The hardest promise ever....

The hardest promise I have ever made is the one I made to myself, for myself to take better care and be nicer to myself. I have learnt from young age that except for my endurance in wearing high heels (which I am very sure I will regret very soon for health reasons), balancing is not exactly my forte. But persistence (or stubbornness) is definitely my forte. So I have decided not to give up trying. When one fails, you just have to pick yourself up and start all over again. My mid-year resolution is therefore: A more balanced lifestyle, incorporating at least 2 of the following by 31 dec 2012: 1) Consistent working hours involving less than 2 days/week of overtime in excess of 1 hr at the office; 2) 10 laps of proper front crawl at least 3 times/week; 3) Mandarin - 1000 characters; 4) Japanese - basic conversation; 5) French - basic conversation; 6) 5 successful baking experiments;or 7) -12 on the bathroom scale So, yes... tomorrow will be yet another new day. I am going to myself another chance. And the first step would be to make sure I leave office within 1 hr after the official office hour ends. Help me God...

When something that feels so right....

is so wrong...
I really don't know what to do.

Story of an E72

When a while back my aunt was looking for a spare phone, I told her she could grab mine. 

I had two actually... 

So about two or three weeks ago, she picked them up and subsequently made her son call and thank me for the HTC Desire that she insisted he really enjoyed. 

Over the weekend though, when I dragged them out for dinner with my dad, my aunt casually asked me,"So can I delete everything in the phone? Do you still need them?" 

She wasn't talking about the HTC this time. She was talking about my old Nokia E72. The second phone I had relied on before I decided to move on with my life and go for androids.

Gosh, I almost forgot about this phone. 

I casually grabbed the phone from her and checked the contacts.... 

Found some that would come in handy but told myself to forget it as I have survived more than a year without them. 

To my horror though, I found the thousands of smses all still intact when I went through the folders. I didn't realize that they were all still there as I didn't have the habit of deleting my messages until my phone screams for memory (which it did not do). I told my aunt I needed time to check everything and grabbed the phone back from her. 

That night, I took my own sweet time and scrolled down the list of messages. 

The problems I was going through, the arguments I had, the jokes shared with friends, the work smses, even down to a single sms left from the "stalker" (think this one somehow slipped when I deleted those strings of smses); all of them recorded like part of a diary, down to the exact time when those thoughts are jotted down.

And of course, there were those meaningless sweet nothings sent back and forth between two very good friends. Words that really did not mean anything (on hindsight) but somehow did put a smile on my face before I went to bed. Some of them really had very strong saccharine-like quality (wonder if saccharine can cause sugar-high effects). Among them was the "Honey, I love you" message in my inbox that I think had freaked me out and woke me up. 

The same month in the following year as that message, I received a mass message notifying a group of friends of an upcoming wedding. 

Not that it affected me or anything like that (not in denial mode here. really...)

But it's just interesting how fickle the human heart (and mind) can be. 

I scrolled back up and down another time after I sorted out the messages by sender, just so I could see the chronological order. 

Another interesting chapter of my life that taught me another very good lesson, I thought to myself once I was done.Fast and furious was another thought. 

And with that, I toggled the button to "Options", then "Mark all" and "Delete". 

Chapter closed with a concluding note: No More Nokia. 

* The E72 was hand-delivered to my aunt's place Monday evening to start a whole new life. No witness protection program was offered.

Mothers' Day breaks my heart nowadays....

Change is the only constant thing...

不知道什么时候开始。。。原本怕热的我变开始怕冷了。
还记得以前多么享受冷的天气，可是最近突然发现自己晚上还满怕冷的。。。


以前在美国的时候有租过一间没有加热机的房子。 在冬天晚上感觉好像要死的时候，还很气的提醒自己做鬼也要找房东报仇。那时候冷到全生发抖的我会带着两瓶温水睡。 每晚睡觉都会点怕自己隔天会醒不起来，在床上死掉。。。


虽然我还是一样怕死，我觉得现在的感觉有点不一样。。。
以前怕的冷好像没有痛。。。
现在怕的冷会痛。。。


本来还想：“wah-say...不是吧？！？！？！才几岁而已。。。难道要输给我八十几岁外公？”
可是后来发现。。。这总痛的感觉有点怪。。。
痛的不是骨头，不是肚子，而是心里。。。
有时候还痛到不知不觉自己开始哭了起来。。。


hahaha....够drama吧？


anyway...连怕热的我也有今天这样开始怕冷。。。
I suppose change is the only constant thing in this life....
好像我今天第一次用华语在自己的部落各PO。。。还满好玩的吗。。。。只希望没有懂华语的人看，然后笑到肚子痛---应为写的字全部都错。
可是看在我这一辈子只学了几个月的华语，应该写得还好吧？：P

丁噹 - 一半 KTV

Dang!

Listening to this song is like having someone peeping while you're changing....

蕭煌奇-阿嬤的話

Bawled my eyes out 30 seconds into this song...

Was gonna share this song via facebook initially but I figure it would

only make things worse, bringing back memories of my late maternal grandma.

And my Mom who's constantly monitoring facebook nowadays will only be more devastated.

A Mah,

I really really really miss you....

蕭煌奇 只能勇敢 - another lesson

Another song for my self-study mandarin lesson:

萧煌奇 - 只能勇敢
作词：姚若龙 作曲/编曲：萧煌奇

从很早就明白 我讨厌孤单
就算是谈情感 有许多麻烦
也还是很向往 爱的人来作伴
太冲动的结果反而一片混乱
更心酸 更孤单

失恋过才明白 相处有多难
谁粗心谁敏感 谁体贴谁独断
谁说出了期盼 谁觉得是批判
当争吵都变成冷战也让情感 被切断

我只能勇敢 学习 释然
把情人的泪还有责备 全部承担
从不习惯 对曾经炽热的爱情
分手就冷淡

我只能勇敢 顺其 自然
谁叫我 对于真爱那么期盼
不想要 关住了自己
安全但却太黑暗

幸福过才明白 要永恒多梦幻
这一秒的美好 下一刻就暗淡
问再多为什么 也不会有答案
但心里很清楚以后有更多无解
的 遗 憾

我只能勇敢 学习 释然
把离别的苦 思念的酸 都看淡
人总要习惯 生命就是一站一站
不断在转换

我只能勇敢 顺其 自然
谁叫我 宁愿浪漫不要平淡
不投入盛大烟火表演
没有危险但也不灿烂

不怕 爱情 苦乐都 极端