It was so great catching up that we didn't realize it was already well past 11 pm. I really wish we could do this more often.
One of the constant comment I got from those I haven't seen for a while was:
"What happened to you? Where's your American accent? "
Sigh....
Never done this before but totally dead bored coz I forgot to pack a reading material.
It was a very last minute decision to go back for a wedding back home.
Only booked the ticket during lunch time yesterday and swung by to pick it up on my way back to office after a site inspection.
I'm so looking forward to seeing Bule again. Can't even remember the last time I saw her.
Organized a gathering last nite for my classmates and was quite happy with the turnout.
The first session at the Wine Co @ Evans Rd was extended to the prata joint next door,with Iggy treating us to teh halia, teh tarik and milo dinosaur.
It was so great catching up that we didn't realize it was already well past 11 pm. I really wish we could do this more often.
One of the constant comment I got from those I haven't seen for a while was:
"What happened to you? Where's your American accent? "
Sigh....
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