leave me alone

It sucks when you think someone's avoiding you, regardless of whether or not that person is really doing so.
Although in this case, I'm almost 99% sure that person is really avoiding me.

And if that's true, what's annoying me is that it wasn't even my fault, since I know exactly what the cause is.
I didn't have anything to do with it!!!!
It really wasn't me......

Anyway, on the other hand I guess it is a rather effective way of putting an end to all this nonsense.

As much as I know how impossible it is, I just wish those over-zealous people (as HB put it)would leave me alone after all this brouhaha.
I just feel like sitting in my dark corner and dwell in this unbelievably miserable feeling.

Just leave me alone.

Hooked

Thanks to channel 255, I'm hooked....

None of the endless crying and sobbing typical of Korean dramas, this one has way more hilarious moments than anything else. Just a dash of some touching scenes here and there. And when they do have sad scenes, they're never too lengthy, which is something I definitely like.
But then again, I've only seen 6 out of 16 episodes.
So far though, I'm liking it so much I'm having a hard time figuring out whether or not Full House is the only Korean drama I can enjoy.

I missed the first episode coz I really wasn't planning on watching the show. I had come up with a strategy for watching K-drama, which is to have my relatives or friends watch everything and only watch any of those that they say are funny. In other words, I only watch one show: Full House.

Out of boredom though, I caught the second episode of this show. I was skeptic at first but decided to give it a chance as I wasn't sure where it was heading. I figured the show is different from the rest when they got to the scene at the hospital when Gong-chan thought his grandpa had died. That was quite funny and that was really the turning point for me. My favorite scene so far though was when the lead actress dressed up in a super-chicken mascot costume (cape and all) and took revenge for her father.
Damn hilarious!!! Can't wait for next weekend.

Still got no resolutions

After my trainer stood me up yesterday, I went for a girl-power lunch with HB yesterday. Initially, we wanted to go to this French restaurant for dinner but decided to do lunch instead to make sure we still have some cash to last us till the end of the year. It was a really good pow-wow with really good food served in very xiao-jie servings, as HB put it.

I ran out of memory on my phone so couldn't take any pictures of the yummy stuff. It was a 3-course lunch andHB started taking pictures of the appetizers but I think by the time we finished it, we completely forgot about it.

I'm (very) slowly getting acquainted with the nice places in town, thanks to my nice classmates (just the nice ones... :P).
It's a bit sad though, when I think of the possibility that I might have to leave pretty soon just as I'm getting more acquainted with the place, and most importantly, the people.
I guess it's the same old story all over again.

Anyway, I DID MY LAUNDRY TODAY!!!!
It's quite a risky move considering I'm 3 databases and 3 case studies behind.
(Somehow I can hear my brother's voice from our recent phone conversation: You haven't changed that much, have you?)

Speaking of my brother, he called me long distance this morning, only to find out how to say "Finally" in Mandarin.
I suppose he's making good money to be able to afford such an expensive translation service, huh? And not even a reliable one at that.

Although I was already scouring the saturday's Paper of Hope (a.k.a. Recruit section, which was so terribly disappointing today -- which I suppose should've been obvious before I ran downstairs to get them as most people are still enjoying their holidays), I was still in a blurry mode. It wasn't until much later that I found myself a tad impressed with how I could answer it quite promptly without having to check my dictionary.

This only reminds me of my plan a few months ago: To pick-up where I (was) left in my mandarin lessons next year! I suppose this must go to my new year's resolution then.

Anyway, I've been on and off my emo mode the past week or so, so just ignore me when I start to gripe and whine. And what a perfect song I was listening to (I LUUURRRRVVE this musical so much I promised myself I would go again if it ever comes to town):

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

- Idina Menzel, Wicked-the musical -

Indecent exposure

I'm trying really hard to stay on my program, which means I have to physically drag my butt to the gym three times a week.
As a result, I'm really bugged by this one issue I've always had with ladies in the changing/locker room.

Why the heck do I have to be exposed to all these exhibitionist ladies who walk around in their underwears, or worse, in their bare skin.
I mean I don't care if it's Jessica Alba or Carmen Electra, or if John Mayer thinks it's a wonderland, I don't think it's right for these ladies to force me to put up with this.

So OK.... say they have really hot bodies. Some guys might love it but hey, for all I know, I might just get too traumatized and too self-conscious after the shock to even step out of my door anymore. Can you imagine? What a poor thing... can't even go to work (yea... rite).

Seriously, can't I sue anyone for indecent exposure?
Isn't it illegal for someone to flash his/her private parts in public, non nudity-designated areas? I mean, I for sure did not see a warning-you-are-entering-a-nudist-camp sign at the entrance. So why should I have to put up with all this?

I remember bringing this up to someone a few years back and this friend was trying to reason with me, reminding me that it is a ladies locker/changing room after all. Girls feeling comfortable changing in front of girls... that kinda thing.

However, I don't think some sort of comfort zone from being surrounded by the same gender is the issue here. I think it's simply a matter of courtesy and being considerate towards others.
Just because you feel that the provided cubicles less than 6 metres away are too far, that you'd rather save your energy to torture yourself on the cross-trainer, should not mean that I have to put up with all these boob-flashing (and potentially more).

I'm just a tad upset.

Stop the freakin' train

I have no idea when John Mayer's Continuum was released coz there was quite a long period of time until recently that I wasn't keeping up with the latest pop music.
So I got all excited when I stumbled upon the album while browsing around at the music corner of a local bookstore.

I'm loving it! The whole grown-up John Mayer thing. The lyrics, the music, everything!
I'm not sure how to describe it but somehow the whole album can really "cool" me down. It's now a current staple when I drive.
2.5 days and still going....

So scared of gettin' older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
to find a way to say that
life has just begun
- Stop the Train (John Mayer) -

Wet laundry

My roomie was complaining about doing laundry, and I couldn't help but smile reading her blog, coz I remember that she was the "better" one in this area when we used to share an apartment.
All I can say is, as much as I'm impressed at how she's turned the other way around, I am afraid I can quite confidently say that I still outdo her record.

Anyway, those who really know me would know that I am the biggest fan of cool, super gloomy, overcast days. Simply for the cool air and nothing else.
It never crossed my mind that I would one day beg for the sun to show up (at least just a bit), but surprisingly it has happened today.
The reason?

What else but the freakin' laundry?
My gosh! What do I have to do to get my freakin' underwears dry?????!?!
OK, I know I'm gonna regret posting this since I really don't feel comfortable talking about underwears and all (in public)... but what can I say? It does get to you a bit when, after like a whole 7-day week of non-stop rain, none of your "intimate apparel" can hang to dry, ok??!??!?

I really miss the 24-hr laundry room in my old apartment, but then again, I guess it won't solve the problem since I have definitely learned my lesson that some stuff are just not machine-washable.Period.

Ona side note, you know there's a mismatch between your actual and "musical" age, when you can't get Justin Timberlake's My Love out of your head. And to make things worse, you can't even stop yourself from sitting in a daze in front of the TV whenever you accidentally see the video on MTV while flipping channels.
I'm doomed!!! DOOMED, I tell ya!

OH WHAT A DAY!!!

Yipadeedoodah! Zipadeedoodah!
What a beautiful, overcast day today!

The results are out and I cleared them all! Both my classes that is.... And I actually did quite ok!
Much better than I thought. What makes me even happier is the fact that my buddy, Mr. Bunny, my most dependeable and loyal partner-in-crime also got the same results as me!

So the heck with those people who claim that the only reason I can get a good grade is because of the work I'm supposed to be doing for the lecturer.
It's our sweat, tears and blood, ok? We busted our ass off doing our group projects.
(You're right, Mr. Bunny.... what do they know? And why should I care what they think? .... Well, I did kinda care a bit... but now, the heck with'em!)

Gosh..... I'm so happy!
At least my nightmare didn't come true. I've officially seen the last of my school days.... !

YIPEE!!!!

Going back to my delusional mode:

Suddenly in between the panadol - colds I've been chugging for this damn flu that won't go away, something crossed my mind:

Is it possible that there has always been that one image at the back of my mind all along?
Could it be the reason why nothing else seems to be right?
Have this delusional state of mind has been going on for most of the past decade?

If that's the case, then boy,... am I screwed up!

Then again, I can always blame this holidays' blues.New year's resolution: To bounce back from this delusional mode.

(de·lu·sion·al)

From wikipedia:

A delusion is commonly defined as a false belief, and is used in everyday language to describe a belief that is either false, fanciful or derived from deception. In psychiatry, the definition is necessarily more precise and implies that the belief is pathological (the result of an illness or illness process).

Couldn't think of any better word to describe what's going on in my head right now.

A lightbulb moment

Out of nowhere, this afternoon, a lightbulb just lit up in my head.
So now aside from the tons of things on my wish-to-do list that I haven't achieved,
a new item has just popped up.

......
*drumroll*
......

I wish to write a book.

I don't mean that I want to be a published author of any sort. I think I am already close to maxing out on the amount of rejection I can handle.
Just a book. A very short one will do.
It doesn't matter if it turns out crappy. Or sappy. Or cheesy. Or ridiculous.
It doesn't matter if it's all nonsensical nonsense.
It doesn't matter if I'm the only person to read it. Ever.

I remember cooking up stories in my head as a kid. I remember starting something but then throwing it away as I was dead sure that my mom would scold me as she would definitely have seen it as a waste of time, when I should have been studying instead.
I remember a good friend in high school suggesting that I should try writing scripts for TV or something, simply because of the crazy plots in the nightmares and silly dreams that I shared with her.

I don't know what got into me this afternoon.
Maybe it's just my brain suggesting an idea to fill this void.

lol

Yup.
To write a book.
Rephrase that:
To write a book that nobody reads.
Somehow this sounds better to me. It reminds me of this particular dancer turned singer turned actress turned mrs. movie director. If she can do it, why can't I?

If my mom had a wishlist for Christmas, or New Year's, or even her next birthday (which is almost a year away), I suspect I know one potentially major item on the top of the list.
Unfortunately, as much as I try to be a good daughter, there's very little I can do to help her get this wish. This despite the fact that I could literally see the picture of it in front of me.

What can I say, ... life just doesn't work out that way. You can't always (or in my case, you simply don't) get what you want.

On the bright side, I did clear up the misunderstanding before I left... well at least on my end.
At least now I know my mom's not that nutty after all (to be putting me in such an embarassing spot), though now she's pressuring me to clarify with the other end that the message did not come from her.
Honestly I really just want to get it over with, but I really don't know how to do it without making it seems like such a big deal.

It's raining.... projects

Today is almost surreal. My final FINAL.
I know I must have experienced this feeling before, considering I have completed other degree programs before but somehow it feels a bit more intense now.
Maybe it's just been an intense 1.5 year but then again maybe it's just me getting older and less able to handle it mentally as the previous times.

Honestly though, if not for the fact that my "boss" has just showered me with additional projects , I think I would have gone ahead with the idea that crossed my mind this afternoon: french classes/mandarin classes/photography classes. Anything that will make sure at least I get to talk and interact with people.
(I suspect my roomie will want to whack my head and tell me to snap out of it when she sees this.)

Anyway I suppose decision time is stretched to Chinese New Year now.
I hope I find something by then coz otherwise it's "Adios, amigos!" for me.